Feel like my relationship is fading away

[chipswitheveryting]

So I've been with my partner for 2 years, he's great and lovely but very stressed with divorce and keeping his business afloat.

I am stressed a lot with a high powered job and trying to be a mum, which I struggle with alone.

My house needs decorating, I'm a rubbish cook, not very organised, and struggling with a challenging teenager, although my nine yr old boy is well behaved and lovely.

I find life hard, I feel overstretched all of the time.

I have a big mortgage to pay on my own, bills have all gone up.

I want my partner to live with me in the next year or two but he's very non committal.

I feel like he comes over for a couple of nights A week when my kids are with their dad, we often have a lovely time, have a drink, laugh, go out, sex etc. but I feel like he'll take the good times but not the bad, if you know what I mean. He won't help with decorating or bills or jobs here but he'll have fun and sex 2 or 3 nights a week.

I enjoy our time together but I want a proper relationship.

I booked for us to go away for new year, 2 nights just us, paid nearly £300. And he's cancelled, saying he's stressed with the divorce. The ex did send emails with extra finance demands. I can't get my money back.

I said I'd catch up with him next week. (Text through gritted teeth).

He said it sounded like I was pushing him away.

I said I needed a bit of space to calm down as I'd really been looking forward to going away. It's been a tough year and I wanted us to be together and have some fun times. I also said I feel like all I ever get is crumbs and that feels like that's all I'll ever get.

He's kicked off saying 'get over yourself, you care more about a night away than my well being. How dare you. Let's have A couple of weeks away from each other. Piss off'

So obviously his wording at the end was harsh, I can get over that.

But I'm thinking about ending it for good so
Would I be reasonable or unreasonable to end it?

When we're good, we're great. But honestly, it feels like he takes the good and leaves the bad ....

It doesn’t sound great it sounds shit

Cut your losses and find someone who’s on the same page and cares about you

I would end it. I wouldn't let someone talk to me like that. How disgusting. He's flaked out of a trip you paid for and is turning it back on you?

OP, you can do better.

Just block him

You're not good enough for help with jobs
You're not good enough for moving in
You're not good enough for a weekend away

Do not be good enough in a few weeks when he's over his tantrum.

You're on different pages about the relationship and that's fine but find better.

Er.....don't get over that. I'd be tempted to tell him to fuck off. Using you for the good times. Boo hoo he's getting a divorce. Perhaps he should keep it in his pants until it's finalised. Sorry. Bit much. But this man is annoying

He sounds utterly vile. How dare he speak to you like that? Presumably he'll try trotting back once he's stopped stropping. I'd make myself unavailable to him.

Its a rubbish excuse to cancel. He doesn't care about the money you've spent or how you feel. It doesn't sound like there is a future in this relationship. Cut your losses

Nope get rid. He doesn't sound like a partner but he does sound like a knobhead.

Can you take a friend on the trip instead?

That's shit OP.

IME don't go near a man until min. 2 years after his divorce.

I have been used for "practice" by newly-divored men but didn't recognise it as such at the time.

As nancydroo says, if it’s too much for him to deal with a divorce and a weekend away maybe he should stay single and focus on his divorce.

Go away anyway and dump on your return.

Personally I would block him.

He sounds horrible.

You can see why he's going through a divorce, l bet his ex is glad to be shot of him.

That's so rude of him to cancel after you've paid for the trip! To be honest it sounds like he's using you for sex/fun and has no intention of ever committing further. Also sounds like he doesn't care about you in the slightest from the way he spoke to you. He's definitely checked out.
It would be bye bye from me

He sounds awful. Just block him after that. I wouldn't let anyone talk to me like that.

He sounds like my ex. I'd chuck him. Go yourself or take a friend, don't let him ruin your well earned break!

Damnit, it sounds very resounding. A firm goodbye is probably what's needed. Sometimes I just wonder if others just put up with this sort of crap to stay in a relationship because the alternative is tough.

@chipswitheveryting I'm late to the thread but this showed up as a recommendation for me. Did you end things? To answer your question, I have put up with it because of exactly what you said, when it's good it's amazing, when it's bad it's horrid. My partner that I'm at a crossroads with has also said those vile things to me - fuck off, you're a pain in my ass, get away from me, etc when we simply disagreed on things. It was never handled civilly like adults. When I broke up with him, he was sorry and promised to change, I gave him another chance and he did stop saying those things. But I think the damage stays with you, I feel PTSD at times, and you find other areas to resent him

Not a nice message from him!

I dont think your partner can provide the relationship your looking for, I think the current set up suits him and I doubt he want to change.

Time to cut your losses and find an equal partner not a rude part timer .

I hope you ltb

I hope you blocked him. How are you now?

My partner and I have been together for 3.5 years. We only see each other at weekend when kids are with other parents. For us it works. It's simpler to not have to think about helping with DIY kids etc. it's just about us. I can't think about merging two households whilst working full time, parenting & studying.

I think in your situation you both have too much going on, him more so. He is right that it's all too stressful. I understand that he needs to close one chapter before starting another. He needs your relationship to be relatively easy whilst navigating the divorce. And you haven't been together all that long really.

BUTTTT it sounds like you want different things. Your end goal is not aligned.

And ultimately you should not want to move in with someone that tells you to piss off!!! I think you've reached the end of the road.

Just realised this is an old thread 🤦🏼‍♀️

I would be counting my lucky stars that you’re not in a more serious relationship! If he speaks to you that way now just imagine what it would be like living together. I would definitely finish this immediately.

Get rid.. you say being alone will be tougher but he’s giving you nothing!!! He’s a dead weight. You’re likely feeling miserable because he’s being a shit ‘partner’ and not adding anything to your life. Let’s face it if you want sex twice a week you could get it and without the rude texts!!! Bin him off and spend some time getting your mojo back. Good luck to you. You sound like a great mum to me.. it’s hard to do it alone and you’re managing it and managing it well xxxx

Oh what an awful thing to say. Thankfully it’s utter rubbish. Luckily having kids already , repels awful/ toxic men with an attitude like this. You are more likely to land a lovely one.

OP hope you ended it and are doing ok!