To cut my hair short?

[Whywouldyoudothat123]

Name change as could be outing, been on here a while.

ill be 40 next year, and most of my childhood and adult life up until the age of 35 I’ve had long, thick , straight hair. My parents and family always used to say how envious they were of it.

the year of my 35th birthday It started falling out which was really distressing, I went to the doctors who ran blood tests, and said everything was fine hormone levels etc and wasn’t sure what else they could do…!

i took supplements, changed my diet, lowered my stress levels, all to nothing. I even considered wearing extensions or a wig but my hair was so fine by this point I figured I would do further damage. I was so upset by this point that I went to the hairdressers and asked her to give me a pixie cut as I didn’t care anymore.

i was fine with the way it looked and it improved the health of my hair massively but I had so many comments, from family, friends, work colleagues, all in shock, “what have you done” “why have you done that” “when are you growing it out” etc etc. it really disturbed me how people were so honest about it and the ones that annoyed me I just replied with , I can’t help it and it wasn’t my choice! In the end I ended up growing it out and the comments stopped. Suffice to say the comments were mainly from men saying girls should have long hair!!!!

its got to the stage now where it’s long again but so so damaged and weak and I can’t do anything apart from put it in a bun everyday and its really annoying me.

it sounds pathetic I know but I just can’t deal with all the comments again if I go short ! Has anyone got any advice other than to stop caring?

First world problem I know! But I really do suffer with self esteem which I’ve been trying to improve over the years.

I don’t understand the horror with which short hair on girls and women is viewed. It seems it’s ok for boys/men to buck gender stereotypes but not girls/women.

If you like your hair short then wear it short.

One option would be to stagger it a little to make it less of a shock. 90s-style 'bixie' cuts have been quite popular (halfway between a bob and a pixie) and can look a bit softer (if that's what you want). You could always get it cut shorter later if that's what you want to do.

But otherwise, go to a fabulous hairdresser, get a great short cut and tell your family et al where to stick their attitude!

Have you tried nioxin or watermans shampoos and conditioners? They make the hair you have look thicker.

Unfortunately, if you care about other people's comments, then cutting it short isn't going to resolve anything. It may make you feel better about yourself and your hair but if the negative side of it is people's comments and that part drags you down, then you have to weigh up which is more important to you. I also disagree with PP that said that males don't have horror about short hair (i'm male). One of my male friends is going bald on his crown and asked me whether it would suit him shaving all his hair off. I honestly told him I have no idea because I couldn't imagine what it would look like on him and it's a big decision to make, especially if it might not grow back, whereas for me I've always had a shaved head throughout my life and only started growing my hair out in the last 3 years so if I shaved all my hair off right now it wouldn't be a shock because I know exactly what it would look like on me.

The only realistic advice I can give you is to 'stop caring'. But that's easier said than done. But I think you would do better to instil a bit of resilience and 'don't give a fuck what the hell you think' attitude within yourself.

I find long hair in girls and women so boring. When I was young we had actual "hairstyles", now most females have the same look forever. Luckily 19 year old DD does get layers, it isn't too long, sometimes she has a fringe, she changes the colour, but it's still not adventurous enough for me!

Ignore the comments if you actually want short hair but, honestly, it doesn’t sound like you want short hair, it sounds like you feel like it’s the only way to improve the health of your hair - it’s not. Would you want your hair short if it were healthy long? If not then speak to a professional about getting it healthy - there are options.

Here’s a picture of one of my current bald spots so I really do know how you feel. It’s shitty and sad and it sucks. So much love to you OP. Sorry the picture is blurry, it’s hard to take one of your own head.

Thanks for all the insightful replies 🙂

I do need to adopt an attitude of fuck it, I’m working on that currently. When I had long hair I must admit I didn’t do anything rather than put it in a ponytail unless there was an event and even then I used to obsess about it being straight all night! I think short is the way to go but I just know if the hairdresser ruins it there’s no going back, and my self esteem is quite low as it is. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do (again) for a while, I just don’t get why others feel the need the comment or have an opinion on it when I didn’t ask for one. I wish others just wouldn’t care or say anything then I could do whatever I wanted. I know that I can regardless though…

Thank you for the picture whydidimarrythis, bless you. It makes you so self conscious doesnt it?

Go for it! I've had pixie cuts , long hair, every colour under the sun. The great thing about hair is it always grows. So whatever you do to it you can always change it. You're always you underneath it.

If you find the comments difficult one option is to have it cut short in two stages, maybe a bob length and then the pixie cut.

I'm jealous you managed to find a hairdresser to cut your hair sort. I spent half an hour explaining how short I wanted my hair and showing her pictures and then I ended up with a bob that she wouldn't cut shorter despite me insisting. I might have to hack it off myself and then just go to the hairdresser to get it tidied up.
Another hairdresser spent the whole time telling me how brave some people were going from long to short, but also gave me a bob 😒
My hair too has thinned out a lot now I'm in my 40s and I hate it 😡
Other people's opinions shouldn't matter, if you'll feel better with short hair, go for it 👍

Agree. My DD is 4.5 and has had very short hair like a pixie cut for about a year now, her choice. The amount of negative comments we get about it has shocked me and even more so, that some adults even speak negatively to her about it!

If you like it short, keep it short! People are rude AF. It's your hair. I wish I had the confidence to get mine done as short as DD's. The reason I don't is because I'm very hairy (genes) and I feel very self-conscious about that and my hair hides it a bit whereas it would be much more exposed with a pixie cut. Which I hate that I don't have the guts to not care about it.

