What to do about DM

[HIC2020]

I had a family party today, mostly my family but also some of DH family. My DM and I have a challenging relationship and I was worried about her behaviour before she even arrived.

DM likes a glass of wine and when she arrived she had clearly had a few glasses before coming to our house. Everything was fine until DH family arrived and then she became overbearing and embarrassing. She insultd dh dad and then sat in the dining room being miserable. DH mentioned that she had been helping herself to the wine in the fridge and other family members commented on her drinking.

DM always gets very drunk at family gatherings. DH and I offered her plenty of soft drinks and tried to encourage her to slow down.

DH has said I shouldn't expect anything other than drunk insulting behaviour because it always happens. I'm now thinking about having dry parties when DM is here or just not inviting her. The latter would cause so many issues.

I don't know what to do and would appreciate friendly advice.

First I hope you don't feel embarrassed, she's your DM, there's only so much you can say, she will drink before/during gatherings if she wants to. It's not your fault.
However, if it makes your parties difficult and all about her rude behaviour, tell her how it feels for you and DH and explain that it's not acceptable and you won't be able to invite her again if this is happening again?

Op her behaviour is having a negative effect on you.

She's a grown adult.

I would invite her but tell her she's not to have more than one and if she ever gets pissed in the company of others and embarrasses herself again she won't be invited again.

Her drinking isn't your responsibility and nor should other invited guests have to have a dry party because one grown adult can't behave their selves

She's obviously got a drink issue.

Anxiety about being amongst people and feeling nervous, perhaps, about being with your husband's family probably makes it worse and she needs Dutch courage before she arrives. She clearly knows she is being judged and you all know she's going to hit the wine.

Self fulfilling prophecy.

Not your fault. Embarrassing and stressful. You have the right to arrange your own environment to be one that doesn't cause you upset and embarrassment, and that clearly means not inviting her. Tell her that. It may be the catalyst she needs.

Dry parties sounds good I theory, however I bet as soon as she cottons on after 1 or 2 that there will be no alcohol provided she will start bringing her own. Is it possible to have a conversation with her about her actions when she's had too many. If not I completely get it. Your in a no win situation.

She’s got a drink problem - I do too but am sober since June - a dry party won’t work - she’ll just load up before she gets there and probably also sneak it in - that’s what I did. I’d tell her the truth and not invite her. I she’s willing to stay sober then she’s more than welcome. Good luck.