MIL talking about DP ex?

[charliesolange]

Would you get annoyed if your MIL spoke about your partners ex quite a lot?

I wouldn't say it's an absurd amount, but she tends to mention her quite a lot, or sometimes ask my partner how she's doing as if he speaks to her. Especially in family gatherings, she tends to tell stories about when DP and his ex were dating.

They dated for about 3 years, no kids, never married, I would completely understand the mention of her if they had been married/been together for a lot of years/shared kids. but they just dated in school/into college then separated.

I feel quite embarrassed when she mentions her in front of family members of mine and talks highly of her, or how she often mentions "she really liked the girl" it just makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

I've never met her, and don't have any issues with her, I don't understand some hate directed at exes from new partners. I just don't know if i'm comfortable with constantly having references to his ex, especially by his mother.

is it weird?

Weird. Have you raised this with your dp?

That’s weird and really disrespectful of you - if there was a reason she naturally came up in conversation fine but it doesn’t sound like that. Perhaps your DP could say something lightly like yeah but I’m sure Charlie doesn’t want to hear about her either way, might make her think about it.

My mum used to say how much she liked my ex, she used to say the opposite when I was with him and he actually didn’t treat me very well especially compared to my dh - really annoying! She only said it to me though not in front of my dh, so not the same as this, but so weird!

Weird and to be honest, bitchy.
My MIL is similar, usually doing it about DHs brothers exes and how he was better suited to them than his wife.... she also listed off every name of my DHs ex when thinking of names for our baby lol.

Yeah that is weird. It’s great she is obvious fond of his ex but surely she can see bringing her up in front of you is quite disrespectful. Your DH needs to say something, maybe tell her to ask in private if she must bring her up.

Excuse the typos, phone isn’t playing ball today!

What does your partner say/think? I expect he doesnt see ex much so very dull "not seen her expect all fine though" to try and shut down the conversation.

It is rude of mil to keep mentioning.

It's tactless and thoughtless at best - at worst your mil is being a passively aggressive witch. It sounds like she's trying to put you down and embarrass you.

Assuming she doesn't have dementia or similar, your dh needs to have a stern word with her and then start to exclude her from larger gatherings if she keeps it up.

There is so much fun you could have with this, instead of feeling uncomfortable & pissed off ....

Every time MiL trots out another anecdote, you could supply one of your own, all about one of your ex's marvellous mother. Make them increasingly bizarre & inventive.

You could even choose to call your ex's mother by the same name as your b/f's ex. "Funny that, isn't it, what a coincidence!"
"Just to be clear - did you mean YOUR Sandra, or MY Sandra?"

Or, just as she's mentioning this ex again, jump up & shout "bingo!"
Then sit down again "oh sorry, got a bit excited, Ive promised myself a prize if you managed to get to 5 mentions of Sandra today ...."

@KettrickenSmiled Love the bingo idea. 😊

It is weird and bitchy! Everyone knows you don't mention the ex. She's playing innocent but she's being passive aggressive.
I'd get your dp to shut her down!.
My MIL used to ask me now and again if I left my necklace at her house. She knew full well what she was doing. It was not my necklace but clearly hers. It was her exact style. Cheap! But she was trying to make me paranoid.

Mine used to do something similar with all 3 of her kids.

I'd met a couple of DHs exes before I met him. When we got together they were both highly complimentary about him. So I was never bothered when MIL started.

PoisonousSIL on the other hand was always furious to be reminded that a couple of BILs exes looked quite similar to her. Like he wasn't allowed 'a type'.

I suspect MIL quite enjoyed the hassle she caused. She was a very odd woman who actively begrudged her kids having more stable relationships than she had managed. Such shit happens!

That's so weird especially if no kids involved. I'd just make sure you don't react in anyway.

What a weirdo

It’s presumably intentional.

My mum used to talk about how amazing my ex is in front of DH. Except, he has never been amazing. He’s just an ok father. She was being a dick. She has form for that sort of thing. It’s not ok.

MIL takes it to another level, because she is a total piece of work. Constantly talking about his exW. Calling me her name. Getting out photos of her to show me. She is doing it on purpose because she’s horrible. I have no contact with the woman (for a whole variety of reasons, with this behaviour being merely the tip
of the iceberg). She is truly toxic.

Hats off to you for lasting this long. Id absolutely go no contact with that old witch

Just say in your best dismissive tone, oh well if she was that good, they'd still be together wouldn't they, while waving a dismissive hand.
Followed with, by the way, did you see EastEnders/ coronation street/ Dr who last night.
Repeat every time the ex is mentioned.