I have had very short hair for well over 10 years now
i so glad I did it originally I would never have longer hair now (it nearly happened in lockdown that was so awful)
I have disabilities that make looking after my hair hard when it is longer. Having short hair I can easily wash in the shower every morning , rub dry with a towel and just brush it (short means no knots!) means I can as independent as possible

I see other people long hair and it does look lovely but I just accept I have to have mine the way it is. Same with jewellery I cannot wear any jewellery but I love the sparkles other people wear

Oops sorry op I mean to add if you want you hair short do it. No one else’s business
People are being rude if they say that sort of thing
i had one friend always asking me years ago when I going to grow it I just always say never and she not ask no more

People can be really rude. My dd is 13 and has short hair. It’s shaved at the side and has a floppy bit on the other. She loves it, I love it and I’d ignore people who comment. It’s your hair. I can’t believe people go about giving out rude comments about people’s appearance. It’s horrible!

I had to take anti-seizure meds for 5 years (for migraine prevention). They didn't work on the migraines but they did cause my hair to fall out. Topirimate. Pls avoid if you can. My hair has never recovered even though I don't take the meds any more. I now have fine thin hair I can see my scalp through, cut in a little bob. I am told i have permanent telogen efluviam. I am so sad. I have 3 wigs for special occasions but i do miss my bio hair. I may go pixi too (well long fringe pixi). I can't cope with the mess my hair is. Have courage OP, wear good make up and clothes and wear your pixi with pride. xxxxxx

If you want your self esteem to improve you need to own the decisions you make and not look for other's to provide it.

You want short hair - that's your decision. Own it. Get your comebacks ready for any remarks.

Oh that's short. Yes, it's great, low maintenance.

When are you growing it out? Never, I love it this way.

Why have you done that? I really like it this way, I take it you're not a fan.

Girl should have long hair. Paddington bear stare. Really?? Why?

It's a nightmare, isn't it?

If you're continually scraping your hair back, you're probably damaging and weakening it even further. There's several excellent shampoo ranges on the market for regrowth for thinning hair - one that really worked for me was Umberto Giannini Grow Long. It stimulates new growth and made a massive difference to my hair - and I'm in my 60s 😁 It needs to be used regularly, though - it won't work if it's kept in the bottle!

My advice would be to have a good cut to get rid of the damaged ends; if you can afford it splash out on Michael van Clarke's 3 More Inches Lifesaver Pre-Wash Treatment, and invest in a decent shampoo/conditioner. It's not an overnight fix - hair only grows about half an inch per month - but by Summer your hair could be looking fabulous 😊

Sorry... I don't understand this... the hairdresser you were paying refused to cut your hair how you told her you wanted it? And you still paid her?? Why???

Thanks again to all who have posted 🙂

I don’t actually want the hassle of long hair anymore, it looks good but takes a lot of effort / upkeep and I have so much going on that I consider it now a waste of time. I would have gone short ages ago but the rude comments last time put me off. It’s not like I shaved it or dyed it bright pink or anything so I was shocked at how many comments I got (there were many, from different people!) I have tried wigs but the
ones I had were itchy and heavy and I looked awful.

I’ve also tried supplements like biotin, special shampoo and conditioners (plantur 64) I’ve left to dry naturally instead of blowdrying it, deep conditioning treatments etc etc but it’s still weak and like horses hair whenever it grows. I honestly look so awful in the mornings before I get ready for the day, I don’t mind answering the door in my pjs but I would never dream of doing that before I sorted my hair… I think it’s actually affecting me mentally more than I thought it would…

The responses to the rude comments were awesome and Ill have to keep those in mind 🙂 I’m starting to tolerate people less and less as I get older so this will definately help. Maybe I should also adopt the favourite mumsnet response of “did you mean to be so rude?” 🙂

It's only the first time you see people after you've cut your hair that will potentially be annoying, so don't overthink it too much. I've had short hair to very short hair most of my adult life, and sometimes I buzz it all off for months at a time. People don't usually comment unless there's a sudden change. Although I'm growing mine now for the first time in years and I'm getting comments again now I'm progressing through all the awkward lengths!

I loved having short hair, I have to try not to get nostalgic about how easy it was because it severely weakens my resolve to keep growing it.

I disagree with that, the last time I got it all cut off I got months of people asking “oh you still have your hair short then, does it not grow?” Etc etc !

There are alternatives between pixie cuts and long out of condition hair!
If you want a pixie cut, go for it - but if you have a short cut, you will need to keep it trimmed regularly.t
Your hair may not be as thick as it once was - but you can have long or mid length hair and help to keep it in good/better condition by having it cut or trimmed regularly.
My hair is far thinner than it used to be, and being mostly white, a lot dryer - but I found a hairdresser I like, doesn't cost the earth, and get it cut every 3-4 months.
And yes. because of the dryness it can look a bit birds nest in the morning - I just wet it and let it dry naturally.

I've had short hair for twenty years and I still get those comments. One of my good (male) friends follows it up with "I think you looked better with long hair". The evil side of me thinks (but doesn't say) well, I think you looked better without a receding hairline and middle aged spread...

But, the comments are weird and unsolicited feedback two decades later...

Btw I really like having short hair. Only downside is that it needs cutting more regularly as it loses its shape after about 6 weeks.