This is a weird dynamic! I smoked weed for over 10 years especially medicinally and my dp would have her group of boys that would come to socially smoke. Firstly we called all the shots as they needed somewhere to be, secondly if they were rude or I felt disrespected in any way they would be pulled up on it immediately, if they chose to not change then that would be the last we had them here. Thirdly we stopped smoking a while ago now so when they would call up to see if they could come down, I know they smoke and so it would be something they expect to have the freedom to do, I would have to decide if I wanted them to even visit knowing that big detail. Now that I’m pregnant I am less likely to allow ANYONE to smoke here regardless of the situation. If they wanted to come and visit now I would make it explicitly clear it’s a no smoking zone so unless they are stepping outside to smoke, this isn’t the place for them.
Now I’m not someone that has friends, and since this is my house my dp’s friends have to respect that everything is passed through me. My partner will ask if so and so can visit and I will say yes or no, if no she would ask to meet them elsewhere.
we have never had “Thugs” around us the whole time or “gangs”. Yes we would smoke in a group but was never classified as either of those. I’m not sure if they actually ARE “gangs” and “thugs” or if that is just your perception of them however if you don’t want them smoking in your house and around your DC then make it known. Tell your partner you are not happy to have the smoke around your kids, in your house or whatever the case may be however if your partner chooses to meet them elsewhere as that was his time to socialise with them, then you cannot stop that.
If they are willing to compromise and will go outside and keep it away from your kids and house I don’t see the issue. If your making your concerns known and your partner is ignoring you then that’s another story, it’s his friends and down to him to sort out, if he refuses to hear you out then there is clearly a lack of respect there. At the same time it seems you knew your partner smoked weed before you both got serious or it was known early in the relationship so I don’t understand why you continued in the relationship if you knew you couldn’t work with that? At this stage I think you need to compromise, there is no point constantly arguing over it but you cannot stop your partner being friends with anyone. Ask him to take it out the house or even he goes to their house or something but you cannot change him knowing he has always been like that.
I always grew up with Weed around me as it was more cultural than anything so most in my family would smoke. It wasn’t hidden away from us as kids but knew there were rules and boundaries that needed to be met and respected. It didn’t effect us and how we grew up as adults and I didn’t even start smoking until I was 18 and was because I was sick otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered.
This is something that will need to be sorted or it will break your relationship which is unnecessary especially if this is his only fault. Speak with him without an argument, come to some form of compromise and if all else fails consider breaking up since you know how you want your kids raised and what they are exposed to.