Not wanting intimacy with DH

9 replies

swuidge · 30/12/2022 21:16

So I am 5mnths postpartum and have a toddler. Since having my 2nd child I cannot stand physical contact from my husband. (I can't control it)

I don't want to be touched, hugged or kissed by him let alone being intimate; which I know he is craving so bad. When he does any of these this I retract and feel cringed out.

He's trying so hard to make me feel better, says sweet things or keeps trying to be affectionate. I've explained that I'm probably touched out from being with two young children ALL day everyday, but I just can't shake the feeling of almost repulsion of being touched.

I'm also finding two young children, house work and being out of work so hard and feel a little stir crazy with the monotony of it all. I wonder if this could be related.

please note - He doesn't repulse me in anyway, I find him super attractive and love him immensely, so it hurts to have these emotions let alone make him aware of it

Has anyone else had this or am I being crazy?

OP posts:

UnpackThisMess · 30/12/2022 21:20

Sounds like a weird version of PND. Speak to your GP.

MelchiorsMistress · 30/12/2022 21:23

Are you breastfeeding? I found that made a big difference, but couldn’t see it until after I’d stopped.

Bestcatmum · 30/12/2022 21:25

I didn't get any libido back for at least a year after I had my baby. Its perfectly normal.

User65412 · 30/12/2022 21:29

I had this but to a lesser extent. I'm 7 weeks pp with my second and it's the same this time. I think it's definitely the breastfeeding for me.
I know my husband misses it but he understands that after what I've put my body through (twice!), and with the constant demands of breastfeeding, he has to just suck it up and wait. I told him straight and I don't feel the slightest bit bad or sorry for him. He's understanding and knows when I'm ready, I'll make it known.

Ireallywantsomechips · 30/12/2022 21:36

I disliked my DH for a good year postpartum so I definitely didn’t want intimacy. Objectively speaking I could look at him and think wow he is so attractive so it wasn’t that he repulsed me. Just exhausted, touched out and zero sex drive.

I kept communicating to my husband how much I loved him and how I did fancy him etc and it went back to normal in the end. I did notice he would come for affection and intimacy at really inconvenient moments too and once we realised that and he did it at better times that helped me not feel bad for dismissing him as I’m trying to make bottles, get nappies etc

WoMandalorian · 30/12/2022 21:38

Are you breastfeeding? I had this with all 3 of mine. It's as if your hormones are completely gone. It gets better as you stop breastfeeding as much (mine were always around the age of 1)

Dietgonetoshit · 30/12/2022 21:41

MelchiorsMistress · 30/12/2022 21:23

Are you breastfeeding? I found that made a big difference, but couldn’t see it until after I’d stopped.

This and cerazette pill. Complete and utter passion killers. Grim.

Lemonnhoney · 30/12/2022 21:44

Yep. I'm 11 months post partum with my 3rd child and still have zero sex drive. It's hard!! I don't have any desire at all .. and then i feel like if I have a cuddle/kiss ect it may lead to that and I really don't want it too!!

He is understanding and we both know this happens postpartum and it will return. Luckily he doesn't complain/make remarks.. but I still feel bad sometimes 😂

Original poster

swuidge · 30/12/2022 22:00

Yes, I'm breastfeeding. I didn't have this with my 1st as much or for as long and defo this time round I feel utterly put off by the thought of sex.

He does seem to be seeking affection at completely the wrong time, like making lunch or when I'm about to do something, which just then hets me flustered.

OP posts:

Flip