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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to enjoy a few hours with family tonight. Dh has been working

24 replies

Lichensclerosus · 31/12/2022 11:21

Been invited out tonight starts at 7. Id like to go and spend a couple of hours catching up with some family, and obviously taking my family along we wouldn't be staying untill midnight as we have younger children. Dh has been awake since 4am starts work at 5 and will be finished around 3pm today, his not really wanting to go as he doesn't do late nights (most nights his in bed for 8pm) but has said he understands its a family gathering so would look bad if he didn't come along although told me he may be mardy and tired-Aibu for making him come ? I don't want him to be a mardy butt all evening and I do understand his been at work all day that his job is very stressful but also its just a few hours and his got a few days off now

OP posts:

FionnulaTheCooler · 31/12/2022 11:24

Why can't you just go with the kids? I probably wouldn't feel like going if I'd been up since 4am and at work all day either, surely your family will understand?

UnpackThisMess · 31/12/2022 11:25

He should either go or not but to go and then be mardy is bloody childish.

StripeyDeckchair · 31/12/2022 11:25

Let him go home after work, have some chill out time & then spend a bit of time together when you get home with the kids.
Just tell the people you're seeing he's working.
Simple. Everyone gets to do what they want.

ApolloandDaphne · 31/12/2022 11:25

You can't make a grown adult go anywhere. If he is too tired then just go alone. I get that it would be nice to have him there but there is no point falling out over it.

Menomenon · 31/12/2022 11:28

Well, he’s just setting himself up for some free Entitled Manchild behaviour.

The only way he won’t look bad is if he goes and is cheerful. That’s the polite and positive thing to do. To go and sulk at someone else’s do is horrible.

TeaMeBasil · 31/12/2022 11:36

Why would it look bad? He's been working and up since 4am??

He's clearly only saying he'll go because you're telling him to, I'd be mardy too - just let him be and go yourself with the kids?

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 31/12/2022 11:38

Give him a hug, tell him to enjoy a few hours if down time, have a bath, that kind of thing.

Take the kids and go without him.

DDivaStar · 31/12/2022 11:42

Either go with the kid and bd leave him at home, or could he have a sleep before even he gets home from work. I don't know why anyone would think badly of him not going when he's working so early......

Relocatiorelocation · 31/12/2022 11:44

If I'd been up since 4 I'd be deliriously tired by 8. You can't "make" your husband go to a party. Take the dc and go, or don't, but the poor man alone.

LlynTegid · 31/12/2022 11:52

I would hope anyone would be understanding if someone who started work at 5am did not join an evening out. Go without him.

Notjusta · 31/12/2022 11:52

Agree with PP that he WBU to go and sulk or be mardy. That's not on. But YABU to make him go.

I am supposed to be at a party this evening that I don't want to go to. My DH will be upset if I don't go. I wish he would just say to me that it doesn't matter and he understands. But he won't. I resent him for it.

CoorieIn · 31/12/2022 11:58

In his shoes I wouldn't go and DH wouldn't expect me to and vice versa. If one of us just couldn't be arsed and it was important then that's different but he's been up since before dawn. Can you not arrange a catch up on one of his days off?

TheresNothingIWantMore · 31/12/2022 12:08

I don't think he's saying hell be deliberately mardy as some kind of protest as others have suggested - more that hell be too tired to meaningfully join in with everyone.

If I were him I think I'd try to get some sleep as soon as I got home with the aim of coming along, but would only attend if I managed to get enough sleep and felt up to it.

Don't pressure him into going because it's what you want or think it's expected - you can't force a tired person to be fun and active!

QWE96 · 31/12/2022 12:14

You can't make an adult do anything. He's been up since 4am - have some empathy! It wouldn't make him look bad that he's not going, considering he's been working since the early hours of this morning.

Bigbadfish · 31/12/2022 15:37

He shouldn't go! Surely everyone would understand and wish him well?

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 15:46

He has been up since 4, you’re being unreasonable to expect him to come.

In your shoes I’d compromise, go as a family for an hour, he goes home with the kids and then you can stay till midnight and have some proper time with wider family.

PumpkinPie2016 · 31/12/2022 16:19

Sorry but in his position, I wouldn't want to go.

He got up at 4 and then worked 5am-3pm. He's probably very tired.

I would tell him you will take the kids and he can chill at home. It won't look bad - if people ask where he is, you simply explain that he has been up since 4am for work and is tired.

DisforDarkChocolate · 31/12/2022 16:23

Leave him at home, he'll be bloody tired.

purplecorkheart · 31/12/2022 16:29

Leave him stay home. If he is being up since 4 am he will be struggling to keep his eyes open. You mention your family, sometimes chatting to inlaws is hard work

LizzieLoO37 · 09/08/2023 17:34

Am I being a CF to say the phrase "treat others how you'd like to be treated?" I would definitely not want to go to anything social after a 4am wake up then working all day. Just leave him rest and then you can ask for a night off in the future xx

NotAMug · 09/08/2023 18:21

I am actually really shocked at how many people are saying they would be so tired by 8pm if they got up at 4am. He has 8 hrs asleep which is a normal amount so a late night when he has a few days off seems reasonable. Does no one ever go out past 11pm at weekends at all?

Nochoiceleft · 09/08/2023 19:20

@LizzieLoO37 I think you might be a little late to respond.

LizzieLoO37 · 09/08/2023 19:25

Didn't know there was a deadline?! Peace out x

Nochoiceleft · 09/08/2023 19:44

@LizzieLoO37 she posted it on New Year’s Eve about going out that night.

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