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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at dp

22 replies

pasteyhair · 29/12/2022 10:59

Dp has a son 15, i have a son 9, they both love these certain choc bars, which only one shop sell and is a bit of a journey. Anyway yesterday dp brought 4 of them home, theyre all different flavours. He bought 1 for my ds and 3 for his s, i said this isnt fair he needs to share. Now his s is bent out of shape over it. Aibu to have said that?
I would never not buy equal amounts.

OP posts:
WineIsMyMainVice · 29/12/2022 11:03

Why did he not buy an equal amount for each child?

GroggyLegs · 29/12/2022 11:07

Course they get 2 each. How unkind of your DP.

And at 15 the older child should be able to realise it wasn't fair & share too.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/12/2022 11:09

He should have bought the same number for each.

But I also agree with pp - my 14 yo would know this was unfair and share with my 8 year old equally automatically.

MelchiorsMistress · 29/12/2022 11:09

If he thinks that’s ok then he probably treats your ds unfairly in other ways too. Be on the look out OP and protect your child.

Dotcheck · 29/12/2022 11:11

What was your partner’s justification ?

AllTogetherAllAlone · 29/12/2022 11:13

Did you ask him why?

Maves · 29/12/2022 11:14

It's up to him maybe his son asked him to get them....I take it his son doesn't live there so may have less opportunity to get hold of the chocolate do you buy his son some every time you do yours?

Maves · 29/12/2022 11:17

Tho king about it he bought a treat for his son and maybe to be nice added an extra for your son....you actually can't expect him to share everything he buys his lad he don't have his dad living with him surely his entitled to extra treats you are probably making the lad feel shit

dancinfeet · 29/12/2022 11:47

I disagree- your partner bought a treat for his lad and a small treat for yours- do you buy his son something equal every time you buy for your child?
The only unfair part is that if he knew he was going to this particular shop that is a bit out of the way, why didn’t he give you the heads up to send him some cash over to treat your own son? that was a bit mean.

Azerothi · 29/12/2022 12:10

Do you live with this current boyfriend and his son and your son?

BraveGoldie · 29/12/2022 12:26

There's a big difference in age.... I would expect 15 yr old to be allowed more chocolate. But would not expect this to be flaunted to younger sibling, of course.

Also they went on the trip together to get something they wanted. If you think about it like that, then they can buy any amount of chocolate they want, and... in addition... nice of them to bring something back for sibling who wasn't there. Don't think it needs to be the same amount.

If I take my DD out and we get something, I don't feel obliged to get the same amount of the same thing for a different child, who wasn't with us, and doesn't know either way.

poefaced · 29/12/2022 12:30

If the shop was a distance, I would have bought ten and then given each child one at a time over the course of a fee weeks. They don’t need to know dad bought 10.

So yes, your dp is being unreasonable by showing favouritism to his son. Good on you for speaking up.

poefaced · 29/12/2022 12:31

BraveGoldie · 29/12/2022 12:26

There's a big difference in age.... I would expect 15 yr old to be allowed more chocolate. But would not expect this to be flaunted to younger sibling, of course.

Also they went on the trip together to get something they wanted. If you think about it like that, then they can buy any amount of chocolate they want, and... in addition... nice of them to bring something back for sibling who wasn't there. Don't think it needs to be the same amount.

If I take my DD out and we get something, I don't feel obliged to get the same amount of the same thing for a different child, who wasn't with us, and doesn't know either way.

Where does OP say that her partner’s son went with his dad to get the chocolates?

SomethingOriginal2 · 29/12/2022 12:33

How disgusting to buy more for one child than the other! And I'm concerned that anyone in your house would think this OK and how else the kids are being treated unfairly.

RandomPerson42 · 29/12/2022 12:34

DP brought 4 home, 3 for 1 child and 1 for the other = bang out of order.

In response I would have gone out and bought 10 for your son and none for his.

harrassedmumto3 · 29/12/2022 12:37

Good God, on what planet is this a big deal.

BraveGoldie · 29/12/2022 12:48

@poefaced ahhh quite right, I misread.

Still think a bigger child could have more. But certainly should not be presented to both kids at same time, and 3 to 1 seems excessive

sheepdogdelight · 29/12/2022 12:50

I think he bought them mainly for his son, and one for yours so he would have something. I think this is ok.

do you always buy something for your stepson every time you buy something for yours? I'd be very surprised if you said yes.

I'd also suggest you don't treat a 15 year old and a 9 year old equally anyway. If you are genuinely doing this the 15 year old is losing out/being babied or the 9 year old is getting way more than the 15 year old did at their age.

PinkiOcelot · 29/12/2022 13:02

Anyone else wondering what this chocolate bar is?

poefaced · 29/12/2022 13:17

sheepdogdelight · 29/12/2022 12:50

I think he bought them mainly for his son, and one for yours so he would have something. I think this is ok.

do you always buy something for your stepson every time you buy something for yours? I'd be very surprised if you said yes.

I'd also suggest you don't treat a 15 year old and a 9 year old equally anyway. If you are genuinely doing this the 15 year old is losing out/being babied or the 9 year old is getting way more than the 15 year old did at their age.

If there are two children in the house who both like a food, then you buy it for them equally or you don’t buy it at all.

poefaced · 29/12/2022 13:17

BraveGoldie · 29/12/2022 12:48

@poefaced ahhh quite right, I misread.

Still think a bigger child could have more. But certainly should not be presented to both kids at same time, and 3 to 1 seems excessive

I don’t disagree, had DP managed this better.

Original poster
pasteyhair · 29/12/2022 14:12

No i do not buy things for his son everytime i buy something for mine, however, this is a certain thing that the 2 of them go mad for. So in the past when ive been there i bought them both choc knowing its mean to buy just for my son, to be honest the thought didnt even cross my mind to only buy for my son

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