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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this an acceptable exception to child free rule

38 replies

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 03/01/2023 07:56

Several years ago a couple got married. They now have a tiny baby.

At their wedding her cousin (one of her BM’s, very close almost sibling relationship, went to school together and in same friendship group) met his cousin (not as close but still very close). They are now getting married.

The second couple are having a child free wedding, but have made an exception for the groom’s only nephew and couple 1’s baby.

The reason being that all of the grandparents and aunties/uncles of the baby, plus the Mum’s close friends will all be at the wedding due to the link. The baby will also be a babe in arms.

There are massive hissy fits being thrown by some people at them having to get a babysitter when couple 1 don’t have to.

AIBU to think it’s a perfectly acceptable exception on both of the grounds and the whinging people have lost their minds?

OP posts:
upfucked · 03/01/2023 09:02

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 03/01/2023 08:42

It is less fine to invite only one older child when there are others who’d like to be there

The only older child is the groom’s only nephew. The bride has no nieces or nephews.

And no-one with children except couple 1 has both sides of their family and most of their friends at the wedding. Everyone else has a non-invited side and non-invited friends.

It’s the B and G choice but I can see why this would piss people off. B and G can do what they want but they don’t have to expect people to be happy with their choice to invite one older child and not others.

BeeColourful · 03/01/2023 09:05

It’s the bride and grooms wedding, their choice entirely who comes.

We had a childfree wedding and I would not have made an exception for babes in arms/breastfed babies etc.

anotheruser173 · 03/01/2023 09:08

Bride and groom can invite who they want, but they should be more honest and call it a "your kid isn't invited" wedding rather a "child-free" wedding.

sunlight81 · 03/01/2023 12:13

Wish someone would invite me to a child free wedding ... would love a break!!

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 03/01/2023 12:19

Entirely their choice but it should be presented as it is - they like ('are closer to') that couple and their DC more than they like the other guests.

Ginandtoner · 03/01/2023 12:52

maybe the b&g were hoping it would annoy people and they then wouldn’t come

fitzwilliamdarcy · 03/01/2023 13:25

I really dislike it when people say that babies are always an exception. In every case, it’s down to the B&G. Parents of BF babies or babes in arms are entitled to think it’s shitty to be excluded but there is no rule that they have to be invited to every wedding.

Lkydfju · 03/01/2023 13:29

But really it’s no different to people who literally don’t have anyone to look after their children so I can see why other people are upset.

FangedFrisbee · 03/01/2023 13:36

fitzwilliamdarcy · 03/01/2023 13:25

I really dislike it when people say that babies are always an exception. In every case, it’s down to the B&G. Parents of BF babies or babes in arms are entitled to think it’s shitty to be excluded but there is no rule that they have to be invited to every wedding.

This! All day long! I've been to a weddings
where 'babes in arms' have screamed through the bows and the celebrant has had to ask the parent to leave.

One of them started getting stuff out of the bag so they could change the nappy. She was about to change a shitty nappy in a church during the wedding vows. It was clearly shitty because it stank. Their car was in the car park about 29 feet away, couldn't she have done it there?

These were friends of the grooms I remember, so not important family who needed to be present.

I remember thinking omg this isn't happening, until the vicar stepped in, stopped the service and asked them not to change the poopy nappy on the seat of the church. He then said there was baby changing facilities in the hall next door which was open but the 3 of them got up and left and didn't return.

Caused a massive argument apparently

So yeah not all parents of 'babes in arms' should be allowed to go to weddings!!

PyjamaFan · 03/01/2023 13:50

londonrach · 03/01/2023 07:58

Bride and groom can choose who comes to their wedding.

This

Chickenly · 03/01/2023 14:26

I’m very lucky that my DS has been the “exception” on three occasions at child free weddings. First was SIL’s wedding when DS was less than a week old, on the other side of the country - I pretty much wasn’t given a choice and it was decided we would attend as soon as he was born so I did and it was fine. Second was my DSis. DS is her only DN and no DN’s on the groom’s side - they know that DN is usually very well behaved and they’re close to him and so they wanted him there - their choice. The third was when his godmother married his godfather and he was a page boy. He was only there for the ceremony and was more of a decoration than anything else (I think the groom’s mother who is desperate for DGC’s insisted that he was invited).

Regardless, at any of these, I would fully understand not wanting him there. Even at a week old he could’ve cried through a ceremony or speeches and forced either me or DH outside. At SIL’s wedding, DH and I spent FIL’s speech sat in the toilets trying to get a crying DS to latch whilst DH was trying to get blood off my dress and I was in floods of tears. At DSis’s wedding, he was so excited to see DSis that he chased her down the aisle, laughing like a maniac and DH had to swiftly rugby tackle him outside. Luckily, DSis and BIL took it in exceptionally good humour and thought it was funny. At the godparent’s wedding, he walked the wrong way instead of down the aisle and had to be brought back by the mother of the bride. I can understand why a couple wouldn’t want to risk these things at their wedding, especially for children they don’t know and love so immensely - no matter how much they love their parents.

The bride and groom get to make the decision and it’s not an insult to parents if their child isn’t invited.

Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2023 14:33

I think the mistake was in telling anybody.

Original poster
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 03/01/2023 15:40

There’s no-one on our side that can’t go. Everyone has babysitters so it’s not unhappiness because they can’t go.
Don’t know about the other side, but there hasn’t been any kick off that’s been mentioned.

The main one fussing has today said they wouldn’t have taken their child anyway, but it’s “the principle” so I’m taking that as being an arsehole for arsehole sake. Hopefully they’ll stop creating before the wedding.

@Butchyrestingface Given the kick off I can see why they didn’t risk that. They’re upset dealing with it now so glad it’s not on their wedding day.

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