Would I be mean to say no?

[OffredsNose]

I have a lovely friend who I meet up with most weeks. She drives and has a car and we always used to meet up at a place 10 minutes or so from her house. Then however she started saying her husband needed the car (he doesn’t work) so I would have to pick her up and drop her off home again. I didn’t mind as it was only 10 minutes out of my way.

Anyway she messaged last night asking what I was doing tomorrow (today). I said I’d booked the dog walking field if she fancied meeting me for a walk. She agreed but asked if I’d pick her up. It’s WAY out of my way! She’s lives half an hour from me and the field is half an hour in the opposite direction. This means it will take me half an hour to get to her, then an hour to the field, then an hour taking her home and half an hour getting back from her house. Alternatively the field is 30 minutes each way for me.

Would I be mean to say no? I feel bad as she’s lovely but with the cost of petrol etc as well as the faff of all that driving …

I do struggle with social stuff so never know whether I’m being unreasonable or not

No, not unreasonable! Just say, I’m sorry, I don’t have time to pick you up or drop you off. If you can meet me there that would be great, if not, let’s do something another time.

Not unreasonable at all! Perfectly understandable to say no.

You must have known she would do this before you asked her to the field. But no you shouldn’t go collect her.

Exactly this.

light and breezy.

Personally for a friend it wouldn't bother me to offer to pick up and drive. But I guess it depends on how much you value the friend and social side of being with someone else, having a chat etc. A bit cheeky of her, but if you say no you might end up looking worse. Probably what would be better is to make clear in conversation you need to get your fuel consumption down etc as it's costing too much and hope the hint is taken.

No I really didn’t, she has a car and she drives. I assumed she normally asks for lifts because we meet up near where she lives. I didn’t expect her to want picking up for something like this

@iminapickleofhoarding I’m assuming she didn’t know and that’s why she asked. What an unhelpful comment.

@OffredsNose just reply either by saying you have other plans and it’ll take too much time out the day or you don’t have the petrol money for the added journey. I think she’s taking advantage of your kind nature.

Yanbu - but if it's a two hour round trip for her, why on earth would you suggest it in the first place? I wouldn't travel that far for a walk with someone else's dog. It's no wonder she asked for a lift.

In my view, a friend wouldn't ask for a lift that turns an hours round trip into 3 hours!

I agree with the poster upthread, just say you don't have time and that you hope to see her soon

I would message “sorry, I don’t have time to do the extra drive today, I was hoping you would be able to take your car and meet me there. Totally understand if that doesn’t work for you, let’s do something next week”. Surely nobody could take offence to that!