To need some support (break up)

[Emsy1088]

I’m a year into a horrific divorce. I initiated it after weeks of silent treatment and then being told the problem was me. At the time I thought for various reasons he was emotionally abusive.

I don’t know if I was abused and this doubt is a result of that, a trauma bond etc, or if I’m awful and everything is my fault.

Now I’m completely doubting myself and so so sad. We’re still in the same house for now, he ignores me completely even in front of young primary age DC. I just feel like I’ve ruined all our lives and I’ll never be happy again.

Can anyone offer me any hope? I’m completely broken.

Sorry to hear this....
I think you're probably doing the right thing. His behaviour sounds awful. I think it's important that you try to move out with what he's doing....is that possible?

Honey get ur finances sorted , and either move out or get him out. Do not live together, this is emotional abuse.
Don't take he can't afford it as an excuse, this is wrecking ur mental health and no one is worth that xx

Thank you for the support. I’m being feeling really low but this has helped. I would like to move out but my solicitor has advised against it (because it would likely slow down getting the house sold) and my family are worried that if I move out it will damage my relationship with my children (even if custody will be 50/50) because it will be him and them still in what was the family home. I feel so stuck. I looked into an occupation order to get him out but basically if he is emotionally abusive its not bad enough to warrant him having to move out, which feels pretty invalidating to be honest…

The bar to prove these things in court is often higher than you might hope I think.

I'm sorry, I don't have experience to advise on what you should do - sounds like you've taken some legal advice though which is good.

I think you need to try your hardest to work towards moving you & the kids out, or moving him out, or somehow going your separate ways....

It sounds very hard.

Is there any way at all (?) that you & your ex can somehow try & talk reasonably to find a solution...? It sounds like not...

Be kind to yourself. You sound very brave.

I was very unhappy in my marriage and about my husbands behaviour. He refused to believe anything was his fault and blamed me for being difficult.

I went to see a private therapist. She validated my views and has said outright that he is an entitled bully. Because my husband has made me doubt my own feelings, this help from my therapist has made all the difference.

We are also still in the same house, and although he doesn’t ignore me, he will explode or pass snarky comments at the drop of a hat. I’m also stuck here as he won’t move out.

As difficult and horrid as the situation is, I have no doubt at all that divorcing is the right thing to do.

His behaviour of the silent treatment and ignoring you now is abuse. You are doing the right things. You just need to hang in there. It will be over one day.

Would finding a counsellor help you to straighten out your thoughts? It sounds like abuse, and if that is the case then you really haven't ruined everyone's lives, you've done a very good and brave thing.

And I agree with a PP, it would be best for your children if he moved out. Is there a family member who still speaks to partner who may be able to help with some persuading as he's not speaking to you? It sounds awful, stay strong.

How’s it going @Emsy1088 ?

Thank you so much for checking in@Toomanysleepycats . I’m ok - very up and down but today has been a bit better than the last few days. Trying to take on board some of the advice here which is helping. I just wish I could feel less guilty. How are you doing?