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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to shave her head for charity?

24 replies

JudgeThreadd · 03/02/2008 18:49

I admire her sentiment, really I do. She is desperate to do something big for a milestone birthday and has decided to shave her head for sponsorship for a children's charity.

A relative of mine has recently had chemo and lost all her hair and another friend has just started and is devastated at the thought of losing her hair.

While I wholeheartedly wish to support my friend's efforts, I wish she wouldn't do this. She is organising other fundraisers too and I'm sure many people would sponsor her not to shave her head.
I haven't told her how strongly i feel she shouldn't do this yet.

your thoughts please. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
JudgeThreadd · 03/02/2008 19:01

oh I am a regular by the way. Just trying to be discreet.

OP posts:
Maidamess · 03/02/2008 19:03

Why do you feel so strongly that she shouldn't do it? Are you worried she will regret it? If so, isn't that her decision to make?

tearinghairout · 03/02/2008 19:06

It sounds like the sort of thing, like bungee-jumping, that once you've made the decision, is a personal challenge. So I think she's doing it for her, iyswim, as much as for the charity, so I don't thinky ou should try to talk her out of it.

Original poster
JudgeThreadd · 03/02/2008 19:06

yes of course it's her decision. And FWIW she will look fabulous (she is stunning anyway)

This is going to sound a bit pious but I think my gut feeling is distaste at the idea of voluntarily going bald when I know so many women have really strugggled with this as a result of illness.

OP posts:
MAMAZON · 03/02/2008 19:08

YABU

shaving her head is not something she will haev decided upon lightly im sure.

when my uncle went through chemo and lost his hair all his mates got sponsered to shave their heads too.

its only hair, it will grow back. but in th emeantime she will have a constant reminder of what she has done to help others.

tearinghairout · 03/02/2008 19:08

Judge, that's fair enough, doesn't sound pious.

hecticmum · 03/02/2008 19:09

Maybe the happier people are with doing it voluntarily the more it takes the sting out of being forced to lose your hair? If it was something that no-one would ever choose to do, even for charity, surely that makes it more of a stigma for the people who can't help it and makes them more unusual.

tearinghairout · 03/02/2008 19:09

I still think though, that she won't thank you fo trying to put her off doing it.

tearinghairout · 03/02/2008 19:10

Hectic, good point. Make it more 'normal'.

Wilkie · 03/02/2008 19:11

I actually think it is more supportive of people who have lost their hair. I think she is very brave and you should support her

hecticmum · 03/02/2008 19:12

Yes, if it becomes more commonplace people won't even know (without asking) whether someone's shaved their head voluntarily or lost their hair.

Also, IMO she'll raise a lot more TO shave hair head than NOT to, so there's also the point that for the small issue of possibly making people who lose their hair feel uncomfortable, she's saving lives or making lives better, which seems more important to me.

TaLcYonHerTodd · 03/02/2008 19:15

Agree with mamazon and hectic mum's posts..
what a fab thing to do

morningpaper · 03/02/2008 19:15

I've worn my hair shaved before just because I liked it like that

And lots of men wear their hair like that

This is sort of like arguing that you shouldn't be sponsored to run, because some people have to run because they are escaping from an axe murderer or something

Lots of people shave their heads specifically FOR cancer charities, as a statement of support for those having bad chemo

But I think you are confusing the issues in your head

needmorecoffee · 03/02/2008 19:16

Thing is, people don't sponser you not to shave. I did this to raise money to buy my daughters wheelchair a few years back. No-one would just give me 2000 quid. So I did a whole host of fundraising stuff.
I'd rather of not done it to be honest.
I now need to raise 3000 to buy a Duet wheelchair bike so my daughter can be taken on bikerides (she has severe quadraplegic cerebral palsy).

Original poster
JudgeThreadd · 03/02/2008 19:17

I wonder if she'd be as keen to do this if she looked like me (ie plug ugly)

Thing is she told me she always fancied shaving her hair off anyway to see how she looked. So I just feel weird about her doing it for charity.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 03/02/2008 19:18

If she looked like you but had HER self-esteem, I think she would probably do the same thing, yes

Original poster
JudgeThreadd · 03/02/2008 19:20

guess i am being unreasonable.

OK, ok, I am unreasonably against her doing this

OP posts:
dittany · 03/02/2008 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shaniece · 03/02/2008 19:22

Could be worse, a friend of a friend got her baps out for charity on a night out, and I was not amused - the others found it highly amusing .

hatrick · 03/02/2008 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sabaidii · 04/02/2008 13:12

It's er head and she can do what she wishes to it.

sabaidii · 04/02/2008 13:13

It's er head and she can do what she wishes to it.

hanaflower · 04/02/2008 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

krugerparkrules · 04/02/2008 13:18

My (ex model, totally stunning) friend cut off his hair and gave it to a young child who was going through chemo, I thought it was a great gesture. (even though he wanted a haircut anyway) .Just support your friend, perhaps her hair will be used to help someone, she is lucky, gorgeous and it will grow back ...
are you worried about the attention (positive) she will get about doing this?

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