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Original poster

How do I navigate Christmas next year?

32 replies

thermostate · 29/12/2022 08:53

I live 5 hours drive away from my family and 40 mins away from in-laws.

We have 2 children under 5.

My husband and I want to host next year because we end up travelling around every year and never, ever enjoy ourselves.

How should we say it? Essentially we want to say that we're having Christmas at ours, whoever wants to come can.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 29/12/2022 08:54

Exactly what you’ve said there

Original poster
thermostate · 29/12/2022 08:56

I know that my parents won't be able to come to us because our elderly grandmother and the fact they've spent Christmas in the same house for over 40 years.

OP posts:
Lenald · 29/12/2022 08:57

Why are you making a mountain over this? Just invite them.

Hercisback · 29/12/2022 09:00

Invite them, they can always say no.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 29/12/2022 09:00

Just invite them, then they have a whole year to decide & plan accordingly.

Topseyt123 · 29/12/2022 09:02

You say exactly what you have suggested here.

Many people with very young children stop travelling all over the place for Christmas because it just becomes impractical. We did. We simply couldn't have fitted everything in the car when the kids were small.

Visit them at a different time. Maybe at New Year, or maybe during December/January.

Topseyt123 · 29/12/2022 09:03

Or as others suggest, just invite them and leave them to make their own decisions. But stick to your guns if they start wheedling.

MelchiorsMistress · 29/12/2022 09:07

If you think it’s going to be difficult telling your family that you’re staying at home, have a plan in mind for when you will see them so you can soften it a bit if they say they definitely won’t come to you.

Hobbesmanc · 29/12/2022 09:09

It's totally normal to switch to being hosts when you start a family. My mum always maintained that children enjoy Christmas at home. There's surrounding days to travel.

alongtimeagoandfaraway · 29/12/2022 09:10

If they’ve had Christmas in their home for 40 years then it’s time they gave someone else a turn.
it was 30 years for us, but this year we went to our daughters because times change and it was time to hand on the baton.

gogohmm · 29/12/2022 09:10

Just invite them, if you don't have space for visitors to stay, send information on local places where they can reasonably book accommodation (eg I prepared a list of the hotels and b&b's in my town complete with distance from my house and rough price)

poefaced · 29/12/2022 09:14

You are not responsible for your parents.

Invite them, if they choose to stay home, then fine.

LizzieSiddal · 29/12/2022 09:15

Ive hosted Xmas for over 30 years and I don’t want to do it anymore. SIL and DD mentioned they may host next year and I absolutely jumped at the suggestion and will keep encouraging them to do it. It’s much easier for dh and I to pop over to them than for them to come to us with their Dd who just wants to stay at home and play with her gifts.

Strawberrysundaeonamonday · 29/12/2022 09:16

Invite them, they might surprise you. They may love the change of scenery. I would say it exactly as you did in your post.

Decorhate · 29/12/2022 09:16

Just say it’s not fair on the children (eg it’s hard to conceal large presents & transport them home again) & you want to have Christmas in your own home but everyone is welcome to visit - if your parents won’t change their ways of doing things they could visit after Christmas or for the New Year. But be prepared that they may not come.

We did this after a few years of horrendous journeys in bad weather. We try to visit for a weekend before Christmas and sometimes family visit us for NY.

WillTryNotToBeGrumpy · 29/12/2022 09:20

When you have young children that changes the rules I think. Stay at home, it's perfectly reasonable. Your kids can enjoy the day. Your parents presumably did the same since they've had Christmas in the same house for 40 years so they should understand. If they choose not to come then that's up to them.

Ohnotheydidnt · 29/12/2022 09:20

We have the same problem. Only ours are in their 70s and won't leave their respective towns/ villages. Very perfectly fit and healthy wild swimmers and walkers - so little excuse.

If we aren't there for Christmas they guilt trip us big time. The last time I said we were having a quiet Christmas (so we don't waste the week by driving around!) - I got a text message saying "We are so disappointed that you didn't consider us and our feelings. You've ruined Christmas"

I get it OP. And I'm following for advice. X

Ohnotheydidnt · 29/12/2022 09:22

poefaced · 29/12/2022 09:14

You are not responsible for your parents.

Invite them, if they choose to stay home, then fine.

This is our new mantra!

NoSquirrels · 29/12/2022 09:26

How should we say it? Essentially we want to say that we're having Christmas at ours, whoever wants to come can.

Just say that?

I know that my parents won't be able to come to us because our elderly grandmother and the fact they've spent Christmas in the same house for over 40 years.

You know they probably won’t want to come, and your elderly grandmother is a very valid reason. But you don’t know they won’t.

Are you an only child?

I’m sure even if they don’t come for Christmas itself they could come and visit before or after - presumably they do visit you sometimes?

NoSquirrels · 29/12/2022 09:27

Ohnotheydidnt · 29/12/2022 09:20

We have the same problem. Only ours are in their 70s and won't leave their respective towns/ villages. Very perfectly fit and healthy wild swimmers and walkers - so little excuse.

If we aren't there for Christmas they guilt trip us big time. The last time I said we were having a quiet Christmas (so we don't waste the week by driving around!) - I got a text message saying "We are so disappointed that you didn't consider us and our feelings. You've ruined Christmas"

I get it OP. And I'm following for advice. X

My advice would be to send a message back saying it’s a shame they didn’t consider my feelings were valid, and that saying we’d ‘ruined Christmas’ was a bit dramatic.

qpmz · 29/12/2022 09:33

It's sad that you've travelled every Christmas so far and you never ever enjoy it! It's a choice what you do, not an obligation.

Now you're giving people a whole year's notice to make plans - why are you worried? It sounds like people have got stuck in their ways and daren't do anything different. If they can't come, you'll have a nice quiet Christmas in your own home. You can visit at other times.

RandomSunday · 29/12/2022 09:35

You’re overthinking it. It’s fine to enjoy Christmas in your own home, especially when you have children who, naturally, want to spend time with their new presents.

Just tell them you have decided to spend Christmas at home, next year, and they would be very welcome to join you for Christmas dinner. Please could they let you know by X date if they will be coming, so you can order the meat and trimmings.

Nothing more needed.

SharksInTheTea · 29/12/2022 09:39

I'd tackle this now. When chatting about last Christmas I'd say it was lovely but doing all the travelling with the children is getting stressful now and starting to take the joy out of it a bit so you've decided to try spending Chrsitmas at home next year. They are welcome to come or you'll arrange to see them on the run up or after Christmas next year but otherwise you'll be home.

They've got the year to get used to the idea then. Rather than start the run up expecting you'll visit and then be disappointed when you don't, if you see what I mean?

ifonly4 · 29/12/2022 09:40

Just as you've written it above. Now you've got little ones, much nicer for them to be in their own home. Any problems with it, I'd do it on a rota, one year at yours no matter who comes, one at in-laws and one at your DP.

TenoringBehind · 29/12/2022 09:41

You are massively overthinking This.

Don’t say anything now as it will be seen as a criticism of this year’s arrangements. In late summer next year just announce that you would like Christmas in your own home and anyone who wants to is welcome to join you. Keep it short and simple.