40th birthday- effort and planning from partner.

[obsessedwithstationery]

When my partner was 40 (a few years ago now!), I arranged and paid for a holiday to America as his present. He knew it was a holiday, and when we were going, but not where. I planned and organised all the details.

We have said a few times about going back to America when I turn 40, which is happening this year.

In the past, he has form for promising things and not following through. Last year, he said he'd 'arranged' a few days away for us for my birthday, booked a hotel but didn't consider how we would get there and I ended up booking flights for us myself at short notice, which obviously cost more.

He's just got into a huff with me, because I was looking at holiday dates for this year and asked whether he was going to organise the America trip or if I needed to do it with him. I wasn't being snippy, I just wanted to make sure it would actually happen!

AIBU to check, given his previous form?

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable to check as he let you down in the past and had you funding your own gift because he wasn’t organised.

You are clearly a giver, who gives a shit. He enjoys your surprises and your treats but doesn’t extend the same courtesy to you.

I’m sure the martyr crew on here will act like you have overly high expectations for the poor little lamb, as he didn’t ASK for his all expenses paid trip to America. But he is a taker, takes you for granted and then gets in a huff when you hold up a mirror to him because he knows it’s shitty.

If you want to stay in this relationship, then romancing him when he doesn’t care about doing it to you. It will just create resentment.