To think there’s something completely wrong with me?

[yellowfairylight]

I’m basically getting all my thoughts out onto a page as I worry that speaking to a GP would be a waste of time.
I’ve been to the GP about anxiety and they gave me antidepressants that didn’t work, but I worry it’s something more like ADHD or something.

Some things include:

• I never feel relaxed. My brain is always 100mph. When I stay in for a relaxed evening, I feel unsettled and like I should always be doing something else. I feel boring. If I spend an evening sat watching tv with nice food, I feel worried I’m wasting time.
• on the flip side I’m also always exhausted!! If I go out for a day trip I’m never satisfied, I always feel it’s either I should be doing something more exciting, or I want to go home and sleep instead.
• I have the scattiest brain. I spend half my time writing lists and still never get anything done. I got a talking to at work (I work in healthcare) about the admin side of things and not getting things done on time. I struggle with prioritising, starting other tasks during another one, and procrastination. I feel overwhelmed by the most basic of tasks.
• linked to the organisation, yesterday I had an activity booked for DPs birthday and we missed the slot as we were late. I nearly cried as I just felt useless. I spent the whole rest of the day beating myself up and so anxious.
• I am hyper vigilant. I pick up on every tiny detail and very observant, then I go into a panic.
• My self esteem is really low. I’m always asking if people are actually enjoying themselves or if they’re bored. I beat myself up about everything, most significantly my looks (I have to wear hair extensions, always so down about my face and struggle to look in a mirror), even (sorry tmi) after sex if DP takes longer or does most of the work. I spend most of my time worrying or needing reassurance.
• its hard to explain but I just don’t feel like a normal person. I’m always seeking more, or always on edge, or always worrying about other people.
• I earn a good salary but really struggle to put money away as I tend to overspend and am really bad at budgeting.

These are just a few things but it’s becoming debilitating now… I don’t know whether it’s worth seeking further help or assessment. :(

You sound quite a lot like me and I suspect I have ADHD

Hi OP. That list does sound indicative of some ADHD traitts. I am diagnosed Autistic with some attention deficit traits.

It might be useful for you to head over to the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board and have a read through some of the posts there. There are frequently people questioning their symptom profile and the benefits of pursuing a diagnosis.

Meeeeeee I’m on setraline but I’m 100 sure I have adhd

Are you me? I'm exactly like this. Nothing diagnosed, I just assumed it was my personality

ADHD.

My adult son isADHD and has many of these traits.

You sound like me, ADHD

Thank you everyone. Does anyone know how I’d go about getting a diagnosis?

Go and get your female hormonal levels checked.

What your describing was me 18 months ago. Turns out I needed HRT.

It could be ADHD, but reading what you wrote I realised was like this when a teenager suffering from low self esteem. I don't do/feel like any of this now

I'd say it sounds like me and I have anxiety and take Citalopram.

Could well be ADHD. Could you afford a private assessment or help? I had therapy at one point for an ostebsibly unrelated MH issue during which I realised (since my therapist happened to specialise in this area and suggested it) I probably have ADHD. I might go for a proper assessment at some point but in the mean time realising exactly what the root cause of the issues are and looking up/having recommended coping mechanisms has been really really useful.

Knowing is helpful because you realise that you can't help certain things so with that in mind instead of beating yourself up or believing that you should simply try harder you can actually look for meaningful adaptations to get stuff done.

Sounds like ADHD and possible generalised anxiety disorder. I have the same and am on sertraline which helps. It is a difficult and long winded process to get an ADHD diagnosis, especially as an adult. My GP advised that if I wanted to pursue a formal ADHD diagnosis then I would need to consider going private. I have siblings and children that have been diagnosed with ADHD and the process for that was very drawn out and draining so I haven’t bothered.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, I promise. You sound like someone with a lot of anxiety who possibly had a difficult upbringing or partnership relationship at some point. Hypervigilance and anxiety are adaptations to danger and a lot of criticism, among other things. These adaptations keep you safe when caregivers or partners or situations are very stressful and things are beyond your control.

Feeling responsible or "wrong" is also an adaptation. It gives you a sense of power and agency and keeps you going in a world that is otherwise very bleak. If it's YOU then maybe you can change ....is the thought process. It has saved many a child from despair, but in later life it's less helpful.

I am not sure what you might need, but reassurance is a good first step.

You are ok. You are absolutely ok, and there's nothing wrong with you, I promise.

I really recommend counselling or psychotherapy with someone who understands the neurobiology of attachments and boundaries and trauma.

Today, right now, you could read about the effects of trauma/traumatic attachments on children, and see if anything resonates for you.

Additionally, searching for resources around self-compassion and vagus nerve regulation is a good thing you can get straight on with.

Sending you lots of calm reassurance right now xx

As a person clinically diagnosed with Autism and ADHD tendencies, I would speak to your GP first and foremost.

The two most important things I could say to you right now, would be;

Can you track this back to your youngest self? (Someone else mentioned Menopause / HRT helping) It is true that Menopause can cause these sorts of symptoms, however as a late diagnosed Neuro Diverse person I would say that it can be a case of the wheels coming off after coping / masking your whole life. I'm 51 and on HRT. It helps a little, but is never going to take away the fact that I am Neuro Diverse.

1. You can ask your GP to refer you privately to Psychiatry UK under 'Right to Choose' This is something that was introduced due to the waiting lists being so long. It could be the case that you could be assessed within 6 months rather than 3 years. Also note, you would be required to do some preparatory sceeening regarding the taking of tests to determine if you meet the threshold so to speak.

From experience, it is worth it
I felt like I was going mad. Now I understand myself and can be more forgiving to myself. Not to mention that there is specific medication available which helps massively with ADHD.

Again, I'd recommend visiting the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board.

Awful lot of assumptions there. Appreciate it probably comes from a good place, but also dismisses the issues entirely and makes up the bits in between. It's nice to tell the OP that she has 'nothing wrong with her' and indeed possible Neurodiversity does not equal something 'wrong' with someone. However, please don't repeatedly promise someone you don't know that they are just fine. Let them explore the options for themselves.

It doesn't dismiss the issues at all. It just conflicts with your assumption that op is the same as you.
And if op does find that she does get labelled, there still won't be anything wrong with her. Diversity is just diversity.

You sound like someone with a lot of anxiety who possibly had a difficult upbringing or partnership relationship at some point. Hypervigilance and anxiety are adaptations to danger and a lot of criticism, among other things. These adaptations keep you safe when caregivers or partners or situations are very stressful and things are beyond your control.

Agree with this

I’d look at getting your hormones and bloods done to check for any deficiencies or imbalances before assuming it’s ADHD. They could very easily be a cause. It’s unlikely a GP will do anything for you because services are stretched and they’re unlikely to view it as important enough (not saying it’s not awful for you but their threshold is pretty much whether you’re likely to die or not).

Good luck :)