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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teens wearing next to nothing

59 replies

refuge123 · 28/12/2022 20:42

I've just been speaking to a few people on another thread who, who, to put it nicely, are surprised I dont allow my children to wear next to nothing in minus temps, and that I should allow them to because of the current fashion trend. I allow colour, material, pattern etc in a price range I can afford but not summer clothes when its freezing.
I have commented that when youre responsible for the wellbeing of a child, you dont allow them to make decisions that can harm their wellbeing.
They were advocating for someone elses child in wearing next to nothing and I gave my opinion that its a welfare issue and their choice should be removed if they cant make sensible decisions.
I feel I've been sensible in my comments but the people are laughing at me and my apparent ridiculousness?
They are essentially trying to explain to me it's their choice and not a welfare issue and they should be allowed to make this choice when it could harm their wellbeing.
I'm not talking about anyone being sexualised, thats a whole different kettle of fish.
Fashion or not, it's december, winter, and I'm genuinly perplexed about what I'm not understanding?

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheets · 28/12/2022 20:51

Teenagers? Like 15/16?

Yes sorry you are being daft - they can decide what to wear and suck it up if they are cold

Social services are dealing with 13 year olds involved in criminal and sexual exploitation - going out without a stout vest is not a welfare issue!

IamSmarticus · 28/12/2022 20:51

I think the first question has to be - how old are your children?

thelobsterquadrille · 28/12/2022 20:52

How old are your teenagers? There's a huge difference between thirteen and nineteen, for example.

upfucked · 28/12/2022 20:53

Age?

WeDontNeedToTalkAboutJamie · 28/12/2022 20:55

Teenagers who are old enough to understand "you'll be cold if you go out in that"?
Not a welfare issue.

July70 · 28/12/2022 20:56

the younger they are the more you say and if 17-19, they will just ignore

TrentCrimm · 28/12/2022 20:57

Don't be daft.

Afterfire · 28/12/2022 20:57

Totally age dependent.

Older teens will just pack skimpy stuff in their bags and change elsewhere. That’s what we used to do!

Newusernameaug · 28/12/2022 20:58

I’d say from around secondary school age I let them make their own decisions - I’d warn they’d be cold, sometimes I let them get cold, more often than not, I brought along coat, scarf, gloves etc and when they used them they were always grateful until next time when they’d forget again! 😂

Pickingmyselfup · 28/12/2022 20:59

If they are old enough to go out unsupervised they are old enough to decide if they want a coat.

My kid's are only 5 and 7 so I take their coats but don't make them wear them. They are old enough to decide if they are cold and ask me for their coat.

FannyFifer · 28/12/2022 20:59

Imagine starting another thread to moan that folk are laughing at you though.

Lkydfju · 28/12/2022 20:59

Letting my teen get cold when she’s insisted on wearing something weather inappropriate has worked quite well for us….I’m not totally mean, I’ll make sure DD has a coat in the car but if she insists on not wearing it then she gets cold and decides to go back and get it after 10 minutes

WrongLife · 28/12/2022 20:59

I usually make various comments along the lines of "you DO know it's 3deg out there, maybe take a coat?"

if they insist on wearing next to nothing, they'll be cold and maybe not do it next time.

LolaSmiles · 28/12/2022 21:03

It could be a welfare issue if parents were repeatedly refusing to provide appropriate clothing for a child, and it was part of a bigger picture of concerns for the child's welfare.

Teenagers prioritising fashion over warmth and practicality is a non-issue and has been the case for decades

Scarfweather · 28/12/2022 21:04

You’re doing your job as a caring mum OP. I’ve found it to be a self-limiting thing - being cold is uncomfortable.
Although, having frequented pubs and nightclubs in Newcastle at the age of 17, I saw absolute no merits to wearing a coat even in the snow 😁
Naturally, I wouldn’t want my daughter to do any of that….

TwoShades1 · 28/12/2022 21:07

Honestly let them wear what they want. It’s only a welfare issue if there isn’t suitable clothing available and they have to wear shorts, Tshirt, etc. Assuming coats, jeans, etc are available to them if not a welfare issue if they choose shorts.

SomethingOriginal2 · 28/12/2022 21:08

Teenagers are perfectly able to dress themselves. A toddler refusing to wear a coat, absolutely intervene as a responsible parent. But a teenager should be trusted to dress themselves. It's just controlling to try and force them to wear what you want.

ChristmasCakeAndStilton · 28/12/2022 21:09

Yeah, um, there comes a point where I get fed up of insisting shorts and teeshirts aren't appropriate for the weather. It's not worth the battle. Coat has to go with us. I occasionally insist on trousers. The rest is on him. I'll say its cold, but he can work a weather app and look out of a window. I've just managed to get him to upgrade from a 1.5 tog duvet to a 4.5 tog duvet. Heating goes off in this house mid evening, and comes back on 45 mins before I get up. I think he honestly doesn't feel the cold in the same way the rest of us do.

Don't just us all because it's not what you'd do. Some of us have been trying for years to get them to wear more clothes.

NoseyNellie · 28/12/2022 21:11

Unless your child is bucking the Brecon Beacons I’m pretty sure they’re not at risk of anything more than feeling bloody cold.

girlmom21 · 28/12/2022 21:11

Your plan to get back up isn't going to work here, OP. You'll just get the same posters who are already on the other thread reiterating the same things.

The child's age is relevant though.

RumblePhish · 28/12/2022 21:11

I kind of agree. My DC was moaning about being ill then not wearing enough then moaning again and it was doing my head in as I was suffering from the whinging and moaning so a bit of “wear a hat” insistence went on. If my ears are going to be inconvenienced then am going to moan back.

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 28/12/2022 21:11

Yanbu. You wouldn't allow them to eat mcds for every meal 'because they want to'. This is no different.

NoseyNellie · 28/12/2022 21:12

I’m sure I typed ‘trekking’

OzziePopPop · 28/12/2022 21:14

I have a 12 year old boy and just turned 16 year old girl, I’ll say ‘don’t you think you’ll need a coat’ or similar and then they’re left to get on with it. They freeze, their lookout. They have hoodies, coats etc which are warm and waterproof and 99% of the time they’ll agree and grab a coat, but if they don’t… we’ll they’re old enough now to know better frankly!

Kids and teens don’t seem to feel the cold the same. I remember being a teen and working outside (stables) in minus temperatures without being cold at all. Yes, there was an element of physical work keeping me warm but I just didn’t get cold. Same when older and standing outside nightclubs waiting for taxis in tiny dresses, a coat would have been so uncool I just wouldn’t have worn one. I was fine, chilly but fine!

People feel cold differently, the teen years are the ‘letting go’ years. Let them decide!

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 28/12/2022 21:15

Most teenagers go through that stage. I remember going out in just a tracksuit in snow and -5 temps. Not i'm all about the fluffy socks, fleece leggings, 3 layers and big duvet coat.

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