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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there should be a board just for MIL issues.

42 replies

lipstickwoman · 29/12/2022 21:16

I say issues when really I mean hatred. Not sure if it's the time of year but there seems to be soooo many threads about MILs.

Its so depressing when some of us try to be good MILs.

OP posts:
AnnaBanana8 · 29/12/2022 21:35

There are some truly wonderful MILs out there and some not so nice DILs. It's all relative.
My MIL has always been very loving towards me. I've always welcomed her with open arms and she the same to me. We've never had an argument in the 15 years of knowing each other.
It's very drama free and nice. It's not a perfect fairytale but I accept things about her that arent perfect. Shes not one for being hands on with kids and cleaning up and that grates on my DH more, but I look past those things because I really appreciate that shes not interfering or controlling.
i think its also about how both people decide to interact and relate and accept each other for who they are x

Original poster
lipstickwoman · 29/12/2022 21:38

@AnnaBanana8 I completely agree, but MN is full of thread hating their MILs. Just earlier someone posted they hoped theirs would die.
They need a board to themselves

OP posts:
Iam4eels · 29/12/2022 21:38

People with nice MILs aren't likely to post seeking advice/wanting to vent, those with not-so-nice MILs are more likely to do so. It's also the time of year when families are thrown together and things can get tense.

I haven't spoken to my MIL in ten years, it's been bliss.

Pallisers · 29/12/2022 21:41

But people who have lovely relationships with their MILs don't post about them - why would we? It isn't depressing it is just people's individual experience. Just because I adore my MIL, doesn't mean everyone will adore theirs.

LolaSmiles · 29/12/2022 21:42

People with nice MIL and happy relationships won't be posting, just like people with happy romantic relationships are unlikely to be posting threads on Relationships about their husband pulling his weight in the house.

There's some genuinely nightmare MILs out there but there's also some drama llama DILs out there. Both seem to thrive on conflict and competition, meanwhile the reasonable MIL/DILs are left wondering what on earth is going on.

Blissmiss · 29/12/2022 21:43

@lipstickwoman I am sure you are lovely. I think some people just look for trouble and get insulted by everything. They hate their MILs but will also make awful MILs as they are over sensitive and can’t be pleased

AnnaBanana8 · 29/12/2022 21:43

lipstickwoman · 29/12/2022 21:38

@AnnaBanana8 I completely agree, but MN is full of thread hating their MILs. Just earlier someone posted they hoped theirs would die.
They need a board to themselves

Yes I know, I've bee shocked at some things I've seen too. And people are also having lots of arguments and debates. I think the ones who are happy wouldn't partake in MIL bashing, as this is the first thread I've posted on. You can't put all the blame on MILs. Maybe some DILs are just as difficult in some instances?

MILs do sometimes get a bad rep. My MIL has had other DILs from her other sons that weren't very nice to her apparently and thought my MIL was awful. She didn't get on with them much. But I see a lot of good in my MIL even though she's not perfect- I'm not perfect either. And we have a mutual respect. After all, without her I would have never have met her son 😊

Cocolapew · 29/12/2022 21:49

Some people have horrible mils, they are probably horrible people regardless of being mil. Why is this so hard for some people to believe? Just because you're nice and a mil doesn't automatically mean all mil are nice
Mines an absolute cunt.

Original poster
lipstickwoman · 29/12/2022 21:51

Cocolapew · 29/12/2022 21:49

Some people have horrible mils, they are probably horrible people regardless of being mil. Why is this so hard for some people to believe? Just because you're nice and a mil doesn't automatically mean all mil are nice
Mines an absolute cunt.

Just as some people have horrible DILs who are absolute bitches.

