So my DH and I both work long hours in very similar roles. Today, I told my friend that we were getting ready to have a few of the kids' friends over tonight, but that I was tired as I was working late last night and didn't really feel like making a big effort. I happened to mention to her that I'd cleaned one room and done the shopping and that now DH was cleaning another room. She said, "Oh, that's nice! He's helping you!" When I said no, he was pulling his weight like a reasonable human adult, she said that in her opinion, making a home was the role of the woman. Then started telling me about other high-flying women who also think like her and see their role, not just as breadwinners but home-makers too.
Now, I have an "it's complicated" situation on-going in my marriage, which means my DH and I are friends and live more like housemates at present, although I have another home I have recently done up to move into myself. I've done the home-making in our joint home for years and it was never appreciated and often laughed at or criticised. She knows this but I pointed it out again, at which she laughed and said, "You don't want to take care of your home but you're happy to do up another house!"
AIBU to think that in the 21st C, it is perfectly acceptable to expect a man to pull his weight in the house and that when he does, he isn't "helping" you, but just being a decent human being. Or is this just too big an ask still?