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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be upset by this..

20 replies

idontwantflowers · 02/01/2023 13:04

I'll try and keep it short. Last night me and my partner of 5 years were watching a movie and having a chat. I'm 3 weeks away from giving birth not that it's really relevant, but not feeling my absolute best right now.

My partner asked me which of us I thought was the better looking. He said, which of us do you think is "punching". I said well right now I don't feel very attractive and he said no I mean both at our best. I sat quietly while I tried to think of an answer and he said "I think I'm the better looking one, and your punching" I laughed and said so does that mean you think you can do better than me, he said no not at all and that looks don't matter etc. I agree, looks aren't the be all and end all of relationships and attraction but am I unreasonable to feel a bit hurt? I don't know if I'm just going to be more sensitive to things because I'm a bit insecure right now but I thought wow is this what you think of me.. that I'm mediocre 😅 because I adore him and I am extremely attracted to him. We have a good sex life and attraction to each other. I just thought it was a bit of an odd thing to say. Anyone else?

OP posts:

AllOfThemWitches · 02/01/2023 13:05

Yeah it was an odd question in the first place.

MassiveSalad22 · 02/01/2023 13:06

Yes I’d be a bit miffed, that was at best clumsy of him. Depends on other factors, it could be very upsetting.

FromTheFront2theBack · 02/01/2023 13:07

YANBU he may not have meant any harm (hard to judge the tone and I agree that in a LTR looks really aren't important if you're both attracted to ecah other). It was definitely an insensitive comment at best though, especially when you had just told him you weren't feeling attractive at the moment.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2023 13:07

Your partner is a total idiot. Who would even think to say such a thing? The only possible reason to do so would be to hurt someone's feelings.

Lkydfju · 02/01/2023 13:08

What a weird thing to say; I’d be hurt too although experience has taught me that conversations like that never go well.

InBedBy10 · 02/01/2023 13:08

YANBU

I don't know why he would even ask that question, let alone declare himself the "better" looking one.

It sounds like a passive aggressive way of having a dig at you.

dudsville · 02/01/2023 13:10

It's a very unkind topic.

HaddawayAndShite · 02/01/2023 13:10

Depends tbh. Is he usually making digs? If mine said that I know it would be a joke, even if it’s not funny to anyone else. I don’t think he would bring up the “punching” conversation in general though. Was it relevant to the movie?

Blossomandbee · 02/01/2023 13:12

Horrible thing to say, and particularly tone deaf to say it someone's who's heavily pregnant (by that I mean generally feeling huge, uncomfortable, vulnerable etc)

pictoosh · 02/01/2023 13:13

Seems a thoughtless bungle of a comment. Is he often ill-mannered like that?

shivermetimbers77 · 02/01/2023 13:13

Horrible! The only possible way that conversation would be ok is if he was saying he was the one ‘punching ‘, certainly not the other way around! What a nasty thing to say.

Iamnotausername · 02/01/2023 13:35

Why would he even ask that? Was he expecting you to start swooning at him or something for an ego boost?

Idiot.

I wouldn't take it to heart though if he is genuingely a nice guy and shows he values and loves you. Just put it down to him having a stupid moment.

Notaboutthebass · 02/01/2023 14:03

You're feeling sensitive and he's determined to knock your confidence even more. I'd be really pissed off. Does he have a habit of putting you down?

Focusfocusfocusfolks · 02/01/2023 14:24

InBedBy10 · 02/01/2023 13:08

YANBU

I don't know why he would even ask that question, let alone declare himself the "better" looking one.

It sounds like a passive aggressive way of having a dig at you.

This. Very hurtful and thoughtless of him. Does he have form for passive-aggressiveness? Please tell him how hurt you are. 💐💐💐

Original poster

idontwantflowers · 02/01/2023 14:45

I honestly can't get my head around it. He doesn't usually say anything negative about appearances etc and I comfortably can wear no make up and not dolled up and he will call me beautiful. I'm starting to think he's got attention somewhere and it's given him a confidence boost to cocky! He is handsome and I tell him often that he is.

OP posts:

Wallywobbles · 02/01/2023 20:35

Is he 12? God what a nob.

MadeForThis · 02/01/2023 20:57

It's a nasty thing to say.

He's essentially saying that he thinks he is better looking than you. What is the point of that conversation???

In 5 years he could be bald and fat. He would be "punching" then.

It's totally subjective and irrelevant.

The only reason to even bring it up would be to make you feel insecure. Just nasty.

pandwa · 02/01/2023 20:57

Wtf would he say something so hurtful especially when you're heavily pregnant and obviously extra emotional? I'd be pissed off too op.

Nimbostratus100 · 02/01/2023 20:59

well, he's certainly the one "punching" intellectually, isn't he

PerpetualFailure · 02/01/2023 21:02

This would absolutely crush me. I cannot imagine a man (even the horrible ones) saying that to me. It will sting for life. I hope for your sake others will tell yu to relax and let it wash over you. What a knob.

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