To tell my friend to back-off?

[cheriblossom]

My closest friend had a partner for the last year and stopped socialising at all because of him.

I'm talking not even committing to a coffee with a friend, in case he was free instead. Anything she did commit to, she'd cancel in favour of him, if the opportunity to spend time with him came up.

She wasn't even shy about it. She was completely honest. I heard a lot of "well you're my best friend so you understand and will forgive me, right?"

He broke up with her and now she wants to book a summer holiday.

I don't want to commit to booking not just yet as I've got a few moving parts to coordinate.

She's driving me absolutely mad about it. I'm away visiting my family for Christmas too and don't want to be on Expedia trying to look at summer holidays.

She keeps texting saying it'll get too expensive if we don't get on with it.

I want to tell her that I couldn't even get her to commit to going for dinner with me for the last year and am really f'ing annoyed that she is pushing me so hard to book this summer holiday now it suits her.

I'm not great with confrontation but I really feel something needs to be said.

You just need to say to her exactly how you have written it here
say it in a nice tone- often people don’t realise when they become like this and hopefully she will realise
I do agree that booking sooner rather than later will make things cheaper, but do you really want to go on holiday with her? After all that

Dear Friend, I'm glad you want to go on holiday and I'm sorry to hear you split up with Kev, but since you've barely given me the time of day, you're going to have to calm down until I want to book. Sure you understand!

Dear friend. You dropped me for a year when you decided I wasn't as much as fun as the boyfriend you have just broken up with. My feelings were not considered important at that point. Whilst I'm prepared to remain in contact with you I'm not yet at the point of wanting to drop everything immediately to book a summer holiday with you. My plans are currently fluid and involve more people than just you to fit around. I'll let you know when/if i can commit. Cheers.

This. Your last paragraph. She actually probably needs to be told, you're doing her a favour

I would absolutely not commit to this.
If she meets somebody else she will flake.
You are not her diary fodder and she's no friend.

Set a boundary of how you will be treated. This is not how good women treat good women.

Do you want to go on holiday with her or not? If you do then she's right about booking now.
If you don't because you're annoyed she prioritised her ex bf then tell her. But it sounds as though she spoke to you about putting her bf first and you never commented then either. She's not psychic. If you feel this needs a discussion, you're going to have to instigate it.

She'll very likely get back with him and that's your holiday gone.

@cheriblossom tbh i wouldn't be too honest with her as she's probably not in the best place emotionally because of the break up. I would make up an excuse that i can't go as my family is planning something in the summer or i need the money to renovate.

This is great.

i think you need to ask yourself if this is a friendship you want to keep going forward as it’ll change your approach. If you do tell this friend they hurt you by dropping you for a man and then picking you back up when it came crashing down, but that she means a lot to you and you want to move forward and will think about the holiday or whatever.

if you don’t want to Pursue the friendship I guess tell her to take a long walk off a short plank like she did to you when she was in a relationship