Inheritance decision

RumItOver · 2022-12-29T14:33:32+00:00

We could do with unbiased opinions as to what to do as we need to update wills. Please don't make this a StepMum bashing thread. I am not emotionally able to handle that right now. DFIL died 2 years ago and his property etc went to his DW. My DF died 6 years ago leaving nothing I am in my late 30's DH in 50's. 2x DSS (DH bio kids, I have been SMum for 12 years and I love them deeply, we have them 50/50) both teens 2x DS 4yo & 2yo DSS set to inherit from their mum, their mums mum and dad (separate houses) and my DH mum (or at least it will go to DH) DS will inherit from DH mum (or at least it will go to DH) Everybody owns property I recently inherited (or will do once the house sells) min £150,000 (I will invest this in our mortgage and other investments). My darling mum lost her battle with cancer very suddenly about 6 months ago. Should my inheritance go to all 4 kids when my DH & I die or should it just go to the little kids because the big kids will inherit £100,000 - £200,000 from their mums family? I don't want to leave any ill will amongst the kids or treat them differently but I do want them to have the same opportunities in life as each other..... WWYD?

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 29/12/2022 14:38

I think just look at what you and DH will do. You can’t rely on others.

I would split your assets between you and DH. (Own your house as tenants in common, identify your own savings / pension etc).

DH leaves his half between his bio children. You leave your half direct to your bio children.

You and DH can leave each other an interest in staying in the house until the survivor dies, sells, cohabits or remarries.

ZekeZeke · 29/12/2022 14:45

You have no idea what the future holds, inheritance isn't a given. Circumstances change. Money can be needed for nursing home care.

Do you have a will?
I would split 50/50 with 50% going to your DH and 50% between your two biological children.
What your DH does with his 50% is up to h8m, he could split it 4 ways by his biological children (your two and your DSS) which seems fair.

feelingsimilar · 29/12/2022 14:49

I think that you ignore that your DSS might (or might not) get from their Mum/Mum's parents.

But in general what you/dh might get from his mum and your mum should be split equally amongst all 4 of the children.

However you're working in the land of multiple 'what ifs'. What if nothing materialises from DSS Mum/grandparents? What if your dh's mum needs to spend everything on a care home? What if any inheritance passed to you and your dh needs to be spent on care for you?

If you need a will for the immediate term, then I'd ring-fence the inheritance from your Mum to be shared equally between DSSs and DSs, everything else left to dh.

SomethingOriginal2 · 29/12/2022 14:49

The elder two inherit from their mum and dad. The younger two inherit from their mum and dad.

You need your will to say that if you die before your DH that your estate goes to your two, no to him. But that he can still live in the house he lives in until he dies. Then when he dies, his stuff is split equally between all his four kids.

He needs his will to say that if he dies first his estate is split between all the kids but you still live in the house. OR (which I think is unfair in case you end up needing care and spending it, then his kids don't all get equal inheritance) half goes to his older kids, half to you, to be passed to your kids when you die.

HermioneWeasley · 29/12/2022 14:53

When you are both dead the estate is split in half for you and your DH. Your two kids each get half of your half, and a quarter of their father’s. Your DH’s half is split between all his kids.

Original poster

RumItOver · 29/12/2022 14:55

Tbf we don't know what is to come and we don't currently have savings or pensions. Maybe we will spend the lot! However it is likely we will leave a house behind which will be mortgage free for £200,000ish depending on the market. Our wills currently only state what is to happen to the babies as the teens have their DM and we only bought our house 1 year ago, now inheriting a (for us) considerable sum we need our wills to be clear on property and money too

OP posts:

Whatsfordinnerglutenfree · 29/12/2022 16:28

We’ve done our wills so that all our money goes to the other on death. If we both die at the same time his children will share his half of the inheritance and my children will share my half. We will have to trust the other partner to pass on the inheritance in the same proportions that we want.
My feeling is that my stepchildren will inherit from their side of the family and I can’t see them leaving any to mine.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 29/12/2022 17:01

I think I would view Mum's money as going to her grandchildren, the same as dss grandparents money will go to them.
You are relatively young though so you may well need it yourself.

HeddaGarbled · 29/12/2022 17:17

Leave everything to the surviving spouse and then the surviving spouse can make the decision, hopefully much further down the line when everyone’s circumstances will have changed. Make anything up for if you both go together, as the likelihood of that is so small, it’s not worth fretting about.

