To wish we had joint friends?

[G874]

I've had 3 longish relationships and in these relationships never have me and a partner had mutual friends/couples that we can socialise with. With the second relationship I had a lovely friend with a partner who I got along well with but my current partner at the time wasn't interested in any social events we had together e.g barbecues, meet ups etc and so I would mostly go alone.
My partners friends have always been single immature men (obviously says alot about my type as my partners have ended up being immature knobs I just never saw it at the time 😂)
Me and current partner have no mutual friends we socialise with, I have friends with partners but we never do anything all together as the men on both sides aren't really interested. My partner doesnt have many friends but the ones he does have they only socialise together doing things such as football, gym etc, infact I've never met his closest friend as he doesnt ever bring him to the house or anything.

Just sitting here having a few drinks preparing nibbles for new yrs eve thinking how nice it would be to invite friends and their partners over, just feels like everyone I know does things like that and I dont think I'll ever experience it.

Does everyone have friends with partners that they socialise with, am I actually missing out on anything?

You're never alone with a joint.

Maybe a joint would help 😂

just invite your friends and their partners round

That wouldn't go down well, I have a friend round regularly minus her partner normally when partner is at work and if he comes home he is in a rush to get rid of her. He has no interest in socialising with friends over dinner, drinks etc.

I think you have answered your own question... your friends should be welcome with your partner.

If my partner was like that with my friends I wouldn’t be his partner. As another poster said you’ve answered your own question as to why, people your partner isn’t interested and makes friends feel uncomfortable

I think it depends on when you met your partner. Also maybe the circumstances of where you met. So if you met at uni and a group of you were friends and all hung out together and you all coupled up whilst there, then you are more likely to all be friends together and do things together. If you met later on in life and you met online, then no, you won’t know couples in the same way.
Maybe others will be along to disprove my theory.

It's a shame your partner isn't more interested in your friends and socialsing as I do think it is great you are able to do this as you can soend time with your partner and friends at the same time. I would personally find it difficult to be in a relationship with someone like that, particularly as it seems quite rude for your partner to make no effort with your friends. Some of my closest friends are just as important to me as family so for him not to make an effort with them and their partners would not be okay for me. I love spending time with my DH and my friends. He has actually made some great friends from getting to know my friend's partners. It sounds like you would like to have more of a social group OP and I wonder if your partner is the right person for you if they can't make an effort with your friends even for your sake?

I think it may indicate a difference and possibly an incompatibility (depending how important it is to you) between you and your partner more than anything else - you like dinner parties and that kind of slightly more formal socialising, whereas that isn't your bloke's thing.

My most recent ex husband loved that sort of thing - he was always inviting couples over for dinner - I hated it as I am shy and just don't like that sort of thing - I used to drink too much out of nerves and in fact I think it is one of the reasons I went on to develop a drink problem! (My own fault - I could have just said no obviously). I do like socialising but a more relaxed vibe - maybe watching a film with friends or a relaxed night in a pub with a game of pool, something like that.

Neither you nor your partner are right or wrong - it's just preference - but unless you can find a compromise position it might be an issue going forwards. I am now with a man who also hates dinner parties and am much happier, and don't drink any more!