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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What should I do?

7 replies

Zaina26 · 30/12/2022 16:13

I don't really know where to start with this,
Basically I dated someone 12 years ago, we was young and eventually we went separate ways and I got married, he got married too.
Somehow we came back into contact with each other about 5 months ago, he managed to find me on Facebook and we started talking again, he told me he was married and his wife is pregnant, I have 2 children with my now ex husband.
From the start he said he wish he never married her and he wants us to get back together, that he would " accept" me with my kids and forget about things that happened in the past. Mine and my husbands marriage wasn't the best and he had been abusive to me over the last few years
I've always had feelings for him as he was my first love and I've never really forgot about him, I started falling for him again, he told me to leave my husband and be with him and after his baby was born he would leave his wife bevause he didn't want to stress her out during the pregnancy and something happen to the baby, I accepted it.
I left my husband and things weren't Ok, alot of trouble caused between my husband and his family I have been struggling for months since then, me and him have been arguing alot bevause I've been stressed, his baby was born last month, I asked him what was going to happen now if we was going to be together and if he would tell his wife and he said now isn't the right time.
Since yesterday we've been in a massive arugement, now today he has turned round and said to me things have changed now his baby's born, he doesn't want to loose his family and that he doesn't need me or want to be with me anymore. I've been crying all day because I have been asking him for months on end if he was sure this is what he wanted, to be with me and make a life with me and he kept saying it was.
We've been talking on the phone all day and alls he keeps saying is we can't be together and I need to accept it.
I just don't understand what I've done wrong, it's not like I didn't keep asking him before I left my husband if this wasn't what he wanted,i did over and over. I don't know what to do now, I'm so upset thinking about the good times over the last few months,
I feel so upset because I did everything he wanted, I left my husband and broke up my family, only for him to leave me like this now with everything broken.
I don't know what to do now because I can't stop messaging him, I don't want it to end like this.
What should I do?

OP posts:
mumof3now2 · 30/12/2022 16:15

He led you on, never had any intention of leaving you
You are better off, as far away from this man as possible
The only good thing? You left your abusive husband.
Be on your own for a while, concentrate on you

Hugs

dontputitthere · 30/12/2022 16:17

He's played you.

He's an utter shit. He never had any intention of leaving his wife and family

What do you want? He's a cunt.

Walk away. Why would you want to be with him after what he's done to you

Merryoldgoat · 30/12/2022 16:18

Time for the harsh truth OP - you were utterly idiotic to place any store in a man who looked for a ex and made promises to leave his pregnant wife.

How could you even think this was a reasonable course of action?

Block him, start to rebuild your life.

You say you husband was abusive? Great - you’re not with him now.

It’s time to sort your head out so you stop making one bad choice after another.

EbbandTheWanderingHearts · 30/12/2022 16:18

mumof3now2 · 30/12/2022 16:15

He led you on, never had any intention of leaving you
You are better off, as far away from this man as possible
The only good thing? You left your abusive husband.
Be on your own for a while, concentrate on you

Hugs

^ This. You are worth more.

PBandBanana · 30/12/2022 16:20

100% ^this

DifferentYearSameShit · 30/12/2022 16:22

All this stuff about first love being the best as you've found out isn't always true. Ask yourself if you were the pregnant one and your partner was online telling a woman he didn't want to be with you how would you feel? Why'd you want to be with a man who can do this anyway? It's over move on and learn the hard life lesson

KettrickenSmiled · 30/12/2022 16:26

I feel so upset because I did everything he wanted, I left my husband and broke up my family, only for him to leave me like this now with everything broken.
I don't know what to do now because I can't stop messaging him, I don't want it to end like this.
What should I do?

What you need to do is reframe this whole experience, & realise that while it's been painful & disconcerting - it's for the best.

You are now free of an abusive husband AND a toxic boyfriend.
Your 'friend' & ex-b/f cheated on his pregnant wife. With you. It's likely he was stringing both of you along - lying to both of you, with no intention of ever upsetting his cushy home life. He's had what he wanted - drama, extra-marital sex, the thrill of power in making you leave your H.

Block him now. He needs to be nothing to you. He is a shit, & you haven't even begun to start healing from your abusive marriage. Please do The Freedom Programme, access therapy, read up on dysfunctional relationships & dysfunctional men, & STAY SINGLE for a least a year. Make 2023 the year that you invest fully in yourself, & do not date until you have benefitted from therapy, education, & all the support you can access.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

outofthefog.website/toolbox-intro

www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208

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