What do you think makes a good childhood?

[thelmaandlewis]

I remember being fairly happy as a child. Parents split up and dad moved away but I had a very loving mum, stepdad and extended family. We had abroad holidays every year. Didn't do days out that much but I do remember occasional trips to the seaside, theme parks and so on. I remember my mum taking me to the library often and this is something I try to do with my dc too.

I try and keep busy with my kids. But we don't often venture very far out of our hometown as I don't drive. We spend a lot of time walking or going to the park. We have had a few day trips these holiday because it's been Christmas so there's been things like santas grotto, ice skating, Christmas movies at cinema etc to do. But these days kids seem to have and do so much. I worry that I'm not doing enough sometimes. When we are at home the dc are quite happy on their devices in their rooms. Sometimes we get together and play games or do puzzles but mostly I don't force it unless they want to do it.

I think I'm a loving and supportive mum but I could do more with them. I suppose I'm wondering what makes a happy childhood? I never did half the stuff my kids do and I always felt happy. Are expectations greater now? Is being together and having quality time more important than fancy holidays and days out?

Love and stability

Things just being the same, regular and stable. Good to eat together as much as possible but going on loads of outings is not a necessity. The holidays are a great time to build a bond all together.
My fondest memories are around my dm listening to my stories after school and family around the table .

Most important is unconditional love, safety and security at home. As well as being loved it's important a child feels seen, understood and accpeted for who they are. Beyond that I think a decent social life, financial security, a decent education are important. The absence of any major stress can help alot too (e.g. major mental or physical illness in the immediate family, abuse, traumatic divorce or arguments etc) although these can all be mitigated given the right support.

Nice extras but not essential are a larger support network (whether that's family friends or extended family, sport coaches or any adult who knows you and takes an interest), the opportunity to get out of the house and have fun whether that's simple day trips to parks, beaches or stuff like the zoo, holidays abroad etc. anything that adds a bit of colour to life.

Love, stability, your time at least some of the time.

Playing a board game with them for an hour is probably better than ferrying them to a tennis club for the same time.

Lazlo/Laslo has a hierarchy of needs. I expect someone clever can post a picture.

Happiness is the gap between expectations and reality.

Same for children I suppose.

access to seeing all there is can for some leave to fomo - adults and children.

Investing time in your children is what I think love is over anything material - but can’t deny the material stuff can be fun.

How old are your kids OP?
I think what children need changes with age

I consider myself to have had a happy childhood, we didn’t go on many days out as a family or even many holidays we were mostly at home all doing our own things but I loved it. I used to love playing by myself or with my younger sibling, hanging around with friends as I got older, playing outside a lot, reading, writing stories and watching a lot of films. It was a very simple life but I loved it. My own DC love spending time at home and I occasionally feel guilty that we’re not doing enough but I think that’s just social media that makes me feel like that. I wonder if a lot of people do all the stuff just to get a few pictures for social media but do they actually really enjoy it?

Not seeing people shouting at each other or being in a toxic environment
Stability
Love and communication
Safety and connection
Happy memories of time together, whatever form that takes

I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old baby. I think a good childhood for them at this age means knowing they're loved unconditionally, and knowing that they always have a safe home and their parents will always respond to their needs and provide security. It's also about getting the opportunity to play and learn, in a variety of stimulating environments, with their parents and (for the bigger one) with their peers and other trusted adults too.

I'm not really fussed about "making memories" as I'm not sure what they'll actually remember specifically from this time in their lives, if anything. However I do think that an early childhood where they basically felt loved and safe and had fun will create a good foundation for the rest of their lives.

Mine are very young so I'm sure this will change as they grow. It will be interesting to see by how much.

Love, stability and their parents' time and attention

Love
Stability
Boundaries
Basic needs met
Fun
Stuff (more so for teenagers but all kids like stuff - the other things come first though at any age).

After the basics of a warm, comfortable home, good nutritious food, suitable clothes and shoes....
Id say a good childhood is achieved by loving parents and a fun, stress free home.
As a single parent we don't do tonnes of stuff that costs money and i often feel bad.... my 2 have never been abroad and there's plenty of stuff I'd like to do but cant afford ... but we have fun in the house and garden, baking and craft, pyjamas days.... and doing stuff that's free out and about.
I think its basically about loving them, giving them your attention and ensuring they read and do well at school.

Being together and having quality family time is DEFINITELY more important than fancy holidays and days out.

Yes there is alot more expectation, demands, pressure to compete and material things to spend money on now sadly.How old are your DCs? To be honest unless they're teenagers I don't think they should be spending much time on devices especially alone in their rooms.

But you really sound like you are wanting to give them more time, which is a great start 😊

Stability
Supportive
Kind
Loving
Secure
Guidance
Optimistic

I had an unfun and chaotic upbringing. Whilst we're not loaded I try to ensure my dc have a stable calm home. That they know its always a safe haven I will never allow people who aren't kind to them to enter. They do have simple holidays but the house whilst basic is relatively tidy and clean. They never have to stress about clean or fitting uniform the way I did. They don't need to feel embarrassed about bringing friends round . Just calm, stable is what I hope for them.

I think what kids want most is stability, security, some sense of routine and to know that the adults looking after them are in control.

Time together, love, laughter, respect, kindness and consideration.

(Heat, water, food, shelter and clothing obviously as well

Love, stability, security, routine, time

Every night I go into each of my children’s bed for a cuddle and chat before they go to sleep. Yesterday my 9 year old said (completely out of the blue) “I always feel safe when I’m with you mummy”. That’s it really, I know I’m doing a good job.

I had a very happy childhood but can’t really remember day trips / holidays etc, one of my most vivid memories is going into my mum and dads bed when I had a nightmare and the feeling of my mum’s arm around me. She died a few years ago but I sometimes still imagine that arm around me now, and like my son does with me it makes me feel safe and happy.

Attention
affection
laughs
gentleness

Aside from basic needs being met , love, stability, compassionately held boundaries, to feel valued as a person, opportunities to learn and explore, quality time with their parents and family.

I'd also add an absence of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). The more ACEs a child has, the more trauma they're likely to have experienced.

This is such an inspiring thread 🥰

Autonomy within secure boundaries, with the trust in the adult that the boundaries are fairly placed with the best interest of the child at heart.

No erratic or arbitrarily made decisions. Adjusting boundaries when age appropriate. Compromise, admitting fault.

Security, trust, a safety net to pick up the pieces.

A space in which a child is only burdened with childish concerns, no old heads on young shoulders. Equally, encouragement to pursue interests, to learn, and to learn to fail.

No playing bingo with ACEs.

Unconditional love
Stability
Reliable/predictable parent/primary carer
Boundaries

There are (at least) three aspects to a good childhood, only one is in our control. The first is a decent home life, which IMO is about love, safety, support and stability, plus education and a bit of fun. The second is about going to a decent school and living in a safe community (both real and virtual). The third is about living in a safe world with good prospects.

For me the high amount of unhappiness amongst young people is a real concern, clearly the 'good home life' is not enough - I know so many parents who've done a decent job but still have unhappy kids. This is presumably because the second and third layers are really problematic just now.