To wonder if private school is worth it for child that hates school

[HaberdashHetty]

We are looking at senior schools for DS who is currently in year 5. DS is bright and fairly academic but has never enjoyed school. He is a homebody who would spend all his time at home with his family if he could. He frequently says how much he doesn't understand why he has to go to school, why they spend so much time doing 'pointless' activities, etc.

On one hand I feel that DS would benefit massively from a small school with fantastic pastoral care. He is quiet with some asd traits. Other relatives agree that he would drown in a huge comp.

However on the other hand, I'm worried that I will resent paying so much for an experience that he won't make the most of or appreciate. He will probably leave education at the earliest opportunity.

I just want the best life for DS. With how he feels about school, I just want him in a happy, safe environment.

Would the £60000+ be more useful as a house deposit for him

How’s that going to help if he doesn’t earn enough to get a mortgage? Do explain.

op, you can try it and see. Private school isn’t a full schooling commitment, you can do a year and see.

id focus on why he doesn’t understand why he needs to go to school though, that’s fairly basic understanding. How have you tried explaining it?

He's bright but not engaged with school... he may enjoy it more in secondary!

I had a similar dilemma and chose the (good) state school, it took a bit of time but he found his tribe, his subjects (maths, tech) his hobby (music), and he ended up wanting to go to Uni, and because we did not send him private (aka spend £50-60k) we are able to support him through Uni (he still has a student loan)

And just as well we did not as DH quit his job and was unemployed for a year, the stress would have been huge. Shit happens...

But if you are very very financially secure and ok, and money is no concern, you might want to do it.... but we were so glad we chose the state school, and actually think state schools often have the better teachers... small classes aren't everything

This will descend into the usual anecdata and arguments about state Vs private. I've worked in both and my kids have attended both. The simple answer is it depends on precisely which schools you are considering and what precisely their set up is. Personally I am sacrificing a lot in the short to medium term to keep mine in private because they were sinking and miserable in state but again, that's refering to the specific schools I have access too, not the two systems in general. OP, tour the schools, see if they do taster days for your DS. Look at the finances and work out as best you can what the costs will be (factor in high uniform costs, sometimes exam fees too).

@Porcinimushroom even someone on 20000 per year plus the 60000 deposit could get a 120000 house. They do exist. And if he had a partner they could borrow more. Not every area is priced out of reach.
If you have decent state schools nearby or it would be a struggle to afford it you have options.
Private education is out of reach for most families.

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man ti fish, feed him for a lifetime.

giving her child the best education is the answer. Not here’s 60 grand , move to as cheap an area as you can find and work a low income Job.

her kids bright and capable.

aim higher.

@Porcinimushroom you do not have to go to private school to aim high.

"Quiet with some ASD traits"
Well does he have ASD or not? Are you interested in getting him assessed at all?
i would be looking at the SEND provision in the schools and that would be on my checklist of criteria, I would consider both state and private schools (assuming private is affordable).
However if he does have ASD you might find the money is better spent on private assessment and whatever therapies would benefit him. (Or perhaps you can afford that on top of private school.)

If a child doesn't like school it's usually because their needs are not being met and/or it is difficult for them in some way. I'd try to address that rather than thinking that private school is automatically better.

He’s still young, but have you sat down and asked him what he wants to do, both for school now and for work later? Sadly I don’t think being a homebody is going to be a viable career option but I’m sure you know that 😉

So assuming you’ve had that chat and he hasn’t told you his deepest dream for becoming a plumber or an accountant, I think you go with the choice to give him the best options later on. That could really be either type of school. If that chat does reveal a clue about his long term interests, then I think you’ll be able to pick the school more easily.

If you are going to try to steer him in a direction, I’d be careful and go for theist cost/hassle option, because you are right he won’t take advantage nor care.

theist = The easiest