DH’s best mate and his complicated love life

[DarthVadersShinyLightSabre]

DH has been best mates with Yoda since the beginning secondary school - we are now in our thirties.

Just before lockdown, Yoda met two women online, Leia and Padme. They didn’t know about each other and there was an unspoken assumption by Yoda when we met them individually that we wouldn’t let on to one about the other. This was pretty awkward and quite stressful at times.

He’s kept both relationships going since then and although he talked endlessly about making a final choice, he never seemed to actually get around to it. Inevitably, Leia and Padme found out about each other through mutual friends seeing them out with Yoda, but both seemed outwardly happy enough to accept the situation.

Eventually, Leia got pregnant and admitted to us that she hoped a baby would make Yoda commit to her despite the fact that he’d told DH that he felt more strongly about Padme. Padme also knew about the baby, but has continued a relationship with him regardless.

My AIBU is that there’s an eternal triangle with the 3 of them and we keep getting pulled into all their dramas and I want DH to step well back. DH is very loyal and tries to be a good friend but every few days Leia throws Yoda out because she knows he’s still seeing Padme. he comes around to us to sofa surf, she’s on the phone in tears, he goes off to Padme for a week or so. Then there’s a great reconciliation with happy family photos posted of Yoda, Leia and the baby.

DH feels he has to be supportive because he’s a mate, I think he’s being too nice and accommodating and that the three of them need to sort their own problems and stop involving us. We were invited around tonight for NYE with Yoda and Leia but I put my foot down and said I wasn’t prepared to be part of the charade any more but DH thinks I should just chill and not get wound up as it’s not us with the issues. Unfortunately, I do get wound up because I know any peace will be temporary, the merry go round starts up again and we’ll be yet again pulled into the drama.

AIBU or do I just grit my teeth in the hope that long term DH will see why I’m so fed up?

Personally, if I knew that Yoda was lying to these women, saying each relationship was monogamous/sexually exclusive when it wasn't, that would be reason enough for me to stop socialising with him. That's kind of an irrelevance now that it's all put in the open and they're seemingly happily polygamous, though.

You can certainly say you don't want Yoda sleeping on your couch and/or that you don't want to hang out with a bunch of drama queens. That's perfectly reasonable. But if your husband decides to continue to see them without you, that's up to him. I wouldn't keep trying to get someone to dump his oldest friend after I'd stated my reasons once for distancing myself. I would expect him to stop trying to include me though, and to respect my desire to cut these people out of my life as much as possible.

Confused me you have.

😂😂😂

😁😁

I think I’m with your husband - they obviously all know about each other, so leave them to it.

You're not unreasonable for being fed up. I'd say no to having Yoda on your couch again. But if all of them know what's going on let them at it. It sounds like a complete mess though.

Can you not just tell him it'll be a cold day inside a Tauntaun before you indulge his mate and his deeply dysfunctional family dynamics again?

After all, whilst the Ewok women are clearly worshipping him and his golden cock as a God, it's great for him, but those little furry critters are absolutely lethal when they finally have enough of this shit.

Leia shouldn't have gotten pregnant to a man she knew couldn't be faithful;sounds like Leia tried to trap Yoda.

Both Leia and Padme shouldn't be doing the pick me dance and both should tell Yoda to feck off.

Yoda is an A-hole for stringing two women along.

Stepping back from the situation might be a good idea but you're not able to police how your DH supports his friends.

Should have added you can say no to Yoda couch surfing though as it's both of your home,Yoda should go to a hotel etc

Hilarious!
But OP, I don't blame you for being fed up with it. No Yoda on the sofa I say. It's probably only a matter of time before this bites your DH and/or you on the arse. Wide berth

They should all just move in together and become a thrupple 🤷‍♀️

Sofa surfing should be where someone has been made homeless because of escaping from domestic abuse, or a fire, or eviction perhaps. Not because someone cannot keep it in their trousers.

If DH meets the man child (to be polite) in cafes, pubs or socially that is one thing, but not staying in your home.

I’d say no to the sofa surfing and I’d be a bit pissed off that my Dh had such shit taste in friends. I would not want to socialise with him or either of the women. I’m astonished that they’re both merrily carrying on, where is their self respect?

Thank you for your replies. Useful to have other perspectives on the situation.

Quite agree about Leia and Padme’s self esteem. I’d like to bang their heads together and point out he’s having the time of his life whilst they’re both being emotionally (and financially) screwed over - he currently doesn’t contribute to either his baby or living expenses whilst he’s in Leia’s house and appears to freeload of Padme too when they’re an item - but they probably know that and as long as they enable him, he’ll just continue. Yoda is a nice enough guy socially, but I seriously don’t get why these two are effectively fighting over him - but I suspect he secretly loves it! It gets a bit tough/boring with one so off he goes to the other.

I think the suggestion about DH meeting Yoda on neutral ground is a good one. I don’t want to be a controlling wife who says who he can’t be friends with, but I’m fed up with our free time being spent trying to unpick problems of their own making. He has family locally too that he could go home to but I suppose our place is easier because DH doesn’t really question Yoda’s life choices. I’m almost 100% he knows that I’m not happy as he always asks DH whenever he wants a ‘favour’ as before Yoda started this 3 way relationship, we always got on really well and used to be really open with each other.

I am going to put my foot down about him dossing down at our place when things go pear shaped though. It’s my home too and he does have other options.

Loving the character names instead of A, B, C
I agree that saying no to sofa surfing, and asking your DH to meet Yoda on neutral ground is the way forward.

Both women need therapy. Yoda needs a bollocking.

Absolutely this!
So much unnecessary drama and particularly heartbreaking that a baby has been brought into this too.

I don't think you should have used their real names, OP- could be outing.

That’s true and a good point. Yoda is really Han Solo! 😆

Invite all bloody 3 around to yours and chair the meeting ....