Aprilx · 29/12/2022 17:21

I think you should ignore what you think somebody will inherit from elsewhere and just focus on your own legacy. So if I were you, I would split it between my two bio children. If I were your husband I would split it between my four children.

chipsandpeas · 29/12/2022 17:25

HeddaGarbled · 29/12/2022 17:17

Leave everything to the surviving spouse and then the surviving spouse can make the decision, hopefully much further down the line when everyone’s circumstances will have changed. Make anything up for if you both go together, as the likelihood of that is so small, it’s not worth fretting about.

erm no then if the OP dies and her DH gets all the cash he could split it 4 ways and vice versa if the DH dies the OP can just leave to her 2 kids

titchy · 29/12/2022 17:30

Right now, leave to your bio children. If 30 years down the line it appear that your dsc's won't actually inherit what you thought because The Willows Care Home has taken the lot, change your will.

Remember what you do now can be changed.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 29/12/2022 17:34

See a solicitor. They deal with this all the time and will be able to give you both pointers.

Duckmylife · 29/12/2022 18:06

Was your mum close with your dh's kids too? If so, split it between all 4, if they didn't see her as grandma, and just their step mum's mother then just split between your two youngest.

whumpthereitis · 29/12/2022 18:07

50/50 between you and your DH. He leaves equal amounts to his bio children, you leave equal amounts to your bio children.

RedHelenB · 29/12/2022 18:08

You need to keep your inheritance separate now if you want your kids to inherit it eventually.

Stripedbag101 · 29/12/2022 18:48

Remember this isn’t actually about the money it’s about your adult children and what they will be left feeling.

so your husband has four children - his half is split four ways - yours is split between your two children.

it does matter that the older two might also inherit from their mum. They need to know their dad lived his four children equally.

your two children end up with a bigger split because they inherited from two parents. The older two might also inherit from elsewhere.

it will never be even between the four children because they have different families and therefore different people to inherit from.

all that matters is their dad treats them equally.

it’s really tough - speak to a solicitor for advice - they will talk through all the scenarios.

also with wills - no surprises

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2022 18:54

Your half split between your DC, DH half split between all of his. That’s fair irrespective of everyone else and their plans.

Soontobe60 · 29/12/2022 19:04

Whatsfordinnerglutenfree · 29/12/2022 16:28

We’ve done our wills so that all our money goes to the other on death. If we both die at the same time his children will share his half of the inheritance and my children will share my half. We will have to trust the other partner to pass on the inheritance in the same proportions that we want.
My feeling is that my stepchildren will inherit from their side of the family and I can’t see them leaving any to mine.

Please don’t let ‘trust’ decide. My DSis trusted her DH to make sure their children would be well looked after if she died - she had a life limiting illness hence the will - but things didn’t turn out as she wanted. She died, he inherited everything, he met another woman and within a year married her. Went in to have 2 more children. He wrote a new will leaving his money to his wife and the house that he paid for outright from my DSis life insurance is now in joint names so will go to her when he dies (hes 25 years older than her) and god knows who she’s left it to in her will.
make sure you legally ensure your wishes are carried out.

Ihavedogs · 29/12/2022 19:45

Stripedbag101 · 29/12/2022 18:48

Remember this isn’t actually about the money it’s about your adult children and what they will be left feeling.

so your husband has four children - his half is split four ways - yours is split between your two children.

it does matter that the older two might also inherit from their mum. They need to know their dad lived his four children equally.

your two children end up with a bigger split because they inherited from two parents. The older two might also inherit from elsewhere.

it will never be even between the four children because they have different families and therefore different people to inherit from.

all that matters is their dad treats them equally.

it’s really tough - speak to a solicitor for advice - they will talk through all the scenarios.

also with wills - no surprises

Absolutely the right things to do.

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 29/12/2022 23:17

Please don’t let ‘trust’ decide. My DSis trusted her DH to make sure their children would be well looked after if she died - she had a life limiting illness hence the will - but things didn’t turn out as she wanted. She died, he inherited everything, he met another woman and within a year married her. Went in to have 2 more children. He wrote a new will leaving his money to his wife and the house that he paid for outright from my DSis life insurance is now in joint names so will go to her when he dies (hes 25 years older than her) and god knows who she’s left it to in her will.

Men do this all the time. I have two friends who have inherited nothing having watched their mother’s estate handed to another woman’s children. Including jewellery from their maternal grandmother.

saraclara · 29/12/2022 23:35

The elder two inherit from their mum and dad. The younger two inherit from their mum and dad.

That.

And remember that making a will isn't a one off decision that you have to get right first time and live with the consequences. You can change it as often as you like, if circumstances change. But inheriting via the biological parents is the right starting point