Overprotective?

Sooziewoozie · 2022-12-30T18:43:22+00:00

I am a self-confessed over-protective parent to my 15yr old DD who I absolutely adore! She has just started seeing a boy (same age) who used to go to her school. He seems very nice and I have, today met both parents and his younger brother and all their dogs/puppies etc. They too, seem like really lovely people. She has been invited there tomorrow for NYE. She told me his mum said she could stay the night if she wanted to. I have said 'absolutely not'! She has only been seeing him for about 2 weeks and it's gone from 0-60 overnight! They've seen each other most days over the Christmas break. I've told her instead, that I'll pick her up at 12:30am so she can see the New Year in so try him. I've also made it clear that she won't be staying at his house any time soon. What would you do?

Helpmesortit · 30/12/2022 18:44

I would do the same…no way!

BungleandGeorge · 30/12/2022 18:44

I’m guessing his mum didn’t mean in the same bed?

Original poster

Sooziewoozie · 30/12/2022 18:44

See the New Year in with him! Not sure what I meant there!! 🤣

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Original poster

Sooziewoozie · 30/12/2022 19:03

Having met her (she offered prior to this) I think not and I’m well aware that if shenanigans are going to happen, they’ll happen regardless but I think perhaps I shouldn’t encourage this possibility?

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Theimpossiblegirl · 30/12/2022 19:07

It's early days so that seems reasonable. Going forward they'll end up staying at each others' but you don't have to allow same rooms.

You might want to have a chat about contraception and help her get sorted if she's not already. It sounds like you're close enough to navigate this well.

Womencanlift · 30/12/2022 19:12

It depends on what you mean by “self confessed over protective parent”.

Are you wrapping her up in cotton wool which means when the inevitable happens she won’t confide in you or do you show you trust her to make good decisions and come for you for advice when needed?

While 15 is still young you do need to accept she is growing up and can’t be over protected for ever. While you may not agree to this time it should be opening up a conversation for other instances where she will be staying outside the home

N4ish · 30/12/2022 19:20

No way would I allow her to stay over! Don’t think that’s being overprotective.

User0ne · 30/12/2022 19:26

I wouldn't allow her to stay over at 2 weeks but what you've offered as an alternative sounds ok.

I would buy her some condoms, make sure she has details for how to access other contraception (eg the pill) and ask if she wants your support for her to make an appointment.

CoralreefBex · 30/12/2022 19:48

Depends what you mean by ‘any time soon’

I’d personally say you’re being over protective, but understandable at 2 weeks, but they will most likely be moving forward with their relationship anyway, it’s time to ensure she is on reliable contraception

Original poster

Sooziewoozie · 30/12/2022 20:09

Womencanlift · 30/12/2022 19:12

It depends on what you mean by “self confessed over protective parent”.

Are you wrapping her up in cotton wool which means when the inevitable happens she won’t confide in you or do you show you trust her to make good decisions and come for you for advice when needed?

While 15 is still young you do need to accept she is growing up and can’t be over protected for ever. While you may not agree to this time it should be opening up a conversation for other instances where she will be staying outside the home

I wouldn’t say I’m wrapping her in cotton wool and I would like to think she’d confide in me although I’m not sure she’d agree . I have had the condom chat but stressed that she’s too young right now. She’s 16 in early Feb and she’s well aware of the law

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worstusernameeverx2 · 30/12/2022 20:14

I would let her but I'm quite easy going by others standards

CoralreefBex · 30/12/2022 20:30

Sooziewoozie · 30/12/2022 20:09

I wouldn’t say I’m wrapping her in cotton wool and I would like to think she’d confide in me although I’m not sure she’d agree . I have had the condom chat but stressed that she’s too young right now. She’s 16 in early Feb and she’s well aware of the law

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Kindly it’s not up to you to decide she is too young ‘right now’

and the condom chat is fine, but what about more reliable forms of contraception?

Original poster

Sooziewoozie · 30/12/2022 20:40

CoralreefBex · 30/12/2022 20:30

Kindly it’s not up to you to decide she is too young ‘right now’

and the condom chat is fine, but what about more reliable forms of contraception?

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Surely as she’s only 15, it IS up to me to decide she’s too young because she’s under age and still technically a child?

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lailamaria · 30/12/2022 20:52

well in your opinion when will she be old enough to have the talk, if you think she wouldn't talk to you if she did have sex because she is afraid of your reaction isn't that a sign to change the way you treat her and loosen the reins a bit, and i mean have the talk without you stressing to her that she's really too young to have this talk, and i agree with coral, you need to get her to talk to a doctor independently about birth control

CoralreefBex · 30/12/2022 20:54

Sooziewoozie · 30/12/2022 20:40

Surely as she’s only 15, it IS up to me to decide she’s too young because she’s under age and still technically a child?

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It’s not up to you, she has body autonomy.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/12/2022 20:55

You are being more than reasonable. We wouldn’t have wanted our 15 year old daughter or son staying over either.

Original poster

Sooziewoozie · 30/12/2022 20:59

lailamaria · 30/12/2022 20:52

well in your opinion when will she be old enough to have the talk, if you think she wouldn't talk to you if she did have sex because she is afraid of your reaction isn't that a sign to change the way you treat her and loosen the reins a bit, and i mean have the talk without you stressing to her that she's really too young to have this talk, and i agree with coral, you need to get her to talk to a doctor independently about birth control

I’m not saying she wouldn’t talk to me and I would certainly be able to discuss it with her without stressing. I do think it’s important that I’m not seen to encourage her though?

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Quveas · 30/12/2022 20:59

Sooziewoozie · 30/12/2022 20:40

Surely as she’s only 15, it IS up to me to decide she’s too young because she’s under age and still technically a child?

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Good luck with that. It's worked so well for centuries. Staying over and having sex are not the same thing. You can stop the former - maybe - but never the latter. But why are you assuming that one means the other?

Original poster

Sooziewoozie · 30/12/2022 21:00

Thank you

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lailamaria · 30/12/2022 21:03

so many parents think burying their heads in the sand is somehow discouraging it however it really isn't it's just making their kids hesitant to talk to them out of fear of punishment

HikingforScenery · 30/12/2022 21:03

I think you’re going about things the right way, OP. You’re encouraging her to talk to
yiu but also to be sensible.

You know her