To make a point to my bickering children and just go to bed?

[WellyBoot12345]

My children (14, 13, 11) fight and bicker constantly, it ruins our family life and I’m totally in despair about it but although they know how much it upsets me, their main priority is just to get one over on the other. This is the constant dynamic in our house and nothing I do ever seems to change it. We’ve just tried to play a board game, one stomped off and refused to play, despite the fact that another one has been looking forward to playing it tonight for a week. Now they’re all back in the living room, making little snide comments at each other but any attempts from me to address it lead to them having a go at me for being over sensitive! Shall I just throw the towel in, leave them to it and go to bed in the hope that this time next year they’ll be able to be nicer to each other and that they get the message that I’ve had enough of their bickering? Or should I stick it out to wish them a happy new year?

Send them all to bed. Absolutely insist. Anyone coming downstairs before 7am gets no breakfast, and has to wash up for a week.

Then close the sitting room door, open a bottle of wine and have an hour's peace.

Only 4 more days and they'll be back at school 😅

Well my head says go to bed.
I'm mum to two bickering teens and I'm also worn out with it all. I'm considering cancelling the summer holiday (well my head says cancel but I know I won't.
Perhaps going to bed OP will trigger change.

Sympathies from me. That is all

Tell them tomorrow is your day off. You won't be making meals /providing laundry services or referreeing.
They muddle through or kill each other but you won't be available..

Send them to their rooms if they can't be civil. Also change the WiFi password daily, and tell them to be nicer to you and each other, before you let them have it.

If they kick off, just alter it and they'll soon learn.

This is where I feel grateful for a 14 year age gap between my children - no chance of a teen and a toddler bickering 😂

I'd just go to bed if I were you OP. Leave them to it!

Oh the timing of your post! Read this out to my bickering children, totally us they said, then they went back to bickering. Their advice is ‘leave them to it’! I think that means you get to go to bed.

I send mine to bed when the bickering becomes too much but do what’s best for your sanity.

Send them to bed. If they can't be nice to each other and can't stop being snide they separate and go upstairs. I do feel for you - I have 2 DS, they just seem to needle each other, try to get one over on the other, however stupid it is. Drives me crazy. I have really tried to resolve it, pleaded, cried, reasoned, ignored, been to family counselling. They are now early twenties, it still happens. Sorry OP!

The next one who makes a snide comment gets sent to bed/their room, followed by the next one etc. I wouldn’t wait it out til midnight just for the sake it, they’re more than old enough to control their bickering and why should you have to go to bed early!

Absolutely.
You need to go zero tolerance for a bit.
Very effective.

Your children are close together in ages and it can present challenges.

It is too important to keep yourself and your marriage well for a family to survive.

Bickering children needs firm, calm, zero tolerance parenting.

It works.
Its not popular nor PC but a happy marriage is very important to children, so you need tactical warfare.

Bickering children wear parents down.
Big time.

I know. I've had these children.
Its very normal.
Team management is crucial.

But a little discomfort can focus children.

I believe in firm punishment and general torture of my children to put manners on them.

Withdraw all technology 😱
No TV😱
No taxi😱
No junk food bought😱😱
Plain healthy dinners they hate 😱😱😱

Husband and I in the corner huddled, united in our evil laughs....as our terrorised children huddle together terrified of us as we discus future slow cooker stew dinners😁

United my husband and myself were unbeatable against our spoiled ungrateful privileged progeny......

It only ever took a few days of misery in our zero tolerance home to remind them how blessed they were and how life would return to normal if they would cop themselves on.

They have turned our really well and we are hugely proud of them.

Thank you everyone for being so lovely and supportive. Feel much better that it’s not just me!!

@WellyBoot12345, tell them they all need to go to bed as you aren't prepared to referee between the three of them.
Another day when it's earlier it they start up, tell them to go for it - you won't get involved. (Oh, how I can see the frothers emerging from their holes already!)
I'm betting that they won't dare to kick off, because they are relying on you to be there and mediate.
I did this with my DCs. They were shocked and backed down quite quickly from each other. It was never as bad again although they still squabbled.

Love it! They are pains at meal times, there is always one who doesn’t like what is for dinner and fusses and wails … so bring it on, the slow cooker is coming out again. I only used it once and there were such protests about slow cooked pork that I shoved it to the back of the cupboard and tried to blot out the memory. Five bean chilli and brown rice it is - if they want to make me miserable, I can play that game too!!

Oh I cancelled NYE celebrations here too. Said happy New Year etc but no countdown (fake time anyway) or extra fun. Mine are younger but the bickering...oh sweet mother divine the bickering. It will be the death of me.
I also lectured today about how sick I am of cooking day in day out only to hear someone complain Every time....there is NEVER 3 happy campers.
Bloody head wreck.
New years resolution is to stop trying to create nice experiences for us because I don't have the energy anyway and I just end up resentful when they are ungrateful and bickering and I get all ranty and shouting and then just feel shit!
Lowering the expectations bar to zero!

Oh, and I crucially forgot to mention that, by our going off piste #nuclear...they totally forgot their annoyances with each other as they united against the common enemy....suddenly firm Dad, uncooperative mother to their social diaries, zero tech, no taxi, shit healthy food.

Ours were always tighter than a SEAL unit after a much needed Zero tolerance episode.

A little appreciation can go a long way when you have been doing too much for those around you.