To stop making an effort with absent (great)grandparent?

[scrambledeggy]

My own dad's dad wasn't that involved with him when he was younger and was by all accounts not very nice to my grandma. As a result I never saw my dad's dad much as a kid.

Now I have a young child, this man's great grandchild. The one time I went out of my way to take my kid to see him, he and his partner told me I wasn't dressing my own child properly, and waxed lyrical about how wonderful and perfect my dad's step-sibling was as a child. The whole experience made me very uncomfortable.

With kid no2 on the way, my dad's dad is messaging me again asking why I haven't taken DC1 to see him. The answer I have is that he never asked, to which he replied that he thought it was "implicit". I am a working parent and he is retired and lives nearby, so could easily arrange to see us. He also posts a lot of unpleasant racist/lgbt-phobic stuff on social media, and is not someone I'd choose to spend time with otherwise.

AIBU to not make an effort, as in my mind it is not my job, or am I depriving DC of a relationship with a great grandparent?

I think it's very telling that you refer to him as your 'dads dad' and not your Grandad. You have no meaningful relationship with him due to his past and present actions and you owe him nothing.

Meet up briefly if it's something you want to do but feel no guilt if you decide it's something you don't want to prioritise.

You want your child to have a relationship with a racist lgbt-phobic rubbish parent that you dislike and who has made no effort have a relationship with you?

thought not. Keep them apart.

Why do you have to take DC1 to visit him? Do his legs not work?

Thanks everyone, it sounds simple but it's difficult for me because he is very good at "playing" the involved (great) grandparent in public, so if I were to cut him off people could accuse me of being unfair. Not that I should care what people think, but I care so much about my kid (soon to be kids) and want to do the right thing by them.

This made me laugh, because it's quite common for great-grandparents to have legs that don't work so well!
OP's granddad sounds relatively young though...

You're right, sorry I didn't explain well, he had my dad when young and is still very much mobile. I am also a younger parent.

He also posts a lot of unpleasant racist/lgbt-phobic stuff on social media

Surely this is reason enough to keep him away from your child?

So if I were to cut him off people could accuse me of being unfair.

These people are also racists right? So why do you care what they say?

You need to avoid all of them.