To hate being judged because I’m overweight

[Fluffyyellowduck]

This has been bothering me since Christmas. We stayed with family members and the treat type food was hidden.

I didn’t realize things were hidden at first but when the biscuits were mentioned, I was asked to wait in the living room with the door closed while the biscuits were retrieved from their hiding place.

The reason it was hidden was because
the hider thought that I would not be able to ‘control’ myself if it was just left on the worktop. (Yes I am fat but I don’t ever stuff my face or struggle to control myself around food).

What can I do to change this perception other than lose weight? Apparently saying it is not enough.

It’s a family member so see them fairly regularly. This doesn’t usually come up as an issue as we don’t stay with them!

@BabyOnBoard90 ooh good one, I'll use that

This clearly doesn’t have anything to do with “the west”. I would say what a fucking bizarre response but then I clocked the name. Typical

You can’t change this type of thinking OP. Tell them outright they’ll deny or defend and make you out to be the problem. How close are they? I’d probably look at going Low Contact if you can’t ditch them all together as they don’t sound like someone you want to be around anyway .

I bet it was your DM; it's the kind of mine would do. I wouldn't go round there again.

This

The relevance of "The West" is that its quite normal to be overweight here. A third of UK are obese.

Did they actually admit the door was closed and then biscuits retrieved because they thought you'd eat the lot?

Or was that your assumption?

Simply because, they may have earlier stashed something they didn't want you (anyone?) to see in the cupboard where the biscuits were. In December had come home and found DH at home when I thought he had popped out and frantically shoved the Christmas present I'd bought behind the study door before he came downstairs. Later he said he needed some papers from the study, and I was like "Nooooo! I'll get it!! Stay there." Which out of context, sounds odd.

It's really odd behaviour over biscuits otherwise.

That's so cruel. Definitely cut them off!

I understand the paranoia. I'm fat, I tend to eat less in front of people.
Then there's still comments if eating veg/salad.

How horrible, its really nasty to assume you can't control yourself because you're overweight.

I get it..clearly I lack some sort of self-control as I'm overweight but that doesn't mean I'm greedy pig. If anything I'm overly cautious that I'm not eating more than my share - mentally calculating the 'right' amount.

I'd suggest you'd bring something but I think that'll just feed into the (false) narrative that you can't help yourself - that you have to have something to hand.

The petty mean side of me, thinks you should find something to hide from her, from a perceived notion she couldn't control herself if she knew where it was...maybe the wine...the coffee...tea.

I might also spite myself and make a point about turning down offers of food...especially if they've eaten after me and are reaching for the food before me...

I'm so sorry OP :( One of the reasons I hated 'help yourself' teas when I lived at home was because despite how much I put on my plate (generally the same or less than others) my step-dad would always say I'd taken the most. It's exhausting.

I wouldn't be going around again, what rude behaviour!

You could either:

• Change the attitudes of everyone in the world to make you happy; or
• Change yourself; or
• Do nothing and accept that people WILL judge you. You can't tell people what to do or think

@ILoveeCakes , change the attitudes of everyone in the world??? Plenty of people do not judge overweight people, let alone deem them incapable of controlling themselves around biscuits.

That person is a controlling arsehole. I imagine they probably also have a very disordered attitude towards food which is much more about them than me. My mum isn't nearly as bad as this but is pretty messed up about food. She's been on a diet of one form or another her entire life. She tends to project outwards and feels other people can't control themselves around food (in reality she has little control around food - she is just incredibly rigid and always a bit hungry and malnourished). I remember quite recently after giving birth to DC1 I'd put on some weight (I was still actualy a healthy weight not that it makes any difference). I couldn't give a shit about the weight gain - I was hungry and breastfeeding and had more interesting things to worry about but my mum took it upon herself to decant half my meal I'd plated up for myself back into the saucepan. I still remember to this day how fucked off I was. It was all about her issues with food and nothing to do with me though. Don't lose weight for this reason. Either make a decision to ignore their shitty behaviour and take your own biscuits next time or if you don't think you can simply avoid them. The issue is 100% theirs.

Unfortunately loads of people think that fat people are lazy and have no self control. All the neurotic ‘size 10 is unhealthy’ MN users think this.

As a size 18 person I empathise. It’s unfair and heartbreaking but people are prejudiced arseholes.

As for your relative, I personally would be so insulted by this and their outright rudeness, I would never speak to them or see them again and I would make it clear why.

How horrible of them. Its weird but since i started trying to lose weight i have ASKED my own family to act in this way towards me. I have started complaining if my partner buys loads of biscuits, eats them in my presence etc. I find it much easier to avoid 'grazing' if i dont see that kind of food or people eating that kind of food.

I have asked them to. They didnt decide to on my behalf. Huge difference.