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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overseas Friend Visiting 2 Weeks after Birth

4 replies

OrangeBanana22 · 29/12/2022 11:38

I’m due to be induced at 38 weeks around the 9th jan. I have a friend who lives overseas (within Europe) who has said throughout the pregnancy that she’d like to visit after baby comes. I had said that’s fine but we will plan it after baby is here as I’ll have no idea how I’ll be feeling.

For context she is a good friend but we have grown apart quite a bit over the last 18 months or so. We are on very different pages in our lives and we have talked about it previously. So I don’t feel like I need her around or that I’d be missing anything if she came later.

Anyway, fast forward to last night and she tells me she’s booked flights for the end of Jan and is booking a hotel near my house 🤦🏻‍♀️ She is also bringing her boyfriend. I didn’t get any say in the planning at all. She said she won’t bring the bf to visit unless I’m happy with that. Which I don’t think I will be. But regardless baby will only be 2 weeks old (but actually only 40 weeks if I was going to term) and is my first, I don’t think I’ll be ready for visitors but she’s booked it now!

Im also concerned about having a tiny baby with no immune system being visited by someone who’s flown in from another country (friend literally ALWAYS gets sick on her flights over and ends up poorly her whole visit when she comes).

I really don’t know how to handle this!

YABU - friend is making a lot of effort (time and financially) to come and see you so suck it up

YANBU - she should have asked and you can tell her not to visit if you don’t feel comfortable

OP posts:
SomethingOriginal2 · 29/12/2022 11:49

Shes got her boyfriend with her, presumably other family too. So she can keep herself busy. How long is she staying? Plan to meet her towards the end of her visit when the travel bugs are out of her system and make sure you tell her not to bring her boyfriend and tell her you're exhausted and need a nap when you want her to leave.

Rowen32 · 29/12/2022 11:52

Tell her immediately you won't be in a position to have guests at that time, that you've checked and medical staff have advised you baby will be too vulnerable..

LazyLara · 29/12/2022 12:03

If you're uncomfortable with this you need to stop hesitating and tell her now and not closer to the time

Sonyrecording · 29/12/2022 12:10

Don't piss about. Hi friend, I've got to be honest I'm not planning to be spending time with visitors so soon. I need time to get used to the change in life but also I don't want to expose the baby to risk of infection at only 2 weeks old. I wish you'd checked with me before booking. Hopefully as x is going to be with you you'll be able to enjoy the holiday together. If all goes well I'll see if we are up for a visit towards the end of your stay.
This is a hill I'd die on personally, and be prepared to lose a friend who is so inconsiderate.

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