A room of my own

[Delabruche]

We don't have a spare room but dd is away for a few days and I have a bad cough so moved into her room so I don't disturb dh. I love it. 😳DH always wakes me up snoring or hugging me. Here, even with a cough, I sleep so much better. I woke up at 2am (as I frequently do) and instead of fretting, I read for half an hour then went back to sleep.

Next year ds is moving out, AIBU to have a room of my own or is dh right - are separate rooms a warning sign that the marriage is in trouble?

YANBU - everyone needs their own space
YABU - separate rooms at your peril!

It’s my idea of heaven too! Is it having your own space or sleeping alone that appeals? I have my own office which is my space which I love but sleep with DH so his ego isn’t battered.

YANBU - sleeping together is nothing to do with the health of a marriage. If everything else is ok and you have the intimacy you both need, then sleeping separately can be a marriage saver!

Well, my parents have been married 45 years and seem perfectly happy, but have slept in separate rooms for at least 10 years because it's more comfortable.

I think as you get older having your own space is a luxury and makes perfect sense. I wish I had my own room!

I think it's perfectly fine if it works for you. Having your own space is nice regardless of whether you sleep in it. I have my own study at home, I like having somewhere to retreat to that is just mine.

We have a superking bed and a double duvet each. Doesn't solve snoring issues, but gives us our own space.

Both! I work from home with no office space. I don't have any space that is just mine. I miss it.

My ideal is together but separate houses.

I think it depends entirely on how everything else is in the marriage. Separate rooms can be the start of living separate lives if the marriage isn’t strong, but if everything else is working I don’t see why not!

Could you claim the bedroom as your office/spare room? Set it up to suit you but with a daybed for you or guests to crash on if needed?

Women sleeping well is a key factor in staying together in my experience. I've slept in a different bedroom for years. It takes me ages to nod off, I wake regularly, I get twitchy legs and I hate being woken up in the morning when I do eventually get to sleep.

Married 35 years and separate bedrooms ... I never understand why 'sharing a bed' is seen as so important in a marriage. I love sleeping alone, spending time alone, not worrying about disturbing someone if I want to go to bed late, read, get up early ...... as does DH

Your title reminds me Virginia Woolf knew… “A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.” Creativity grows from privacy and solitude.

Whether that’s sleeping in a separate room to give you the rest and head space you need to function well, or it’s the more literal having a space of your own to pursue a creative interest, I think space and privacy are very good! Getting your needs met leads to mental wellbeing and relationships and endeavours that flourish.

Whenever DH asks me what gift I want, I always say 2 nights in a hotel on my own! He's not done it yet, think he's a bit insulted. 😬
My parents sleep on separate rooms now, as my mum is a bad sleeper and my dad snores! I think it depends on the relationship in general. If it's good, there's nothing wrong with having your own room.

DH and I have separate rooms... his is in Hampshire and mine is in Yorkshire. Bit extreme, but it does make the time together more valuable.

I think we are edging this way. Throughout the year and for various reasons we sleep separately on occasion.

We mostly sleep in separate bedrooms. I’m a poor sleeper and moved in the spare bedroom at the weekends when DH was snoring his head off. I then moved in all the time. I love having my own space, my own covers, my cozy little room. Your sleep is so important.

He wakes you up by hugging you? I’d go nuts. We have a spare room and start off together but when I inevitably wake up at 2am, I always go to the spare room.