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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fed up of partner getting drunk

2 replies

Rineleen · 01/01/2023 03:38

First time poster. AIBtotallyU?

Husband isn't a massive drinker, but is a big social drinker when he goes out. Has always struggled to say no to the final pint, complete people pleaser, and stays out way later than he ever intends, or so he tells me. We have a 9 month old so I'd expect some sort of responsibility should have kicked in by now and he goes out more now than he ever did before I was pregnant. He's a wonderful dad but I'm getting a bit sick of the excuses.

Over Christmas in particular, he got in at half 5 in the morning on two occasions. One time, me and the little one were out as I knew he'd be late and he told me he would. Fair enough, but I shouldn't have had to leave our house but hey ho, it was on my terms. Second time, he promised he'd be on the last bus home and in he stumbled, no contact to tell me he'd be late in, he wasn't answering calls and so I was sick with worry.

Tonight, we were with family for nye with the little one and the plan always was for me to stay until bedtime, then I go home with baba. He stayed until midnight then he'd sorted a lift from his mum. Baby'd taken a massive turn tonight and gradually got more poorly as the night went on, so I called and said he needed to get home as tomorrow might be a tricky day. I get a message before 1am saying he doesn't know whether he's staying out or not and there's videos all over socials of him doing shots. Marvellous. Obviously, I'm fizzing, and call him reasonably to say that she needs both of us tomorrow on form.

He's come home eventually, fair enough, but he's an absolute state and will probably be fit for nothing tomorrow. I mean, I'll wake him up regardless but I'll just get aggro if I do,so I'll suck that up.

It's not the first time this has happened and it definitely won't be the last, but it blinking well should be. He's flat out asleep and I'm wide awake worrying about a poorly baby so I'll probably be just as knackered as him, minus the hangover.

And I'm out next week for the first time since August, and my god will I be catching up on all the fizz I've missed!!

Am I just over thinking this? Or do I need to stand my ground and tell him what for? He's not one to take my criticisms of him calmly so I hate any conversation like that and preempt the potential kick off, but it has to be said sometimes.

OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 01/01/2023 03:48

It feels hypocritical in a way to say this, as I'm up at 03:40 getting gently pissed, but I don't think YABU at all. I chose not to have children for a myriad of reasons, a fairly minor one in the scheme of things was the freedom to stay up getting pissed when I feel like it and don't have work next day. But your DH has fathered a child who is now unwell, so he needs to accept his responsibilities - it's unfair for you to shoulder the whole burden of your DC being ill. You'd certainly not be unreasonable to tell him so.

I hope your LO is better soon and that you enjoy your well-deserved night out next week.Wine

Lor22 · 07/05/2023 22:35

Going through the same thing right now with two children ages 5&7. It makes you feel like you are going crazy but it's definitely not your fault.

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