OP posts:
Laneyly · 29/12/2022 21:55

I wish I had a nice mil, my husband has been through so much trauma and emotional neglect, and is currently working through his cptsd with his psychiatrist. We haven't spoken to her in 3 years and I don't think he will ever fully heal from how she manipulated him, if we ever spoke to her again there would be some serious boundaries in place

Iam4eels · 29/12/2022 21:58

Laneyly · 29/12/2022 21:55

I wish I had a nice mil, my husband has been through so much trauma and emotional neglect, and is currently working through his cptsd with his psychiatrist. We haven't spoken to her in 3 years and I don't think he will ever fully heal from how she manipulated him, if we ever spoke to her again there would be some serious boundaries in place

Similar to my DH who is also in therapy to deal with the effects of being raised by the woman who gave birth to him. He's a nice person despite her influence, not because of it, and we eventually went NC with her when she started trying the same emotionally abusive bullshit with me and our DC that she raised DH with.

lookingformyleopard · 29/12/2022 21:58

Of course it's the time of year for it, it's Christmas. We've all had to spend time with them! I'm pleased you've never had any problems with mother in laws, plenty of people do though.
It's not just the way they treat dils, it's that they've brought their sons up to completely prioritise their mum's feelings over everyone else's, that's the biggest part of the problem. If my dh was physically capable of disagreeing with his mum we wouldn't have the problems we do, but she's absolutely conditioned him to not dare do that. She has many good points, but she's also manipulative and rude. Why does it upset you so much if I complain about that?

Original poster
lipstickwoman · 29/12/2022 22:04

I see this thread has descended in to MIL bashing when I intended it to be a discussion about a board for in law issues.

OP posts:
AnnaBanana8 · 29/12/2022 22:11

lipstickwoman · 29/12/2022 22:04

I see this thread has descended in to MIL bashing when I intended it to be a discussion about a board for in law issues.

As long as you feel you are doing your best, then dont worry too much about other people's experiences. I've had a good experience and was lucky and some have had bad experiences. But that doesn't reflect on you

TheHateIsNotGood · 29/12/2022 22:12

But that would take a lot of the fun out of so many AIBU threads OP; the one's where they state "a relative" or "DGP" in their posts rather than immediately describe an IL thread.

Eventually the OP cops to the reality that they're just complaining about their MIL/PIL really who, somewhat unsurprisingly, happen to live their lives a bit differently from how the OP's DPs do.

WandaWonder · 29/12/2022 22:25

I think some people marry just so they can have this battle thing, but it can work the other way with dil though or fil and sonIL but i don't seem to notice those as much

Also if people post positive stories they are seen as bragging

Some people on here seem to have a lot of issues about others

MintJulia · 29/12/2022 22:29

Most people just need to vent, whether that's about their ex or their mil or their moody teenage ds. It's all control or manipulation, conflict or bullying of some kind. Just the acronym changes.

You'd need a moody teens board, and an irresponsible sibling board too

JubileeTrifle · 29/12/2022 22:34

It’s a place to vent when you can’t vent to DH in particular.
you’re probably a lovely MIL. Mine had some kind of personality disorder which I can see more clearly now manifesting itself in my BIL. When you’ve been trapped in a small space with someone you don’t like but have to be nice to for days at an end it can drive you a bit mad I think.

JudgeJ · 29/12/2022 22:50

lipstickwoman · 29/12/2022 21:16

I say issues when really I mean hatred. Not sure if it's the time of year but there seems to be soooo many threads about MILs.

Its so depressing when some of us try to be good MILs.

We only get one side of every story, that of the angelic DIL, I'd love to hear the other side!

Pearls1234 · 29/12/2022 23:02

/r/JustNoMIL on Reddit!

echt · 29/12/2022 23:10

At least they all say MIL in the title so you don't have to click on it if the hatred bothers you.

I'd rather AIBU and Chat were not the Relationships board that they have become lately, and by that I mean 12-18 months.

Coucous · 29/12/2022 23:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

WontEatMyFood · 29/12/2022 23:53

I have a really lovely MIL and have no reason to create a thread about her.

It's definitely a case of self selection bias with the hateful MIL threads.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 29/12/2022 23:59

Op I can't understand your lack of empathy?

Should there be a separate board for dh issue's also because you have a good DH?
What about issue's with DC because you have good DC?

Where does it stop?

Mil issues are absolutely massively clearly and many of us have suffered greatly at the hands of our mils. One of the best things about MN is the support we experienced people give each other on this issue.
No I don't think it should be Hidden away but you can be empathetic....and move on?

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 30/12/2022 00:02

I can't understand why a self declared good mil with no Dil issues would bother to get worked up about this?