Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas gifts for some kids and not others?

27 replies

JollyHog · 28/12/2022 09:23

DH and I have been together for 9 years with two DC (6 & 8) and I have two tween/teen DC from previous marriage. DH also has a tween DD from previous marriage.

DH’s family live pretty far away but MIL often spends Christmas with us which is great. We buy all the food, booze and I cook which is fine, it’s a lot of work though. We all decided we weren’t doing gifts this year but she brought gifts for the younger DC and DSD (‘from her and all DH’s family’) but nothing for my DC. I honestly didn’t expect anything but I feel if you’re getting for one you should get for all, even if it’s a bag of chocolate! I have worked hard to make it a good Christmas and MIL can’t even get my DC a bag of chocolate buttons.

DH says I’m being grabby and unreasonable as I didn’t get anything for his nieces and nephews… This has happened in the past too and his DF never sends anything for my DC.

DH has spend most of the past few days napping on the sofa or snapping at everyone while I have to entertain MIL. He says he has a bad back. She is just mollycoddling him and yesterday was literally stroking his face after he awoke from a three hour nap and I was doing everything alone.. She left yesterday evening and his back is miraculously better. I’m fucked off!

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 28/12/2022 09:27

Hate to say it but sounds like a dh problem. Just get something for your dc to make up the disparity. Maybe don't invite her next year and do something just as a family.

thelobsterquadrille · 28/12/2022 09:28

It's a tough one and I can see both sides.

Do your parents buy gifts for DH's oldest child?

piglet81 · 28/12/2022 09:31

As usual on here this sounds like a DH problem, not a MIL one…

00100001 · 28/12/2022 09:32

Do your parents but for everyone?

Original poster
JollyHog · 28/12/2022 09:34

Yes that’s the thing, my parents do buy for DSD as does my aunt and brother and they make it fair, they buy her the same amount and are very generous! I don’t expect his family to spend a lot of money, just make it fair.

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 28/12/2022 09:34

Another poster not doing presents but then been put out when the grandparents want to get her grandchildren a gift. The fact you live so far away she has zero relationship with your older dc and hasn't formed any type of relationship to them.

GrazingSheep · 28/12/2022 09:35

How does your dh treat your children?

Loachworks · 28/12/2022 09:42

I think sometimes there's an assumption that their dad and his family will be buying for the older children. Do they buy for your younger children?

LifeIsJustOneBigWTAF · 28/12/2022 09:53

I guess your children will receive gifts from relatives who don't buy for your husband's children, so it's not weird that she 'and the rest of DH family' don't buy for yours. It would be nice if she did, considering your hospitality, but there you go. Other than addressing the issue with her (I wouldn't) I don't think there's much you can do.

Nor do I think any of this would even really be a thing if your husband wasn't such a lazy arse. It sounds like you do all the heavy lifting. Now that I WOULD be confronting.

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 28/12/2022 09:55

YANBU it's nasty not to get even a token gesture present. Also your DH sounds like he's being a massive cock. Now his back is 'better' he can run the entire house (cooking, cleaning, laundry) while you lie around on the sofa watching films.

Soproudoflionesses · 28/12/2022 10:01

I have got a friend who has in the last couple of years acquired a step daughter. I have never met this girl and wouldn't know her if she came up to me in the street but being as l buy for her children and l know they spend Christmas together, l always buy a little something for her too. They are kids. It's Christmas!!

ninjafoodienovice · 28/12/2022 10:09

When you spend Christmas with someone then I would say you bring a gift, particularly children.I expect you gave Mil a gift from all the DC?
I think it's very rude behaviour on her part, like you say, even a token gift would be sufficient.
Your DH needs to have a word and frankly don't invite her again. You doing all the work whilst he lies on the sofa having his face stroked by his mother? Nothing more likely to give you the ick- you have bigger problems than inequitable presents

Crazycrazylady · 28/12/2022 10:10

This one comes up every Xmas on munsnet where people in blended families seem to expect that grandparents treat step grandchildren the exact same as their actual grandkids regardless of what kind of relationship they have or how often they see them or the fact that the step kids will get presents from their own grandparents .

I think a token selection box etc is a nice gesture but I believe the relationship between grandchildren and grand parents can be special and unique and that's ok .

Spiderboy · 28/12/2022 10:12

all families do this differently 🤷🏼‍♀️ I think it seems ruder in this case that she has arrived as a guest and has brought gifts for the host family but excluded some - that seems weird.

startfresh · 28/12/2022 10:15

I think she shouldn't come for Christmas again and say sorry but it's unfair on some children to feel left out or disheartened by not being equal on Christmas Day in their own house.

I would also have the ick and be leaving my husband if his mum was stroking his face and he didn't tell her to back off. But that's just me 😷🤢

startfresh · 28/12/2022 10:16

You can see her before or after Christmas and she can gift whoever she wants then, but if it's on the day, it's a bit shitty.

PatchworkElmer · 28/12/2022 10:19

I wouldn’t spend Christmas Day with a group of children and take presents for some and not others.

Original poster
JollyHog · 28/12/2022 12:00

Thanks for all the posts. Yes, it’s the getting for one group and not the others and then the fact DH sides completely with his family and makes out I’m the one being completely UR. That is the worst part for me. I’d have been mortified if it had been my family.

Yes agree I have a DH problem sadly.

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 28/12/2022 12:13

You are most definitely not being unreasonable.

Bluebellbelle · 28/12/2022 12:14

It is incredibly mean to turn up at someone's house and take presents for some children who live there and not for others. Doesn't matter if they are blood or step grandchildren, surely they are all part of the family. It's not like you want them to be included in a Will fgs.

Original poster
JollyHog · 28/12/2022 18:57

Just really in a quandary as just feel Christmas has been in kick in the teeth from him and his family.

OP posts:
00100001 · 28/12/2022 21:00

JollyHog · 28/12/2022 12:00

Thanks for all the posts. Yes, it’s the getting for one group and not the others and then the fact DH sides completely with his family and makes out I’m the one being completely UR. That is the worst part for me. I’d have been mortified if it had been my family.

Yes agree I have a DH problem sadly.

Maybe suggest holding back his daughters gift from your side of the family...see how he reacts then, when it his daughter not getting a present when everyone else is?

Original poster
JollyHog · 28/12/2022 21:30

It doesn’t seem to matter, he’s simply take it on the chin as a way of always taking his families side.

OP posts:
Goldbar · 30/12/2022 16:46

It's not even a step-family issue, it's a matter of basic politeness.

Who turns up to be hosted by someone for days and brings nothing for two of their kind host's children while handing out presents to the others? It's just bloody rude and I wouldn't host her again.

It would be different if she had just sent presents to the younger ones.

monty09 · 30/12/2022 16:47

I've not being with my OH as long as you but we both have children from previous relationships but none together and my children don't get anything from his side at all but my family buys for his kids. It does my head in when they come and just give them gifts in front of mine like they aren't relevant.

Swipe left for the next trending thread