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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH

19 replies

cluedo41 · 29/12/2022 21:30

Who arranged a boys night out with his oldest friends tonight, I've just spoken to him and it transpires that one of the other wives is there and also one of the guys sisters and her friend.

So it's not a boys thing yet I didn't get an invite.

I'm at home with kids but still - could have called on a family member for a couple of hours to join them all - they are my friends too and I know the women there and get on well.

DH sounded awkward and said he only realised about 4pm they were joining for dinner - and I thought well why didn't you tell me then and I could have perhaps joined for dinner too!?

He said he just didn't think it would be an issue, didn't occur to him to let me know and invite me.

AIBU? Just feel a bit left out now! The other wives who aren't there one is out of the country and the other has a newborn baby, but I could have easily joined had I been made aware.

OP posts:
Marypuppuns · 29/12/2022 21:40

Couldn’t think of anything worse than get crashing by dhs night out with friends

heidihigh · 29/12/2022 21:42

It's difficult to say I suppose. On one hand, he surely is allowed to do things separately to you, but to be honest I think I'd be a bit annoyed too. Even if he didn't know til later on that they were joining, he could have dropped you a quick message to see if you could join or at least let you know what was happening to give you the chance to say you'd go and meet them.

Paq · 29/12/2022 21:49

YANBU. He should have been open with your and you could make your own mind up.

steff13 · 29/12/2022 21:51

What if he wanted to do something without you? Is that not ok?

mamas12 · 29/12/2022 21:56

Why don’t you do shifts
ring him now and say it’s your turn now

SallyWD · 29/12/2022 22:19

He probably wants to let his hair down. Fair enough. I often enjoy nights out without DH. Having him there changes the dynamic (much as I love him).

Goodvibes84 · 29/12/2022 22:37

SallyWD · 29/12/2022 22:19

He probably wants to let his hair down. Fair enough. I often enjoy nights out without DH. Having him there changes the dynamic (much as I love him).

I would agree with this if there were no other wives there. I think that had already changed the dynamic away from “boys night”, so I think he was being unreasonable. I’d be a bit annoyed too.

Brightstar84 · 29/12/2022 22:38

Let him have his night out. Then you go out with the girls one night soon!

Overandunderit · 29/12/2022 22:39

Do you get your 'own' nights out ?

If you don't - I'd start having some.

Coffeellama · 29/12/2022 22:39

He’s allowed to enjoy time out with purpose that aren’t you. If he only discovered it at 4pm aswell then he probably couldn’t be bothered with the hassle of you desperately trying to find a babysitter and being disappointed if you couldn’t get on etc. Just arrange a night out with your friends soon and enjoy it.

Nuttynuttyjob · 29/12/2022 22:43

I would feel the same.my ex used to do this to me (drawing no comparison to your relationship) it’s a bit shite knowing you’ve been left out of the mix. I get the whole changing the dynamic thing but that can still hurt a bit. Seems a bit thoughtless IMO.

Ivyonafence · 30/12/2022 02:26

That's rude.

How far away is it? Why don't you go for the start of the night and then swap with him and he can kick on?

& I'd be organising my own night out soon.

UnWilly · 30/12/2022 02:45

I think it depends on whether or how the other women there have an independent or longstanding connection to the group other

UnWilly · 30/12/2022 02:47

And whether you also have that connection. So do you/they have a link to that group in your own right. (posted too soon)

Newmumatlast · 30/12/2022 03:10

Yabu provided you have your own nights out too- and if not, start. My husband has been on nights out like this before and to be frank the partners who randomly turned up just tagged along uninvited. Some people can't be without their partners which is odd. I wouldn't have expected my husband to message me and ask if I wanted to also be a tag along.

Judgyjudgy · 30/12/2022 03:23

I'd probably be a bit miffed, but sounds like he only found out and it wasn't anything personal. Enjoy the time away from him and hopefully a nice evening to yourself Wine

Pothoswithasparkle · 30/12/2022 05:22

Oh it's terrible when you plan guys/women's night out and suddenly one of the spouses or someone else feom other group is joining in.

Totally changes dynamic. My friends husband ended up going with us until we just stopped inviting her... "Oh but he has no other plans so we thought it will be fine" (similar with the sister and friend). If the whole group wanted more peoppe including spouses, it would be planned like that.

I have a feeling similar might have happened considering how late in your DH found out.

Ivyonafence · 30/12/2022 07:28

Pothoswithasparkle · 30/12/2022 05:22

Oh it's terrible when you plan guys/women's night out and suddenly one of the spouses or someone else feom other group is joining in.

Totally changes dynamic. My friends husband ended up going with us until we just stopped inviting her... "Oh but he has no other plans so we thought it will be fine" (similar with the sister and friend). If the whole group wanted more peoppe including spouses, it would be planned like that.

I have a feeling similar might have happened considering how late in your DH found out.

Oh I hate this. Someone in our group kept doing this. The group met because we're all in the same line of work eg Taxidermy. Always brought along her DH in a different line of work who would sit at the head of the table and declare 'alright, no taxidermy talk! Go!'

drove us fucking nuts. We met in Taxidermy school and that's what we primarily have in common.

Eventually we told her to leave him at home or can it on policing the taxidermy chat.

SummerWhisper · 30/12/2022 08:16

If a sister's friend is invited, who is surely a stranger to the friendship group, then he is out of order to not even consider asking you to join them. The 'boys' dynamic had already changed. Sounds like he wanted a bachelor's night out.

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