To dislike my in-laws

[Austin0210]

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable hence coming to get the opinions of others so go easy on me!!

I'm having some issues with the inlaws and my husband. My inlaws are very much the "know it all type" kind of what worked for them should work for everyone and doesn't take no for an answer.

I have a 8 week old who is my first child and since her birth (well before too) I've been getting comments which to me sound like a dig at my parenting or even common sense at times such as
"mittens are for scratching" I'd put them on because her hands were cold
"She will only drink warm milk soon" sometimes she has room temp when we are out from a carton, exactly what we were told to do when we was in hospital after they were born, she drinks it easily.
When I say she's been having a grumble as most newborns do I get "well that's what you need to expect" I'm not moaning or thinking it's shocking they have asked how she's been and I've been honest about it
(They are only a few of the many comments I get)
They keep saying to leave her with them and go out to which I've replied that I wasn't comfortable with that just yet and it wasn't that I didn't trust them or anyone else it was just I personally didn't want to leave her because I enjoy being with her, they didn't understand.
The other night my mum was at my house and it was convenient to leave her for all of 20 minutes whilst we had to go out, my mum said she was honoured that we trusted her with our baby etc which was nice, so we decided that we should leave her with my inlaws to make it fair. I spoke to them today and arranged that we will pop over and go out for a bit so they can have 1 on 1 time, at the end of the conversation they said laughing " then you will see that your baby will still be in one piece when you get back" I replied pardon and they changed the subject.
I went and spoke to DH and explained the conversation to be told that I'm being unreasonable to feel hurt by the comment and they meant it as a joke.
I'm not sure if I took it the wrong way but I think with the constant picking and pressure to leave her and me saying I was uncomfortable then that's a pretty insensitive thing to say. I ended up leaving the house and going for a walk because I feel so let down by DH for not even justifying my feelings, we spoke a few weeks ago about it and he said he would let me vent like he does when we see my family but that's obviously not going to be the case.
I just don't know whether I'm being super sensitive or whether I'm justified to feel like this.

I think you're being sensitive. Your ILs were being sarcastic because they think you don't trust them to look after baby

Just smile and do exactly what you want

Reading it with an independent eye I do think you took the comment the wrong way and they were just joking.

The other stuff about the mittens and milk, I couldn’t get worked about it

But you know them better than we do

I could have written this when my DD was brown earlier this year… except my DP has my back.

for me, my hormones were peak and and they’ve always grated on me. But I think parents in general seem to think they’re way was best, mine can’t u set stand why we don’t use bumpers anymore and my Dad literally said when we had to go soe
where ‘Surely the baby would be safest in mums arms’ 😳

Not suggesting everyone is this silly, but I think you’re possibly in a similar boat as the one I was in. I kept the peace (never left baby, still haven’t) and my DD has a wonderful relationship with her grandparents which is most important.

My only suggestion would be to try and understand where your DH is coming from, speak to him and if he’s usually supportive then don’t be too hard on him!

And all the best. These times are magical but can be tough.

I felt the same when I got comments from my parents in law plus my own tbh! Being a mum for the first time is so bloody hard and it feels like you’re always being judged even when you’re probably not! I still feel the same now and my boy is 4!! Try not to rise to it or get worked up by it and do your own thing, stick with what you think is best for your baby and best for you! It’s easier said than done but my PIL still haven’t had my son over night because they never made enough effort and don’t know him so I wouldn’t trust them!

I mean this kindly but I think you're being oversensitive. That's really understandable though, with such a young baby!

I would brush off their comments, but I don't see why you need to do things equally with your parents/them just to make it 'fair'. It's what's right for you and your child, not what pleases other people. My parents have never looked after my child for longer than an hour. My in laws, all the time, overnights etc.

*When my DD was born
*can’t understand
*go somewhere

Apologies for all the typos!! I haven’t even hit the wine yet.

Don’t leave her if you don’t want to. If they keep asking, just keep saying no. I think you’re being over sensitive but I think that’s normal with a very young baby. Your in-laws are allowed an opinion, you definitely don’t have to do anything they suggest. Your Dh needs to have your back, particularly if he gets to vent about your family!

Do what you need to do and what you're comfortable with. You're a first time mum with an eight week old baby, you don't owe anyone anything until you're comfortable.