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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do your parents and in laws get jealous of each other re: DC?

34 replies

whitewalls27 · 27/12/2022 22:32

We see my mum every week or so. We take DC to see her.
When we do, it's usually at a place where she is with her friends. Often she'll keep saying "the baby doesn't even know me! She doesn't know who I am!
I'm your grandma!" (Baby is 6mo).

My mum has only been to ours 3 times since the baby was born. We usually go to her.

Anyway, she said to me that she felt left out that we had gone for a meal with in laws because she wasn't invited.
When we go out with my mum, we don't invite in laws and vice versa.

So this time we were going for a meal with in laws and I invited my mum along.

My mum seemed really put out that In laws were cuddling and playing with DC.
She looked really miserable actually and looked like she was giving dirty looks.
I don't think this is intentional but my mum sometimes does this. She is quite passive aggressive (or seems emotionally immature) and will do this weird cough thing to show that she's not happy about something, so she was doing that.

It was a bit awkward really. We don't usually see them all together unless it's a special occasion where everyone is invited so this was quite new for us.

OP posts:

5128gap · 28/12/2022 16:39

saraclara · 28/12/2022 16:37

We see my mum every week or so. We take DC to see her.
When we do, it's usually at a place where she is with her friends

I'm curious as to why you take the baby when your mum is with other people. Why do you not go to her house? I can't imagine having built the same relationship with my grandbaby if my contact with her had been in a public place of sorts, with my friends around.

We used to have to do this with FiL as that's where we knew he'd be. The place was the pub.

cynicat · 28/12/2022 16:41

Keyansier · 27/12/2022 22:41

This post reads to me like you sound against your mum and on your in laws side automatically whatever happened - maybe because there's history between you and your mum? I'm not sure we're reading an entirely accurate account of how things happened here IMO.

Oh look, it's you, the bitchiest commenter on MN. How on earth is that what you took from the OP?

Why do you always do this? You always come onto people's threads looking to shit stir.

moita · 28/12/2022 18:53

My MIL is the same.

After 5 years I've had enough: nothing will ever be good enough.

No advice but sympathy.

Original poster

whitewalls27 · 28/12/2022 19:30

@5128gap @saraclara

It's a social club she goes to every day.
So if I message saying we will pop round, she'll quite often reply 'I'm at the club if you want to come here?'

OP posts:

Original poster

whitewalls27 · 28/12/2022 19:31

@cynicat
Yes I thought her comment was a bit of an odd one. Not surprised it's a troll.

OP posts:

sixfeetabove · 28/12/2022 20:57

whitewalls27 · 28/12/2022 19:31

@cynicat
Yes I thought her comment was a bit of an odd one. Not surprised it's a troll.

That poster is a gay man, but is basically the biggest mean girl on MN. They pop up on loads of threads with ridiculous bitchy contrary comments, like a teenage shit stirrer. It's bizarre.

Claddyt · 28/12/2022 21:02

Yes OP I know exactly what you mean I learnt a very hard lesson and was re hospitalised when my baby was a couple of weeks old!!

I couldn’t take him in because I was in extreme pain DH trying to see to the older ones and me so thought it would be a good idea to let the Mother and Mil scrap it out between themselves caring for newborn 🙄 wellll it turnt ridiculous and stressed me out horrendously they are lovely in passing to one another but a sit down meal forget it!

Your mum sounds jealous petty and effortless towards the baby so I would just make it crystal clear pointing out that it’s her choice to not make the effort!!! Like other posters stated do not pander to the behaviour!!!

sunglassesonthetable · 28/12/2022 21:16

OP you sound like a lovely level headed kind person.

You've got two babies to deal with . One is your lovely new DC and one is your mother.

She is emotionally immature and she's got you on strings. I'm so sorry. We get stuck in these weird patterns in families and there she is acting like a put out toddler and expecting you to bend you and your new family into all sorts of weird shapes to accommodate her childishness.

You are a grownup with a real baby to look after and raise now. Prioritise that. I'm sure you will continue to be kind to your mother but be firm. Do not let her control the situation with her pettiness. Remember she is actually an adult.

Changechangychange · 28/12/2022 21:21

DFIL used to get stroppy that DS didn’t really know who he was, back when DS was 2-3. DFIL has been to our house a total of two times (he lives 20mins away, goes past our house on his way to work, and we have lived there for twenty years). We see him on Christmas and birthdays only - his choice. Obviously DS had no idea who he is (he remembers him now, but they aren’t close).

DM came round once a week when I was in maternity leave, to help around the house, let me go for a run, etc. She did childcare once a week when I went back to work. She still picks him up from school one day a week. She lives an hour away, but does it because she loves him and wants to be in his life. Obviously DS is much closer to her.

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