Do we work to buy stuff?

[Charlize43]

Too much stuff but the problem is me! I've always had a huge shopping problem and find I can't leave the house without bringing something back.

I find it really hard to get rid of anything as I always think (a) I've already paid for it (b) I might want it one day. To give an example, I probably have enough bed linen sets to last until the end of my lifetime. Some are still in packaging.

If I see something in a shop, resist buying it at the time, I tend to find I dwell on it until I sometimes go out several days later to buy it.

I'd really like to be more minimalist and to declutter. It seems an attractive idea and would simplify life but I feel that by nature I am horribly acquisitive.

I'm also very good at storage, folding things and packing stuff to maximise space. By tidying, I always seem to create more room for even more stuff.

Psychologically, I have terrible thoughts that 'we work to buy stuff, otherwise what's the point of working?' Am I being unreasonable to think this?

I'd love for someone to change my mindset and would love to hear from people who have successfully decluttered and the advantages of it.

We work for money which gives us options in life.
One of those options is to buy stuff we don't need.
Possibly better options are experiences, holidays, saving for ill health or old age, things we will really love and use.

Why not have a no-buy month? Followed by a sell only month?

I work for my and my children’s security, not to buy duvet covers.

Im sorry that sounds sanctimonious and I really don’t mean it to, just trying to give you another aim!

Are you savings/ pension/ housing / children’s future finances and education all covered? If so (and assuming you don’t want to cut down your hours instead), crack on!

I think the starting point is to think about space and freedom.
How lovely it feels to be in a clean and airy room with corners you can see and space to breathe.
How lovely it is to use and have only your favourite things and lose the pressure of having so much stuff to rotate.
How lovely it is to find things easily.
How lovely it is to be able to clean things quickly and look after them easily.

It's a great feeling to have the security of savings rather than spending all your earnings on stuff.
If you can save and spend on your income, you could invest in experiences, health, charity etc, or work less.

It's about discovering what your missing when you're on the endless merry-go-round of the work-consume cycle.

I’m the opposite to you, money is all about security.

I am older now and DH and I will be able to retire early, plus what do you do as a hobby? I have met too many people who go round town often because it’s something to do.

This probably has its roots in your childhood; residual feelings of scarcity, or somehow associating the acquisition of ‘stuff’ with emotional security.

(I say this because I went through something like this, and I grew up with emotionally absent parents. So as a child I over-attached meaning to things rather than people; I could rely on a CD, or a pair of jeans, or a cream bun in a way I never could rely on my mother.)

It’s not easy and could be quite complex to unpack.

Thank you. I love this response.

I would rather spend on holidays & experiences.

I will think about this. I do recognise that I have a problem.

Could you create a different financial goal to focus on? A holiday? Paying off the mortgage sooner? Focus on that instead?

Being in a capitalist society you are doing what is expected of you. Work to get wages , spend wages to put that money back in the economy and therefore need to keep working to keep paying out. Hamster Continuously running on a never ending wheel until you die. If you are lucky enough to save for a rainy day, the rainy day cometh when you need care and all that money you saved for something special quickly gets sucked back into the system.

Start selling your unopened duvet covers on FB marketplace and see the cash coming in. That's almost addictive to hoarding it in your home.

We are bombarded to buy and consume but my main purpose of working is simply basics as I don't have enough left over to buy without serious consideration on if it is necessary.

My brother and sil decided this was the case and quit their well paid jobs for minimum wage jobs and stopped buying stuff. They’re both very unmaterialistic and decided if they could lay their small mortgage and bills and food on their wages with a bit in reserve to put aside for car repairs, etc then they didn’t need more. I think they’re both a lot happier.

im certainly a lot less consumer oriented since lock down. I realised I didn’t need a new dress every month, etc.

We work to pay the mortgage and bills.

I wish we could afford to shop for crap on top of that. Not that I would actually, as I don’t see the point in buying/having stuff for the sale of it. But I’ve always been broke so that’s probably where that comes from, I’ve never once in my 43 years been shopping with money to blow on anything I like.

This is me too. I want to go places and see/ do things.

I do still have too much stuff though, but I wouldn’t say it consumes a vast amount of my income - I’m just not good at getting rid of things!

I work to live so bills, all the boring my stuff is paid. Then the house decor/repairs and holidays/experiences. Neither myself and my partner need loads of ‘stuff’ I’d rather save my money or use it on living life and experiencing different things while I can! I’m not on a huge wage ( 24k) so I don’t have loads of spare money anyway and never have had really.

It’s easy to not buy things you don’t need, I don’t go in shops that often these days and buy second hand mostly on Vinted for clothes now. ( I give myself £50 a month for clothes) I also put my savings away on payday so less money to spend!!

Just to give some background: No children (lesbian with live in gf), I've always saved so have some financial security in place; I'm 55 and mortgage free - in a smallish home with garden but have never aspired to have a larger home as I would just keep filling it - besides I don't need more room).

I've always spent a proportion of my salary but have been careful to never been in debt. I don't own a credit card. I'm a bargain shopper. I've always loved a 'find'.

I do have hobbies. I sometimes have bought second hand expensive designer dresses and altered them to fit me, but I have too many clothes. I read and watch movies but the problem is I buy too many books and DVDs from charity shops.

The problem for me is the shopping. I can't seem to leave the house without buying something.

Thank you. This is what I've also felt.

I need to get a selling bug and find pleasure in that. Useful suggestion.

It's because shopping gives you a happy rush. You particularly get a buzz if you get a bargain.
Observe how quickly that rush wears off.
You become flat again quickly then you're ready for your next fix.
I totally get this and it's something that I still struggle with.
I try to replace shopping with something else in the first instance. Going and having a drink in a lovely little tea room. Getting a facial. Meeting a friend.

First try to declutter an area of stuff you have no particular attachment to. Say its home decor items. Feel how nice it is to have clearer surfaces. Train yourself to see things in this category in your shops, and love them, but just to appreciate looking at them and not need to bring them home.

If clothes are a problem area, I would start by sorting out what you have ruthlessly. Get rid of stuff that does you no favours, the fit or colour is wrong, needs a big alteration you haven't got round to, etc. Even if you got a bargain or paid good money, the mistake is made and the cash is gone.
Take a section of clothes, for example, dresses.
Only keep what you love. Repeat.
See how it feels when you're done.
Next time you do shop ( and you will, as you're human) think why your mistakes were mistakes and set rules accordingly.
I have rules of no horizontal stripes, high necks, pink, purple and so on.

This will take an element of willpower, but you're not saying you can never buy again!

In my head we work to have choices and to be able to do things. I don't buy stuff very much, but do splash out on a meal with friends, weekend breaks, hobbies etc. I also like saving, knowing that having a bit tucked away gives me choices for the future.