Friend

[Yorkskaty]

My daughter (34) had major knee surgery today. My husband has a late notice kidney removal tomorrow to remove one of the two cancers he’s had for the past couple of years. I sent a text to relevant/interested parties yesterday. (Relatives, friends who’ve asked to be kept in the loop) letting them know we’ll be out of circulation for a bit. Most replies were as you’d expect which was lovely. But one, which arrived today, has unsettled me. AIBU?
It was this: Hello to you too, and a very happy new year. We got back yesterday from 10 days away in various places and I was too tired to reply to your message then. Good news about ….and …;I hope all goes well for both of them. I have a long list of things to do for the next few days, but will be free to meet up next week apart from Monday and Thursday. Fingers crossed for good surgery outcomes.

Nothing unsettling at all.
Sounds like you expected it to be all about you… life isn’t. She was kind and offered to meet up.. what more did you want?

Have you analysed everyone's reply to you?

I dont see anything wrong with it

Maybe she has stuff going on too🤔

@Yorkskaty I don't know you. But I hope that your daughter is recovering from surgery OK.

I hope that the surgery for your husband removal of cancer is OK. It sounds like a time in which you are worried and hoping everything will be OK.

Reading your friend text to you to me sounded like she or he is not one for offering emotional support. Some people are not good when others have illness/ hospital things and avoid discussing that.

Only you know if they are that way. I am also astounded at replies you are getting. I mean friend tired as been away ( hang on sure you just said your daughter had major knee surgery and husband has cancer).

Really perplexes me the way some people are.

Please take care off your self and your family xx

As I said, thank you all. It gave me perspective. I feel clearer and better.

I've been immersed for some time in the health issues of my family and, having had messages of a different kind from other people, I think I was caught off guard.

I know her well, she has form for this sort of stuff, although never before with me, and I appreciate all your comments.

PS For the record, it was NOT a round robin, I don’t do that. And I’m many things, but precious, no.

Colourful rainbows, thank you.

“I sent a text to relevant/interested parties yesterday. (Relatives, friends who’ve asked to be kept in the loop) letting them know we’ll be out of circulation for a bit.”

Sounds more like a round robin than a personalised individual text though. You actually wrote different texts to each relative and friend, not the same one copy / pasted?

I’m not criticising a copy and pasted text by the way! Perfectly fine to do that. Just it seems a bit odd to be analysing her reply to it, in that case.

What?! I think you are overthinking this massively op.
I hope your daughter & DH recover soon.

I think texts lack the nuance that you get with face to face origins conversations.

Benefit of the doubt required!

You say "she has form for this type of thing"

I thought her text was perfectly pleasant. What sort of form as I don't get that?

Hope the ops go well

She has form for sending standard messages acknowledging your text and wishing you well?

What would be a good example of a text response from your friends as I can't see what's wrong here!

Blimey, this reignites my now (mostly) conquered anxiety where i used to play obsessively over what I'd said wishing I'd said it differently or better or less stupidly. I finally convinced myself that nobody was watching me that closely, that other people knew my general intent was good and not to torture myself. And then I read this thread and wonder am I wrong to assume that people aren't over analysing every word -Argh

@Yorkskaty are you unsettled by the following words:

10 days away
Various places
Too tired
Long list of things to do

I sense that you might be unsettled by her need to provide unnecessary information as she could have simply shared that she was away, but felt it appropriate to crowbar in the fact that not only was she away on holiday but in a multitude of places and now she's too tired and busy to deal with you properly. I could be wrong, but is that why you're unsettled? You just wanted some supportive words, but got all that instead?

Everything @Testina took the trouble to write out on P1.

I can't see anything unsettling in that text at all.

Not sure what you mean by she has form for that sort of thing , when nobody can see what "sort of thing" you are seeing.

This 'friend' needs to read the room. She might as well have sent a thumbs up than all this -you've got serious illnesses going on? what about me, me, me after my jollies? I'm tired too and I'm not even ill!