Rude?

[Anon123343]

Me and a close friend have drifted apart but I didn’t want that to affect my relationship with her daughter. I always acknowledge special days etc. It is her birthday tomorrow. Last birthday I got her a branded top which she liked soo much. I got the sizing a tiny wrong but she was happy. I wanted to get it right this time and thought the weather is cold I could get the same brand (brand she likes) but a jumper and get the size correct this time. I wanted to check with her and asked her as iv not seen her in ages. Are you still wearing S as iv seen something you might like I want to get. She replied- I dont want any clothing.

I couldnt reply. Not sure if im being sensitive but found it a bit rude.

Wow that is rude. There is need to buy her presents. Does she buy you a present?

Depends why you and her parent are no longer friends?

It does come across a bit blunt but she might not have meant it to be rude, just factual. It’s difficult to tell on texts. I’d say, ‘’OK that’s fine, I just know you loved the gift last year and seen something similar I thought you’d like, is there anything you’d prefer?’’ and see what she says before deciding what to do.

How old is the daughter?

In any event, I would assume she has since heard her mother's side of the story and is - predictably - taking her side.

Sounds like she doesn't want a present from you. I mean do you see or speak to either of them ever? If not I can see why shes letting you know not to bother.

Alternatively don’t get a gift at all if you feel she’s annoyed with you.

Maybe she feels awkward if you and her mum aren't friends anymore?

Yes that's very rude. How old is she? I definitely wouldn't buy her a present. It was nice of you to try and continue to be a part of her daughter's life - I actually still feel really fondly about friends of my parents who took an interest in me as I was growing up and genuinely miss some of them. It seems though that she's not really encouraging your kind attention so I'd spend your energy and money elsewhere.

I was thinking it was a bit weird to stay in touch with your friends daughter in the circumstances. I think the response would tell me that she does not want to stay in touch with you. I would leave it now.

I don't agree that it's rude at all. I think you are the more rude one out of the two in this scenario.

How

Have a day off, keyansier 😂

It’s blunt but how old is the daughter? It’s a bit weird to keep sending her gifts if you don’t see her mum & haven’t seen her in ages.

I think you should drop the gifts tbh, unless there’s a chance you might make up with her parent, it’s a bit awkward.

He's right. It's not rude.

Failing to ask a 28 year old for ID in the off-licence because you don't think they look 15 though - that's a hanging offence.

How do you know she loved the other top if you aren't in touch with her mum, maybe she was just being polite. It is a bit rude but she obviously doesn't want a present from you. Maybe your gift upset her mum and she doesn't want that to happen again. I'd just leave it and maybe just send a card for special occasions

Blunt - but I think the age of the child is relevant.
In the circumstances I'd cut things down to just birthday cards maybe?
As PPs have said, she's heard her mothers side of the friendship breakdown, and most likely to feel allegiance to her.

It could b seen as rude all she had to say was thanks at the end. The thing with with texts is they can come across as rude just by missing a word.

If she was on her mums side and not wanting anything itd make more sense to say i don't want anything. Saying i don't want clothing implies something else would be ok.

How old is she?

That’s rude, I’d reply “ok” and leave it at that.

Why would she want any contact with you or a present if you and her mum are no longer friends?

It's a kid being honest. I'd walk away if I were you op.

How old is she?

oh it’s him 🤣