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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Working with bossy colleague

6 replies

Aceofbase00 · 03/01/2023 12:19

She has blamed it on a cultural difference saying that's how people speak in her country, and to ignore her if she seems to be shouting.
Still I feel uncomfortable working with her, it's a community based role where we have to work in a pair so can't really avoid working with her.
For instance I spotted something unusual, so I pointed it out to her, "Isn't that X? It doesn't seem right." Straightaway she shot me down "No it's definitely not that."
In fact I was right and it was what I said. When she realised she didn't even acknowledge the fact.
She asked me to phone somebody by saying "You phone them right now" which I'll let off as being a language barrier. I phoned our office and she wasn't happy with whatever they said so started berating me saying, "No! It's because you weren't being pushy enough! You need to say it more!"
I tried to defend my point.
I think she's around 10 years older than me but I often get mistaken for younger. She also knows I have experience in the role, however she's studying a degree in it so presumably thinks she's more knowledgeable in it than I am.
As a result she tries to instruct me every time we work together, telling me what to do, simple things that I'm well aware of, even though I tell her.
Anyway there are many examples. She can be nice too but I don't enjoy working with her. Nobody else seems to have had any complaints though.
I hate being talked to as if I'm very new and very young when I'm neither. I need to build assertiveness, does it sound like I'm being unreasonable in these situations?

OP posts:
Aceofbase00 · 03/01/2023 12:21

I've not felt this issue at all with the other staff so hopefully it isn't just me.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 03/01/2023 12:22

You need to be more assertive and she needs to gain some interpersonal skills.

Her saying to ignore her if it seems like she's shouting means she knows it's not acceptable. It's the workplace version of "oh me? I just tell it like it is and some people take offence" aka "I know I'm an arsehole and have no manners but you should accept it from me because it's one of my quirks"

Aceofbase00 · 03/01/2023 12:24

Yeah I really don't believe that's how everybody in her country speaks.
I've had it in other areas of work where I've been told 'wait' by certain colleagues which I find a little rude.
I do have a quiet voice, I'm softly spoken and people think I'm very young, I really need to work on it

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 03/01/2023 12:43

What country is she from?

ThinWomansBrain · 03/01/2023 12:49

I once worked with someone in an organisation that was vert hot on recognising cultural diversity.
He complained that it was normal in his culture (French) to be rude to people, and that wasn't respected 🙄

Keyansier · 03/01/2023 13:02

From what you've described it doesn't sound that bad at all to me. You definitely need to work on your assertiveness and stand up to her. She's your colleague, not your boss, next time she orders you around tell her to shut up.

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