To hate "set presents" lists? How to get out of them?

[KAYMACK]

I have relatives who always used Christmas presents lists to get expensive things for their house. This year, as they were hosting and a lot of people did not know each other, it was decided each would provide a set of lists and everyone was to keep to a set amount of money.

Naturally, the present they wanted cost more, but hey ho. But what got to me was that, when the presents were unwrapped, the hosts (and another guest) had not kept to the list for others and given just what was obviously convenient for them to buy.

I am a real minimalist and only ever buy (and asked for) some small things I genuine liked. So now I have shelled out money for others and got some stuff I totally hate (and cannot even sell on eBay!).

It is more the principle that counts. What way to get out of giving presents in this way next year? Or just grin and bear it?

Just say something like “I’d rather not thanks as last year we did lists and I didn’t get things from mine even though I had bought from the list for others. I’m cutting down on clutter as it’s stressful so I’ll bow out of the gifts altogether”.

Just say something like “I’d rather not thanks as last year we did lists and I didn’t get the things on mine even though I had bought from the list for others. I’m cutting down this year as we all have so much, so I’ll bow out of the gifts altogether”.

We have set budgets - across the family, all family members limit the spends on nieces and nephews to £30 a head - same for birthdays, there’s so many of them and otherwise it starts just getting silly.

So there was a price limit, each guest provided a list of desired gifts within the limit, each guest bought from those lists for each of the other guests, except the host and one other who bought whatever they felt like buying for others AND the host cheekily had things on their list which were more than the limit? Sorry, it's a bit confusing as you could have ended up receiving duplicate gifts to boot.

But if I've got it right, it sounds like a farce. Do a Secret Santa game instead where you can co-opt someone else's gift if you like it. Much more fun than your relatives' greedy self serving idea of gift giving.

If they were hosting, who paid for food alcohol etc? Did the hosts provide it all or did everyone bring something?
I think that would make a difference to how I felt.

Say you're opting out of needless consumerism. They'll be so offended, they won't know what to say 🙏

This.

This and "I’m cutting down on clutter as it’s stressful so I’ll bow out of the gifts altogether" will do nicely, thanks.

Nailed it in first post.

I didn't buy a single extra or adult present this year - young niece, own kids and goddaughter only. It was marvellous. I'm never buying a Christmas present for an adult again.

Regarding the food and drinks, I paid for all the alcohol. But some of the food was served up in the guise of Christmas presents to me! So instead of making Christmas cake or mince pies, the hosts gave them to me as presents and said, if I wanted, I could heat the mince pies up myself and eat them there.

The hosts are actually rich, but money-pinching and just love playing these mind games. They are the only relatives near where I live and, as I have just moved there and it is rural country, I do not know anyone else and it is hard to make new friends (I work from home). I wish I could find someone who is poor or lonely, as I would much rather help them out myself on Christmas Day next time around!