Dealing with nerves before family / events parties?

C1239 · 2022-12-28T16:53:46+00:00

Since covid I seem so much more apprehensive before going to big events. I get a headache or feel nervous and it’s so easy to say oh I ll stay at home but in the new year I would like to get back to being a bit more of my social self. Any tips? I know realistically there is nothing to be ‘scared’ of, I’d just like to try and look forward to these things more!

5128gap · 28/12/2022 16:57

If you haven't already, try and name your fear. What is it you're worried about? Having nothing to talk about? Feeling trapped? Catching an illness? Being the centre of attention? Being ignored? Once you identify what the scary thing is, you can start to think up coping strategies.

PotterLottery · 28/12/2022 16:59

I say to myself that I'm only going to stay for an hour, and if I don't like it, I can leave. I allow myself that. I've never left yet. Once im there I'm absolutely fine. But it makes me feel better to know I won't be sort of... Stuck.

Original poster

C1239 · 28/12/2022 17:02

That’s a very good point @5128gap . It sounds silly but I think it’s being the centre of attention and starting to feel unwell when I’m somewhere more unfamiliar , no rhyme or reason for me to worry about that it’s just since covid which I know is silly. I tend not to drink anymore , I think I always used to feel a little apprehensive before gatherings but knew after a few sips of wine I’d be fine but now I know I’m not really going to drink I think it’s the fear of feeling uncomfortable whilst I’m there!

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Original poster

C1239 · 28/12/2022 17:03

Yes I can see how that can make you feel more calm @PotterLottery , I ll give that a go!

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5128gap · 28/12/2022 17:10

C1239 · 28/12/2022 17:02

That’s a very good point @5128gap . It sounds silly but I think it’s being the centre of attention and starting to feel unwell when I’m somewhere more unfamiliar , no rhyme or reason for me to worry about that it’s just since covid which I know is silly. I tend not to drink anymore , I think I always used to feel a little apprehensive before gatherings but knew after a few sips of wine I’d be fine but now I know I’m not really going to drink I think it’s the fear of feeling uncomfortable whilst I’m there!

No, I get it. I went through a stage of feeling exactly the same. Talking to someone in a warm room, getting hotter and thinking I was going to faint.
What worked for me was to get to the place early enough to be able to set up a base in a place I felt comfortable. For me, it was close to an exit so I knew if I needed to I could excuse myself on pretext of the loo and get out of there for a breather if i needed it. Just knowing I had my escape plan calmed me.
I also found it helpful to have one person near me who knew I was anxious and would help me by deflecting attention, taking up the conversation for me if I needed it.

Original poster

C1239 · 30/12/2022 11:20

I’ve been invited to a New Years house party and I just want to cry! I feel like I have to go but I don’t want to but I also don’t want to keep not going to social things!

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mummymummymummummum · 30/12/2022 11:35

Social anxiety is a thing. I did group CBT on the NHS which was useful. Learnt some techniques-nothing ground breaking, but just changing how I think about things can help. Doesn't mean I love loud, busy social events now! But I can go along and generally enjoy myself.

It was online group CBT, and I got lucky in that it was a tiny group, and I was the only person who bothered to dial in for every session, so I got some 1:1 time without waiting out the waiting list! Wait was just until the next group started (a few weeks), whereas it was months for 1:1.

Original poster

C1239 · 30/12/2022 11:49

Are there any techniques @mummymummymummummum which may be worth me trying this weekend? One of my goals for next year is to become more sociable yet the first chance I get with this invite and I feel so stressed and want to 😢. Not been feeling 100% over Christmas which doesn’t help as I’m worried I ll be feeling too rough to go

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mummymummymummummum · 30/12/2022 12:28

It's quite difficult to go in for a quick fix, as I'm sure you can imagine! The first few weeks are spent identifying what you're struggling with, and you want to achieve. There's also lots of stuff to practice over the 10 weeks, with the aim to get to your goal at the end of the block of sessions. So attending a NYE party might be one of the end goals.

But, here's something to try.

Negative thoughts eg "I can't do it"; "I won't know what to say"; "everyone will look at me" etc are normal. They're just some of the many many thoughts that go through your brain, and everyone else's too! But, right now you are noticing those thoughts, where as others can let them pass on by without paying attention to them.

One technique is when you're having negative thoughts is to actively notice them, and name them. "There's my head thinking I can't go to a party again".

There are other techniques are in the attached image. Screenshot of a handout - sorry it's not great! Choose one or two techniques to try.

Good luck @C1239! I get it, it's really hard.

mummymummymummummum · 30/12/2022 12:33

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mummymummymummummum · 30/12/2022 12:37

Trying again!

Dealing with nerves before family / events parties?

mummymummymummummum · 30/12/2022 12:38

Sorry - a bit blurry. Hopefully you can read it. It's not the clearest handout

CornflakeKerry · 30/12/2022 12:39

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

C1239 · 30/12/2022 21:08

Thank you so much @mummymummymummummum !

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