Would you take food home from a buffet?

[FlossMeg]

I held a party for a family member’s birthday recently.

One of our family friends runs a catering company and I employed them to provide a buffet suitable for the number of attendees.

One of my DM’s friends turned up with a Tupperware set and said to my DM ‘oh I’ll just take some of the food home for Steve (her husband - not real name). She then proceeded to load three Tupperware cartons with food from the buffet.

Surely this is not normal? Do people really help themselves to food for their family who weren’t even invited?

One of my friends' wives constantly does this - not just at big events either, but also at small gatherings where it's just a few of us! Asks the dinner party host if she can take some leftovers home and starts piling it in bags and putting it in the car!! We went to a v small birthday party last year where everyone had brought something for the "buffet" and she loaded all the puddings into her car even though most of us were going back for seconds or thirds (she took it all including the dishes they came in that obviously belonged to other people!!!).

I was about to say "rude but I admire her brass neck" and then I read this:

I should also add that I think I’d have been less bothered if she’d taken stuff home that had been left after everyone had eaten - but she loaded up the containers when she was getting her own stuff before everyone had been served.

Why did you let her do this???

I would have stopped her and I don't understand why nobody didn't ask her to wait until the end.Sadly,with c.f.'s if you let them get away with walking all over you,they will.

The f*ck?! Yes that's so rude! Fair enough if at the end you said "oh there's plenty leftover, would anyone like to take some home?" which is what I always encourage people to do when I host a party cause I hate food waste.

But to show up with tupperware is cheeky. And then to have the audacity to fill it up before the guests at the party had even eaten is shocking! I'd of made her put it back

Yes. But I cannot bear food waste (no one should be tolerating food waste actually) and these things are always over catered for

you were too british op to just let her

Normally you'd wait until the end. We had a buffet from the local Chinese take away for DDs communion party and when people were heading home we asked did they want to take any home. Our neighbours joked that that was Sunday lunch taken care of.
On the alcohol in the bag thing I had a little giggle when I read it as my late nana and her friends at the senior citizens club used to do this. They would bring their spirit of choice in a bottle in their bag and buy the mixers at the bar. I think normally they would buy the first drink. This was 20 odd or more years ago.

Rude as hell.

You only take leftovers at the end, and then, only if specifically invited. The host who has paid for the buffet may already have arrangements to use up the leftovers.

Whipping out Tupperware boxes those - that's premeditated CFery.

Seen this on cruise ships on the last breakfast if the cruise before disembarkation.
Lots of people making up rolls and filling plastic boxes with pastries and fruit.
I guess some people have a long journey home.
Your filching guest sounds a real cf

Possibly ok if she just took a few bits for Steve, but turning up with 3 containers is greedy and rude.
Some people are just cheap.
I’d be tempted to ask her if everything is ok at home, or make a comment about the cost of living and look on sympathetically at her and the containers, if I caught her doing it.

Appallingly rude and absolutely no excuses for that behaviour at all.
I would have said something (in her ear) but then that's me - rarely let people get away with rude shit!!

Unless it was something like an unopened bag of crisps, I wouldn't want food that had been out on a buffet for several hours - it would already be past its best.

No. It is proper scummy to take tuppaware boxes to someone's party so you can steal food. Some people really do have no shame. You obviously can't not invite her to your mums events as she's her friend but I'd just be prepared for it and tell her to let other people get their food first and you'll let her know if there's left overs. Be prepared to actually take the tuppaware out of her hand if she shies to fob you off 🤣

God how rude and obnoxious.

First of all your DM wasn’t the host of the party. You were, so she should have asked you. And secondly she absolutely should have waited until after everyone had finished eating. You let the host direct matters rather than just turning up and helping yourself to food that doesn’t belong to you!

Yes it’s scummy. And yet so many people get away with it over and over because everyone around them is too ‘polite’ (in other words, cowardly) to tell them to stop their cheeky fuckery!

No, I wouldn't do it unless the host offered at the end of the event.

I experienced this at a family wake once. I hadn't had the chance to partake of the buffet and when I went up to the table there was an old woman who was filling tupperware boxes in exactly the same way. I said "What do you think you're doing?" to which she replied "I'm taking food for all the people who couldn't attend." I was absolutely gobsmacked.

I’m with those who say that taking a large amount from the buffet before others have had anything is CFery. At the end of the evening (or well into it when people are starting to leave) is fine to avoid waste but, even then, I would expect the host to offer leftovers to guests (or I’d ask if they didn’t). This scenario is taking liberties.

My ex had a cousin who did this all the time - parties, wakes, weddings, you name it - and always with an "Aren't I a one?" smirk on his face

I could never understand why folk kept inviting someone as rude as this to things, but that's the point - if they're never challenged they just carry on, so I'm with those who ask why nothing was said

Yeah, that's awfully rude. I'd expect it at the end of the night with left over food but not at the beginning when other invited guests haven't eaten! She's clearly a cheapskate bringing her own drinks as well. Who invited her?!

Why didn't you just quietly tell her at the time? All you needed to say was 'this is my Mums party we have paid caterers for the number attending, we can't accommodate people taking food from the buffet, please just take what you are going to eat.' Or something.

Why are people so WET? So many threads/posts where people can't just seem to politely point out that what the person is doing isn't acceptable/normal/polite!

OP didn’t have the exchange with the woman in question...OP’s mother did.

But otherwise I do agree, so many people just stand there and let people do stuff like this.

Yes, that's rude.

And VERY different to when it's the end of the party, and you encourage people to take a plate of leftovers!

Steve's wife wouldn't be invited to anything of mine going forward.

I did a cookery course where the idea was we shared out the food we had all made ( there were about 12 of us on the course and we had shared making quite a few dishes) . Some of the food we ate as a shared pasta lunch, there was plenty for everyone, but some was to be taken home. Most of us took a sample of the take home food so there would be enough to taste each item , so one slice of ciabatta, one slice of Genoese sponge, one stuffed cannelloni , a couple of biscotti, etc etc apart from one woman who grabbed a good handful of the containers provided and stuffed each one full to the brim of every dish. She probably had enough to feed herself for a week, and some spare. I don’t think I have ever seen such a blatant display of greed.

It certainly isn't well mannered.

I'd have thought guests would be invited to take home food if there was some left over at the end, but not just to help yourself in advance.