To think my Mum doesn’t actually like me?

[MrsHughesPinny]

Whenever we spend more time than usual together she finds reasons to argue with me. Not argue, actually, just disagree.

If I say I like an actor on TV, she’ll come back with “I don’t know why you’d like them, but you’ve always had dodgy taste.”

Yesterday, I said I’d make a nice bowl of ramen for dinner because we’d been out and it was chilly and she replied with “Why, what’s wrong with NORMAL food?”

I enjoy sea swimming. She screamed at me last week when I went saying it was “ridiculous, for weirdos and don’t you think it’s really selfish to go in the sea right before Christmas because you’ll get ill and ruin everyone’s Christmas?”

I’ve had this conversation with her and she maintains I’m being over-sensitive. She does it to my Aunt as well, but actually admits she doesn’t particularly like her because she’s boring. I just don’t know how to handle her without making it worse all the time…

Grey Rock...minimal engagement, tell her about your life on a need to know basis and just accept that she is who she is.

It's entirely possible she's behaving this way because she enjoys drama and wants to get a reaction.

My mum is similar...she will deliberately say stuff to provoke/upset me...there's one particular flashpoint currently and she will find a way to reference it in virtually any random conversation.

She's doing it a lot less now I refuse to react to her nonsense.

It sounds toxic. You're not going to get her to behave differently so you should consider avoiding her. I have no idea how she really feels about you but it's likely that she does love you on some level.

@AfterEightMintyCedric She does love drama. She says she doesn’t but her behaviour says otherwise. The reason I think she doesn’t like me is that someone else might say the exact same thing to her and she would say something positive. I just don’t understand why I provoke this kind of reaction in her all the time…

@Reindeersnooker I went very low contact with her for about three years. I had lots of therapy and I do feel much stronger now but it affects everyone else around Christmas etc because we’re a large family and I’ve missed being with my siblings etc going LC with her.

Sounds like my mum, she finds reasons to fall out with me every few months and will stop talking to me and give me silent treatment, it’s draining

@MrsHughesPinny that must be really tough.

I'm an only child and maintained my relationships with my mum as a/ she's not all bad and b/ I absolutely adored my late dad and couldn't bear the implications for my relationship with him.

He passed away last year and a lot of the issues I have my mum currently relate to the latter stages of his life and her behaviour at the time.

I still see her more than most people probably see their parents but have stepped back considerably over the last few months. When I do see her I try to react as little as possible to her pushing my buttons.

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock