DD cut contact with her father

[DarthvaderbuttoyouitsjustDarth]

My Adult DD cut ties with her father. I don’t actually mind this as he left me and started a new life with someone else AND had more children which at the time destroyed me.

The thing is, he didn’t really do anything wrong to our DD. She spent time with him and new family and loved having siblings.

She had a spat with her SM when she was in her late 20s and because her DF didn’t back her up, she told him she didn’t want to see him anymore. This by default meant her teenage siblings too. I think she thought this wouldn’t happen but she hasn’t seen them or barely spoken to them in over 2 years.

DF my ex clearly isn’t going to chose his DD over his new family. DD is stubborn but I wonder how she would feel if her DF died or her relationship with siblings continues to deteriorate. It’s too late for SM - she doesn’t want my DD anywhere near her which makes things harder to patch up.

AIBU for worrying that my DD has made a mistake or should I just enjoy not having to hear about my ex and his family anymore?

I think you might need to look up that definition. It's what I did when I was in similar situation to op.Not for my ex or sm but for my daughter..

Op has so far done none of what I did. But she's posted which makes me think that a echo chamber isn't what she wanted. If she was 100% she was right on all fronts and all was well, I doubt she would have posted.

I'm a adult step child as well. Not that that's worth much here.

But if your triggered or offended by what I put then that speaks to you more than it does to me.

She’s made her choice, respect that. Don’t risk your own relationship with your daughter. If she wants nothing to do with her father, she’s probably best without his kids as well, less drama.

She's an adult. Her choice. He's an adult - he could make an effort being her dad and older but he's not. Leave it alone - it's not your fight to have.

I get you are worried but there could be so many other dynamics going on for your dd that have informed this decision. It’s not your game, so leave her to make her choices and do as she wants.

Is the fact that her dad isn’t even trying to make any contact with her not telling?

I mean if she did something horrendous or was generally problematic I’d understand.

However, if there was simply a minor falling out that has got a bit too dramatic, wouldn’t a normal loving father attempt to make contact with their child? Even just a text to check how she is, ask to chat about things?

Obviously It’s just a theory, as I don’t know the wider context.

Yes it is mystifying as to why he isn’t trying harder. She did block him and tell him not to contact but if he really wanted to, he could bypass all that. I know him, he is very much non confrontational so he’s probably decided that’s what she wants and he’s respectful of that. He doesn’t understand she would probably like him to actually try. The SM will have also blocked him from doing this as he’s quite weak. Oh well I’m just going to be there to pick up the pieces when she realises she can’t ever go back to how things were.

I think, in your situation, I would put the concerns you have put here to your daughter. She's an adult, it's her choice, but as we all know adults don't always get things right just because they got bigger. So just mention that it worries you and give reasons, but provided she's given all this due consideration then, as others have said, respect her decision. Presumably you've brought up a reasonably intelligent woman. She may put your mind at rest or she may simply not have thought of that angle. Or, as someone else said, she may believe she's being loyal to you, and it may help to know you don't expect that of her. Then say no more on the subject unless she wants to discuss it. That would work for me and I think for my DC (well, two of them at least).

When her half siblings are adults they might all pick up the relationship on their own terms without involving their parents’ generation. Or not. Your DD fell out with their mum so they might be mad at her too.
It’s really not your problem OP. This happened when your DD was in her late 20s. You were not involved in any way. Stay out of it unless asked.

Yes it is mystifying as to why he isn’t trying harder. She did block him and tell him not to contact but if he really wanted to, he could bypass all that. I know him, he is very much non confrontational so he’s probably decided that’s what she wants and he’s respectful of that. He doesn’t understand she would probably like him to actually try.

I’d understand this if we were talking about a teen. But your DD is an adult. This is manipulative behaviour. If someone blocks you and tells you not to contact them, then to continue to do so or “find a way around it” could be construed as harassment. The reason he is not “trying harder” is he is probably respecting what he thinks her wishes are. Perhaps the SM has some hand in that, but your DD has made her wishes very clear by asking him not to contact her and blocking him and I don’t think she - or you - have any right to be mad that he’s respecting that. If she’s blocked him, she also might not know if he’s tried to contact her periodically because the contact will have been blocked by her phone/messaging app!

I’m sure her DF has his part in this, don’t get me wrong, but this is totally unreasonable. People aren’t mind readers.

sounds like she made the right call to be honest. He’s not exactly father of the year.