I know I’m being ungrateful but I’m finding it hard not to be upset and I’m stewing over it.
For personal reasons, it was really important to me to have an amazing Christmas this year and I’d planned a whole range of things I wanted to do (typical Christmassy things). Then, through no fault of ours, we ended up in temporary accommodation while our house had to undergo urgent renovations and we’re all living in one room (two adults, two DCs and two dogs) with all our possessions in storage.
My DSis said that she wanted to host Christmas and, whilst I love and adore her, organisation is not her strength so I was a bit 🤔but DPs were going too so we thought we’d just ensure we all chipped in and chivvied along and it’d be great. She’s never hosted before. But, a few days before Christmas, DSis was being pushed to actually commit to some kind of plan on literally anything and she said that nothing was planned, prepared or sorted and she didn’t feel up to hosting. Not completely unexpected. So we went to DPs. On top of that, with Royal Mail and everything else, almost no one’s Christmas presents arrived and our Christmas cards haven’t even arrived from the printers yet, let alone actually been sent to family/friends. So, I was feeling pretty flat about Christmas before DH was anything less than entirely perfect so I know I’m being unfair on him.
Despite this, we’re pretty happy to go with the flow so I thought Christmas would still be fine. But, and I know that I’m being ungrateful, I’m really upset by the lack of effort from DH.
I got him an advent calendar, he didn’t get me one. I got him a stocking, he didn’t get me one. At the start of December, I passed a shop window and pointed out something I’d really like for Christmas - he took a photo of it, easily within budget. But, he never went and got it (it was available online, in fact it went on sale - and when we were doing Christmas shopping in person in town, we walked past the shop multiple times). Instead, he booked a holiday and bought me a book - sounds wonderful, right? Well, he’s booked a campsite for two nights in England that I’ll now have to book off work. I haven’t been camping since I did D of E at school - and the book was about fungus. Regardless, I have no issues with camping and it’s the thought that counts… which is the problem.
When I opened the present (the envelope with a printout of the booking email), he said he’s been “planning it for ages”. But the booking was made on Christmas Eve at 9.18pm. Every question I’ve had, he doesn’t know the answer to - what’s nearby, what facilities are there, why he chose that location etc. It was clearly a last minute thought but there doesn’t seem to be much thought at all. I’m not upset by the gift, I’m so hurt that he lied (completely unprompted) to say that he’d spent ages planning it when he clearly hadn’t at all - and then he lied saying that the date on the printout was when he printed it and not when he booked it (as I don’t know how emails work). More than the gift, I’m hurt by his attitude. He hasn’t wanted to partake in any of the Christmassy things I’ve really wanted to do. I went on a train ride with DS but DH didn’t want to come. He started a massive row about absolutely nothing when we were decorating the tree. We haven’t baked any cookies or mince pies or anything. Now, we’re due to see my DSis for New Year because we couldn’t see her over Christmas but DH clearly didn’t want to drive (I can’t drive at the moment for medical reasons) but wouldn’t accept it and kept making other excuses. He’s finally accepted that he just doesn’t want to drive so it means I can’t go and see DSis or DN.
I just feel really flat in loads of ways. I’m upset that he knew this Christmas was really important to me but hasn’t appeared to make any effort. I’m upset that he’s avoided or ignored or sabotaged all the nice things I’d wanted to do. And I’m upset that he keeps on lying about things when the lies don’t even matter at all - they’re so petty.
I know I’m being unreasonable and ungrateful. I’m just a bit sad.