My family feel like strangers

[HappyCrappyNewYear]

I’m going through one of the toughest times of my life. My family know this.

They still want to celebrate Christmas, wish me Happy New Year etc. I am depressed and not coping at all but none of them have even asked how I am, tried to talk about it with me or offered any practical support.

Likewise, I have a good friend who still wants to see me but either pretends not to hear changes the subject when I talk about the issue.

I definitely don’t go on about it. But now have no choice but to keep everything all bottled up. I really don’t see the point of speaking to them on the phone or spending time with any of them anymore.

I have asked for help from the doctor and mental health services but got nowhere. TBH I just need someone to talk to.

It IS hard for loved ones too. Worrying about mentioning the wrong thing & upsetting you.
Equally they think about the problems then & don't feel there's anything THEY can do, & it probably plays on their minds long after you've left.
Keep trying to get professional help & maybe 'fake it 'till you make it' with family & friends?

mamabear715

I think it’s probably that way for a few older family members but my DSIS just called and said she’s going to see a friend later who’s had ex-boyfriend issues and didn’t want to go out last night. Which is all very nice of her but she doesn’t do the same for me. I think she’s a bit of a narcissist tbh, making herself out to be a kind/caring person to everyone else.

To be fair, I do a few two hours away from her. But she’s travelled to visit people fairly close to me about 4 times in the last year and not come to see me once. She blamed her DP for not wanting to stop but actually he’s pretty easy going, I think it was her.

Without knowing what you're referring to you come across as quite negative in your posts and perhaps your family and friends are consciously or subconsciously distancing themselves from you, especially now during Christmas and New Year, to try and not bring them down.

Sometimes people just can’t cope or don’t have the psychological space to deal with other peoples emotions.

Have you directly told any of your friends/family that you would appreciate having time to speak about how you are feeling?

I do think it’s helpful to be mindful of how much you put onto others. I’ve done this in the past where I’ve focused on my issues too much and others have distanced themselves as I think it was too much or too constant for them.

I'm sorry a our your loved ones - I can't say why they're doing this unless you know they have form for acting this way.

The most important thing is your health. You say you've got nowhere withyour doctor and me that health team - can I ask what you mean? They should be offering you some support. Can I ask do you need from them that they aren't giving (such as medication, therapy, etc)?

Sorry about the typos.

About*
Mental* health team
Can I ask what* you need from them...

I know the feeling. My family are the same and then also try to blame me for anything I'm going through. I luckily have a couple of good friends that I know I can speak to about things.

Do you want to talk to us on here about what you've been going through? Would that help?

I'd also say that if they are unhelpful and dismissive of your issues then might be best to keep them at arms length for a while.

To be honest, I find most people to be this way. People tend to be caught up in their own daily lives and it doesn't cross their mind to check in. It can also be the case that people avoid asking because they feel incompetent - like they don't know how to help, what to say, etc. They can also fear bringing up possibly-difficult topics out of worry that you don't want to be reminded of what you're struggling with, and instead they try to distract you by pretending it's not happening. Any all or of these things have been true with just about everyone I've ever known. Family, close friends, all of them.

I understand that it can be difficult to get anywhere via a GP, due to long waitlists. Can you afford to use Better Help for a while? I believe it costs around £50 per week and you can talk to a therapist remotely, from home.

MIND also has a list of resources here if you want to try any of them - www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/