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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to choose my own engagement ring ?

54 replies

Bluelightbaby · 27/12/2022 22:37

I’ve known for ages that my DP has an engagement ring in his safe for me, he told me a while back.

I’m actually nervous for when it happens as when he’s bought me jewellery in the past, it’s really not to my taste at all !

I’ve got my heart set on a ring I’ve seen, but it’s highly unlikely it’s that one in the safe.

I think jewellery is an extremely personal choice and if I’m going to wear it forever, I’d like it to be something I love ! I was married for twenty years before this relationship and chose my engagement ring and loved it ! Was devastated to stop wearing it tbh :(

so who would be happy for a surprise ring or who would prefer to pick their own ?

AIBU ?

OP posts:
feeona123 · 27/12/2022 23:18

I picked mine. My husband proposed then the next day we bought the ring x

Alexandernevermind · 27/12/2022 23:19

I'm fussy about my jewellery. Don't worry too much about it op, if it isn't to your taste you can get it reset to something you do like. Just think of it as a blank canvas. I'm doing this with my old engagement ring, I love it for what it is, but it's so old a couple of stones have fallen out. It's very small (we were young and broke!), so I'm getting it reset with some larger diamonds added.

Geppili · 27/12/2022 23:21

Open the safe and have a look! And post a picture. Has he bought the ring for you?

Cincinnatus · 27/12/2022 23:23

I totally agree with you OP. Jewellery is so personal to me. I chose mine.

WhatLikeItsHard · 27/12/2022 23:25

But what about your feelings? Aren't you hurt that he hasn't given it to you yet? It does seem a bit like a power play.

WhatLikeItsHard · 27/12/2022 23:26

It's also been stressing you out for 18 months because you think you won't like it, but you actually might!

Aquasulis · 27/12/2022 23:28

For someone that claims he knows you well - he’s being a dick.

He can’t wait to get married and will propose asap as you are divorced and yet 6 months later he hasn’t and already setting you up for disappointment.

sorry but this doesn’t seem right

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 27/12/2022 23:28

Jewellery is personal, I agree. When dh proposed we were in Antigua, he didn’t want to buy me the ring, just popped the question and said shall we go ring shopping so I can choose the ring I want. Dh had a stupidly expensive budget, I chose what I wanted as knew what I liked.

Original poster
Bluelightbaby · 27/12/2022 23:32

Geppili · 27/12/2022 23:21

Open the safe and have a look! And post a picture. Has he bought the ring for you?

I don’t know the code !

OP posts:
Merrilydancing · 27/12/2022 23:32

A ring that you will hopefully wear for the rest of your life is so personal!

We chose mine together and it was fun and whilst I tried on many that were the same style, only one suited my finger - my very practical husband also agreed at the time.

Tealsofa · 07/04/2023 10:30

any update OP - is your divorce finalised yet?

WarmButteryCrumpets · 07/04/2023 10:46

Bluelightbaby · 27/12/2022 23:00

I’m tempted to buy the one I like and me propose to him 🤣🤣

If you're still waiting.... Definitely do this!

Original poster
Bluelightbaby · 15/04/2023 18:49

Tealsofa · 07/04/2023 10:30

any update OP - is your divorce finalised yet?

Divorce was finalised in may last year !

two weeks ago we headed to the Birmingham jewellery quarter and we chose a ring together. It’s going to take six weeks to make and then he’s still insisting on an old fashioned proposal at a time to suit him lol

OP posts:
Dontbelieveaword · 15/04/2023 18:54

Maybe has hadn't proposed because now you've shown him the ring you really want, and he's admitted the one he's bought is nothing like it, he's desperately saving up to buy you the one you really want/trying to sell original one

CaputDraconis · 15/04/2023 19:23

What's happening with the one that's been in the safe for best part of two years then?

Daftasyoulike · 15/04/2023 19:54

You know that not discussing it with him, even because you don't want to hurt his feelings, isn't the best sign pre-marriage don't you OP? Before deciding to marry someone, you need to know that you can talk to them about ANYTHING, otherwise it's likely to only get more difficult as time goes by. I'm afraid I also think that he's changed his mind about getting married, if he hasn't given you the ring yet and you've been divorced since last May. Personally, I would have said something along the lines of 'OK, so I've done the necessary, isn't it about time I saw that ring you got for me?' If you can't even do that, then I really don't think you should even think about marrying this guy.

newfence · 15/04/2023 19:56

Just say what you like, what's the worse that can happen? Say you're worried etc

Original poster
Bluelightbaby · 15/04/2023 21:29

I have updated already to say it’s all good - read above xx

OP posts:
Deadringer · 15/04/2023 21:59

I would absolutely want to choose my own ring, in fact I did, many years ago. If I didn't like it I would be upfront about it too. I think it's quite arrogant for a man to choose something you will be wearing, with no opportunity to exchange it if you really hate it.

Dontbelieveaword · 15/04/2023 22:03

Apologies OP, I didn't see the time lasted or the update. Ignore my comment, obvs. And glad to know you got the one you wanted

Deadringer · 15/04/2023 22:13

Oh that's good op

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 15/04/2023 22:16

that's good op thanks for the update

nimski · 15/04/2023 23:35

I always wanted to choose my own ring but my husband spent a lot of time designing a completely unique ring. Initially I was unsure and kept looking at it as it is definitely not what I would have chosen myself but I now adore it, its unique and I love it and wouldn't change it for anything. My choices seem quite boring in comparison!

Original poster
Bluelightbaby · 18/04/2023 14:20

This is the ring we’ve chosen together :):)

To want to choose my own engagement ring ?
OP posts:
Deadringer · 18/04/2023 15:15

That is fabulous, I am very envious.

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