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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disowning family too much?

6 replies

Danni9 · 28/12/2022 20:38

Hi everyone, I could really do with you're advice.

I am the black sheep of my family. Never fitted in, always done things differently, have very different views to that of my family and can be quiet at times.

Each year I attend family meals or outings for what ever reasons such as Christmas or birthdays, and every year I detest them.
I feel so incredibly left out on each occasion, I mostly get sat at the end of the table and people barely speak to me. If I try to join in or ask questions no one really bothers to respond to me or I just get ignored. I'm now 30, I have a 3 and 2 year old and to be quite frank I've had enough. The christmas meal this year sent me over the edge, I had my children with me and I just wanted to cry.
The next time someone arranges a family get together I want to tell them I won't be joining them anymore because this is how I feel and I don't want to feel that way anymore.
But I'm not sure if that's the right way to go about it. Am I being unreasonable?
Does anyone have any suggestions, strategies or advice I can use to get me through these occasions and deal with it so my children don't miss out bonding and playing with their cousins? Or do I just walk away and not go to them anymore?

OP posts:
Letthekidsplay · 28/12/2022 20:45

Just miss the next one or two events - be sick or busy, buy yourself some breathing space and then decide.

Always4Brenner · 28/12/2022 20:47

Start going less and see if they notice if negative towards you drop them that’s what I did I’d had enough. Good luck.

Vaccine001 · 28/12/2022 20:48

Be busy the next couple of events as the above poster has advised. Meet the cousins one to one only. I know how it feels, I understand. It's toxic and damaging to mental health. You need to get away for a bit.

Kitkatfiend31 · 28/12/2022 21:00

Why don't you just see your family in smaller doses so conversation is easier. Invite one or two people to yours for coffee etc then it might be easier to build relationships.

Original poster
Danni9 · 28/12/2022 21:18

Vaccine001 · 28/12/2022 20:48

Be busy the next couple of events as the above poster has advised. Meet the cousins one to one only. I know how it feels, I understand. It's toxic and damaging to mental health. You need to get away for a bit.

It is really hard. Thank you for understanding.
I get scared that my daughters will be treated the same and feel how I've always felt.

You're right, I do need to get away. Need to get busy Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Danni9 · 28/12/2022 21:20

Kitkatfiend31 · 28/12/2022 21:00

Why don't you just see your family in smaller doses so conversation is easier. Invite one or two people to yours for coffee etc then it might be easier to build relationships.

This is good advice, thank you :)
I will try this at some point.

OP posts:
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